The Boob Toob

Glee - Hell-o, or Irony Overdrive

2010-04-13T22:33:00.005-04:00

It's baaaccckkk!

So, this is how much I love Glee - I actually sat down and watched the episode on the TV as it aired. Normally, I'm a Hulu devotee, preferring the freedom of the pause and the rewind, especially for a show like Glee with such delicious one-liners. But I made this sacrifice, and what did I get in return?

Irony. So much irony.

I loved the subtle snark of the first 13 episodes, but the writers were laying it on especially thick this episode, with a wink-wink, nudge-nudge every other minute. Finn announced an impending musical number with, "Oh, so that's why the band's here. Do you think I could find myself and do my glee assignment at the same time?"

Yes, Finn, you can. What happened to the segue-less musical numbers of the first half? We really don't need an excuse to sing here, folks, just give us the goods. That being said, there was a huge uptick in musical numbers, as promised. And two new delightful characters to boot!

I was especially charmed by the debonair Jesse St. James, whose initial critique/flirtation with Rachel bordered on the absurd. "I've got a full ride to a little school called the University of California in Los Angeles. Maybe you've heard of it. It's in Los Angeles." Perfect!

But, of course, Rachel can't get a frickin' break, and everyone accuses her of being a Benedict Arnold just because of the teensy fact that Jesse happens to be the lead singer of Vocal Adrenaline, New Directions' main competitor in sectionals. Man, can that girl get a break?

So, she has to pretend to break it off all while starting a secret romance (yay) with Jesse - BUT, he might be just getting close to her to sabotage New Directions from within, ala Sue Sylvester. So many layers.

But you know what? I have hope for my girl Rachel. I know that Jesse will truly love her for the wack-a-doo she is with no ulterior motives. Why? Because she deserves it. She really, really deserves a break.

Also, Idina Menzel is there! She's the coach of Vocal Adrenaline, and I swear, if she doesn't sing a number, it will be the biggest waste of talent in all of television history. Don't let me down, Glee.

Idina and our boy Will Shuster end up making out randomly, which is super awkward, since he's dating Emma now! Oh no, you didn't, Will! But Emma ends up breaking things off with him anyway, because she's convinced he's not over Terri, which is probably true. P.S. - Emma's a virgin, we find out (not a huge surprise, and not that there's anything wrong with that), which sets up very nicely for the Madonna episode next week. "Like a Virgin"? Yes, indeed.

There's also a weird subplot about Finn and his vacillating emotions about both Quinn and Rachel. He also manages to go on a date with Santana and Brittany (yes, both), which is totally worthless except for the line, "Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?" Oh, Brittany, how I've missed you.

Let's talk songs: kind of unimpressed. Most of the problem was that, since they're trying to shove in so many more numbers, we see about half of each song. We heard snippets of "Hello Goodbye" by The Beatles, which should have been a full show-stopper, let's be honest, and about a verse of "Highway to Hell". Although I'm okay with the abbreviated version of that one, since I was sincerely concerned about Jesse St. James' vocal chords. We got full earfuls of "Hello" by Lionel Richie and "Gives you Hell" by The All-American Rejects. Really, Glee? You're going to shorten The Beatles and AC/DC in favor of Lionel and The Weepy Boys (yes, that's my pet name for them)? Really? It's a good thing you're ramping up to the Madonna episode, and those best be full versions, because that's what we're coming to see.

As a little teaser, Chevy sponsored a music video of Sue singing "Vogue" and a recreation of the iconic music video. Man, she is not a good dancer. But it was cute, and I'm sure everyone will watch it on Hulu and get excited for next week.

Let's cut the overt irony by half and up the musical quality by the same, and Glee, you'll be back in the saddle.

V - Welcome to the War, or Let's Break it Down - Quote Wise

2010-04-07T20:26:00.007-04:00

Hey guys, so remember that show about aliens who were lizard people and trying to do something bad to humans?

Yeah, me neither.

But guess what? It's back!

