Turns out our gal Sue has been spying on the Glee club, using poor, sweet Brittany as her spy - a truly unfortunate choice. Trying to clear things up with the rival team, Will makes a visit to Jane Adams Academy, a correctional high school for girls. The singer Eve, who is looking quite lovely, makes a guest appearance as the glee club coordinator, who complains that they don't even have a gymnasium in which to practice! Will generously extends William McKinley's auditorium as a rehearsal space and the sight of a quick scrimmage between the two glee clubs.
The girls turn out in revealing outfits and belt out "Bootylicious", that Destiny's Child favorite, complete with serious hairography. What's hairography, you ask? Well, luckily Rachel is here with the answer: it's a distracting ploy wielded by sub-par groups to distract from their mediocre vocals and singing. Will, unnerved by the impressive Jane Adams Academy ladies, decides to steal the strategy and have the kids sing a mashup of "Crazy in Love" (Beyonce theme, today, apparently) and the theme song from Hair. Sue is dead set against this plan, saying that Will is distracting from the kids' talent, and it's an embarrassment. Will doesn't care. They invite (or, rather, are forced to invite) their other competitors at sectionals, the local deaf high school. Crazy in Love/Hair is mediocre, and the hairography is unimpressive, and the representatives from the deaf high school know it.
When it's their turn, the kids sign a heart-warming rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine", and Mercedes decides to start singing along with them. Eventually, all the New Directions folks are up there singing with their new friends, and the result is a lovely song. Also, all the New Directions members conveniently know/pick up sign language, so are able to sign along with the other choir. Personally, if I were performing at a rival high school, I'd be a little miffed if the competition stole my thunder and butted in on my performance...but, it seemed to work.
After seeing the glorious simplicity of no hairography, Will realizes he's been a fool to mask the kids' talent with theatrics, and concedes that Sue was right. In her usual fashion, Sue still decides to give the setlist over to the two rival schools, and what do they do with them? We'll have to see.
Meanwhile, let's talk about Terri. But to talk about Terri, you first have to talk about Quinn, who's vacillating between keeping the baby and giving it to Terri. She's also having second thoughts about disowning Puck, so gives him a second chance while babysitting Terri's sister's awful demon children. They connect, sing a soulful "Papa Don't Preach" (something I didn't think was possible) and Quinn goes home convinced that Puck will be a great father. Unfortunately for Quinn, it turns out that Puck spent the entire night sexting (if you don't know, you don't want to) with Santana, that other perky cheerleader in the glee club. She reneges, and decides that she'll still give the baby to Terri.
Terri is growing ever more nervous about her fake belly and about Will finding out, so she buys him an old sports car to repair as a distraction. But, in a fit of responsibility, Will realizes that a sports car is no good for a growing family, so he sells it and buys a minivan instead. Oh Will, when will you stop being so adorable?!
But wait, you may be asking yourself, if Quinn was hanging out with Puck, where was Finn? I'm glad you asked! Corralled by Quinn, Kurt performs a makeover on Rachel to make her more alluring to Finn, thereby distracting him from Quinn's growing feelings for Puck. Rachel dolls up and does her best Olivia Newton John impression for a duet of "You're the One That I Want", only to be rejected by Finn for looking...too dolled up. Best line of the night: "You look like a sad clown hooker."
Turns out that Kurt, growing more Machiavellian by the episode, set Rachel up to be too over the top, telling her that that's what Finn liked in a girl. She's pissed, as you may guess, and figures out that Kurt has equally strong feelings for our leading man. After Quinn and Finn reconcile at the end of the episode (they'd been fighting, apparently?), Kurt and Rachel share a knowing look, realizing that neither of them will get the prize. Sigh.
Well. I was glad for the return of the two delightfully nasty ladies in Will's life, but I'm always annoyed when they focus too much on Quinn. Her breathy, girlish voice does nothing for me, and her entitled whining grates much more than Rachel, the supposedly grating one. I know, I know, she's newly homeless and abandoned, but they chose not to discuss that plot point this week. The most exciting part of the episode was by far when Sue revealed that "Don't Stop Believing" was part of the sectionals set list. I'm really, really hoping for a recap performance.
That is a much better alt title than anything I could've suggested.
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