The 67th Golden Globes, or Rematch: Oscars

I don't know if you guys knew this, but...it was raining in LA.

Riddle me this: has there ever been an award pre-show where the weather was discussed with more vigor? I swear, if it hadn't been raining, Billy Bush would have had nothing to awkwardly banter about. Although the one up-side of the torrential downpour was seeing silly little Bush scramble around the red carpet invading the personal space of A-list celebs to grab some umbrella time.

Best weather joke from Tom Hanks: "NBC said it was going to rain at 10:00, but then they moved it to 11:30!" Zing! And speaking of the Late Night debacle, Julia Roberts greeted Billy Bush with the salutation: "NBC's in the toilet right now!" She may have been drunk.

NBC also instituted something called the "Fashion Cam" for the pre-show, which is an obscene knock-off of E!'s "360 Glam Cam". Though I didn't see the E! version, the Fashion Cam must have employed everyone's uncle who thinks he's an amateur photographer, but who can't NOT take pictures of people with their eyes half-closed and mouths open.

Revelation of the pre-show: JASON STACKHOUSE IS AUSTRALIAN. What?! My mind has been blown.

Onto the actual broadcast, Ricky Gervais spent the first three minutes of his monologue ripping on Steve Carell and promoting the original, British The Office. He followed that strong opener up with...penis jokes, followed by a weak Angelina-Julie-adopts-a-lot-of-babies jokes that I saw coming a mile away. Then, thankfully, the monologue was over. Disappointing, Mr. Gervais, I must say.

Oh, and they gave out awards, too! Here are some of the highlights, broken down into these helpful categories:

Foregone Conclusions:

Best Supporting Actress (Movie) - Mo'Nique for Precious

I think the awards buzz for Mo'Nique began while the book on which the movie was based was still being written.

Best Animated Film - Up

I really need to see this movie, apparently. Who knew crotchety old men were such a draw?

Best Song from a Movie - The Weary Kind for Crazy Heart

Another movie I should see? But Jeff Bridges as anyone other than The Dude or Obidiah Stane makes me suspicious.

Best Actress (Movie) - Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia

She always seems so surprised, not only when she wins, but even during that little montage where they show all the nominees. I can't tell if it's a put-on, or if she's just that good of an actress. She's probably just that good. Wouldn't it have been funny if she started thanking people from the other movie she was nominated for? Sadly, that did not happen.

Best Actor in a Comedy (TV) - Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock

Jack Donaghy was so cool, he didn't even come to the ceremony and still managed to win.

Best Supporting Actor (Movie) - Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds

Dude speaks four languages. And managed to make a Nazi slightly likeable. It would have been a national emergency if he hadn't won.

Best Actor (Movie) - Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart

It's The Dude's night, apparently. He even got a standing ovation, which means I guess I do have to see this movie now. Sigh. Just another thing on the to-do list.

Really? I Mean, Really?:

Best Actress in a Drama (TV) - Julianna Margolies for The Good Wife

Okay, so I haven't watched this show, so this isn't necessarily unbiased, but to pass up Glenn Friggin' Close for any award takes some serious cohones. On the other hand, I'm kind of glad that Anna Paquin didn't win, because she she's got the award for Best Vacant Stares and Heaving Bosom in the bag.

Best Screenplay (Movie) - Jason Reitman for Up in the Air

Again, not totally un-partisan because I didn't see it, but I'm fairly certain that Quentin Tarantino + Nazis = Better than Indie Ennui. Yeah, I said it.

Best Supporting Actress (TV) - Chloe Sevigny for Big Love

I love Big Love, but Jane Lynch of Glee was ROBBED! ROBBED, I say!

Best Director - James Cameron for Avatar

COME OOONNN!!! They're blue aliens! Kathryn Bigelow was so much better, and I was aching, just aching for the sweet ex-spouse schadenfreude I was about to experience on Kathryn's behalf. At least he didn't claim to be king of the world, but he did deliver part of his speech in Na'vi. Uuuggghhhh.

Best Drama (Movie) - Avatar

BLLAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! DANCES WITH SMURFS?! You are killing me, Hollywood Foreign Press. Now I'm left with this bitter taste in my mouth for the rest of the night. I demand a rematch! See you at the Oscars, Cameron!

Well Played:

Best Supporting Actor (TV) - John Lithgow for Dexter

I think I've covered how delightful I found Arthur Miller this season. Also, I don't watch any of the other shows the other nominees were from.

Best Actor in a Drama (TV) - Michael C. Hall for Dexter

DEXTER! This was a way tough category, with MCH going head to head with Hugh Laurie from House, Jon Hamm from Mad Men, Bill Paxson from Big Love, and a dude from a show I've never heard of. Nice work, Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Best Drama (TV) - Mad Men

Sure, things got a little swidgy near the middle of the season, but the Kennedy assassination and the end of the season was so great, they really deserve it. Another very tough category, but ultimately, good call.

Best Comedy (TV) - Glee

YYEEESSSS. In the acceptance speech, the producer said that this show was about "the importance of arts education," which is kind of true. But it's mostly about awesome musical numbers, double entendres, and the kind of high school drama we all thought we wanted to leave behind forever, but secretly love reliving.

Best Comedy (Movie) - The Hangover

Since this was the only movie of the nominees I saw, I was naturally rooting for it, but that is not to take away from its awesomeness. Zach Galifianakis also deserves every award for awkward sidekick there ever was. Also, I have to give some love to fellow Hoya Alum Bradley Cooper.

Best Actor (Movie) - Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes

Wow, I guess I didn't see as many movies this year as I thought I did, because I didn't know these other movies. But RDJ gave the best acceptance speech of the night with a sweet line of non-thank yous to all his collaborators: "I don't need these people - they needed me!" and "I especially don't want to thank my wife, because if it wasn't for her, I'd be waiting tables at the Daily Grill right now!" Win.