Luckily, V started off with a heavy dose of "last time on...", which promptly reminded me just how ridiculous this program is, and how, on its best days, it crosses the valley between bad, and so bad it's good. This episode, folks, was one of the latter. Let's break it down based on some of my favorite quotes:

"He can only have one family..."

So, Tyler is trying to mack on the blond girl, and is chilling on the mothership. His mom is mad, because, well, V's are terrible lizard people who are trying to rule the world. Anna responds by crafting a plan to separate Tyler and his mother with the aforementioned line. See, it's great because we instantly realize that the V's are his family now, not his mom! But it's so subtle! Uh oh, what are those ellipses doing there?

"...us."

DAMMIT, V. We all know you meant yourself! Why do you have to insert unnecessary explanations?!

Anyway, so Tyler is fine, but Erica, his mom, freaks out. Eventually, they hook Tyler up to some sort of memory machine that allows to V's to access all his emotions and feelings. Creepy, but he seems okay with it. They're harvesting something from his brain, but it's unclear what it is. It looks pretty empty to me, frankly. Hey-o! They suggest that Tyler make amends with mom and come clean about being a Peace Ambassador. He does, and Erica freaks out, but on the inside, since with his new fancy uniforms, the V's can see and hear everything Erica says.

"They told us we could not procreate with humans."

But they were WRONG. Ryan's girlfriend is pregnant, and man, is this a doozy. She has crazy, intense cravings for weird things, like dead mouse (disgusting) and thinks she feels the baby kick. Mind you, she's only six weeks pregnant. Well, guys, it looks like we have a Jack (Man, that was a good movie) situation here. Look for that baby to be born in a convenient two weeks and grow to full size in another three weeks.

Ryan's freaking out and consults a V doctor friend of his, who's all like, "Well, this is unexpected. Good luck with that." She's slightly more helpful on the question of the mysterious R6, a compound the V's were putting in the flu supply. Turns out it's a tracking device that will number all the humans who receive like cattle. Oh no!

"I'll make my own army."

When Anna and Co. realize that the Fifth Column is acting starting to mess with their shit, they decide to kick it up a notch. But what will they do? All their fighters are back at the home world? Not to worry, Anna is going to...wait for it...make her OWN army! But how? I am SO GLAD you asked. There's a big line of burly dudes all lined up with Anna inspecting them while wearing this floaty, kimono thing. She picks one, and then we're transported to a giant silver room with fog totally obscuring the floor. It's like an 80's video. Then, we see the burly guy she chose reclining in a basin of sorts. Anna arrives, sheds her Kimono, and slowly, with no preamble mounts him. All the while, there's this zen, Enya-like music playing in the background. She emotionlessly thrusts about four times, then dismounts again.

BUT THEN, she pulls a black widow and is all like, “My eggs need nourishment” then giant, horrible fangs grow out of her mouth sort of like that scene in the woods in Jennifer’s Body (don’t judge me, it was good) and SHE EATS HIM. End of episode. Oh lizard people, you are growing less and less likeable with each passing hour! It's almost like you're the villains, or something!

Whew. So, those are the highlights. Other random stuff happens, but it's all peripheral to terrible, mate-eating Anna. I find myself having suddenly high hopes for future installments, if only we get to see more of this crazy, whacked out fever dream.

The Office - New Leads, or How My Parents Are Like Michael Scott

2010-04-07T19:12:00.004-04:00

So, this episode has gotten some flack for the characters being unusually mean-spirited and nasty, which isn't believable. I, on the other hand, am happy that these poor, beleaguered souls are finally lashing out at their colossally inept boss. Honestly, why didn't this happen earlier?

The inciting incident for all this anger has to do with the new commission rates under Sabre, which have a much higher cap. The sales stuff has suddenly become motivated, and Michael doesn't know what to do with it. The non-sales employees are about to mutiny, due to being treated like second-class citizens. Everything comes to a head when Michael reveals that he's received new sales leads from Sabre, and instead of distributing them to sales, he hides them around the office, leaving clues, and also giving them to non-sales staff.

Let's pause for a moment and talk about hiding things and giving clues to where to find them. This is a time-honored tradition in my house, and pretty much defines the Easter tradition. My parents would set out one plastic egg for each child in an easily findable place, with a written clue to where to find the next egg. This continued for, oh, about 7-8 eggs, resulting in the discovery of your awesome Easter basket. Hence, I have some pretty strongly positive feelings about Michael's strategy here, and I just wanted to let you know that it's totally and completely based in personal bias.

ANYWAY, Jim immediately figures out Michael's thin logic and finds the leads. Others are not so lucky. After Kevin accidentally throw the leads in the garbage, which is then taken to the dump, Michael and Dwight go on an adventure to find them, during the course of which, they make some pretty deep discoveries about each other...and themselves.

Turns out Dwight resents Michael, Michael resents Dwight, they have a garbage fight (it's like a food fight, but with garbage. Yes, disgusting), then all their differences are worked out in the end.

Back at the office, Jim has to navigate a mutiny from the non-sales staff, who are refusing to work with the sales people. To be fair, they had it coming - they were being jerks. Jim proposes to the sales staff that they will give everyone in the office a 2% cut of all their commissions each month, to spread the wealth around. They buy pastries and spread them out in the conference room, ready to make the big announce. But, the non-sales folks are duped into believing that it's the pastries that are the gift, and sales doesn't even get into the 2% kickback. Oh, Jim and sales, you are a wily bunch.

So, I thought this whole thing was great. I was really glad that they were showing some human emotions and frustrations, rather than the sighing, silently contemptuous looks we're used to from this bunch. It makes sense that they would get pissed and have confrontations. Also, the bonus at the end of the episode was Andy and Erin looking for the leads in the dump and sharing their first kiss. A-rig-a-dig-doo, indeed, Andy.

30 Rock - Floyd, or Whither Art Thou, Jason Sudeikis?

2010-04-07T19:02:00.003-04:00

First off, let me just say that I, like Liz Lemon, have always harbored a deep and secret hope that they will get back together and be happy forever. Sadly, both our dreams were crushed with the revelation that Floyd is marrying a blond bimbo and moving back to New York.

Liz passive-agressively makes Floyd regress into alcoholism and annoy Kathie Lee on the Today show when she hears the news, which is definitely the appropriate reaction. But, she feels bad about it later, and agrees to read a Bible passage at their wedding. Oh, Liz, will your trials and tribulations never end?

Meanwhile, we learn that Jack was a member of the secret society Twigs and Berries (hee-hee) during his college days, and that whenever someone says the name of the society, the member has to leave the room immediately, citing a ridiculous reason. Frank finds this out and sets about torturing Jack (and also Danny, because they're jealous of his good looks - duh), so the handsome men of The Girly Show decide to strike back at the foul writers. They concoct an elaborate ruse that results in them stripping down naked and being laughed at by attractive women. So, all's fair in love and sketch comedy.

Overall, a meh episode. I'm just so distraught that Liz and Floyd won't ever get back together! I really fell in love with Jason Sudeikis during the 2008 campaign when he showcased a mean Joe Biden impression. And it looks like Michael Sheen as Wesley Snipes is over for the moment as well. Ah well. Such is life. Let's hope that a new, equally alluring prospect is in Liz's future.

The Office - St. Patrick's Day, or More Meredith!

2010-03-29T20:13:00.004-04:00

I was so hoping for a Meredith-centric episode this week, as there is no more Irish person in the office than our fair Meredith. And, I think the last episode where she did stuff was the Christmas intervention episode. Or was it the Casual Friday? Hmm, further investigation is needed. Regardless, it's been awhile, and what better way to show the awesomeness of Meredith than St. Patrick's day?

Well, apparently the writers and I disagree on this point, as we only briefly glimpsed Meredith in her St. Patrick's Day finery. Instead, we focused on a long standoff between Jo and Michael concerning how late the staff had to stay. Michael is apparently of the school that each employee has to stay as late as the boss, which is folly, in my opinion. But, Michael didn't ask me.

The one good piece of good news is that our friend Daryl got promoted to Jim's old office after impressing Jo with a new transportation strategy that will save money. Movin' on up, indeed, Daryl. (It's okay - he sung it in the episode)

Jim is feeling conflicted about being at work with a wee baby at home, and is worried that he's missing out. I imagine things will be okay.

Eventually, Michael stands up to Jo (like four hours late) and releases the staff to have a merry St. Patrick's Day. They convene at a pub nearby and everyone has green drinks.

EXCEPT: Andy and Erin, who were scheduled to have their first date! Sadly, Erin fell ill and Jo forced her to go home. Andy, being the sweet and be-kilted man that he is, brought her some chicken soup. What he wasn't expecting was her foster brother, who is now her roommate. They are, to say the least, a bit too close for comfort. But, the night ends semi-successfully, with Andy receiving a peck on the cheek. Awwhhh.

The only thing I could have asked for is more Meredith, and since I did ask for it, so I suppose my job is complete.

30 Rock - Don Geiss, America, and Hope, or Porn for Women

2010-03-21T11:46:00.002-04:00

Hey, Wesley's back! And he and Liz continue to aggressively not get along. After several more random run-ins and failed dates, Wesley takes the bold step of suggesting they get married. Why? Because their of them will do any better. Womp, womp.

But that's not really the story here. The story is that the main revenue source of Kabletown (Comcast) is their wide variety of "adult entertainment" channels that account for 91% of their profits! With nothing new to design and sell, Jack faces a severe existential crisis.

Okay, so knowing that Kabletown is the multiverse version of Comcast, I decided to do a little Googling. Does Comcast really make its money in porn? Turns out it does. Well, that's awkward and eye-opening.

Anyway, back to the "story". Jack mopes about, then realizes that there's a huge, untapped market for porn that Kabletown can exploit: women. But women hate porn! a Kabletown exec says. But no, this is a new kind of porn. Just handsome women nodding supportively while women yammer on and on about their problems. Genius.

Also, Tracey is having a P.R. problem. A tell-all book has just been published that proclaims Tracey has never once cheated on his wife! Scandal! Now, Tracey's in danger of losing all his endorsements with various adultery affiliated businesses. It's supposed to be about Tiger Woods, in case you couldn't tell.

Meanwhile, Liz thinks over Wesley's offer and decides not to take it. She confronts him at a white wine from Scotland tasting, and says she can find someone better. Wesley doesn't buy it, and gives Liz two months to give in. "See you at sweeps!" he cries. "That's what we call spring cleaning in England!" See you at sweeps, indeed, Michael Sheen. It's a date.

House - Private Lives, or The Dangers of Blogging

2010-03-19T22:01:00.010-04:00

Well, this is awkward. This week's House catastrophe began with a blogger who's revealing too much of her life online, and pissing off her boyfriend. Suddenly, she develops huge bruises on her face and her gums start bleeding. And bonus! The blogger is Donna from That 70's Show! Groovy! Although she's cuter as a redhead.

Soooo....will this turn into a cautionary tale? Should I step away from the laptop?

But wait - a lead! While scouring the apartment for clues, Thirteen and Talb find out that our blogger is also a lover of animals and the environment. After a neighbor puts down rat poison to scare away the new neighbors after the blogger lets trash sit for composting, the blogger freaked out, and now routinely handles the poison.

Scratch that - they were wrong about the rat poison. One of these days, the first thing they think is wrong with the patient is going to stick, and the episode will be, like, 15 minutes long. It'll be great.

The blogger gives her whole outlook on life, and how it's so important to share things with the world because there's no more accountability anymore, and she's always watching and recording and it builds a sense of community and yadda yadda yadda.

Anyway, so they figure out it might be a heart issue, and she'll need a replacement mitral valve, which can be either plastic or from a pig. It's an important decision, and each choice has pros and cons. So, what does the blogger decide to do? Blog about it, of course, and ask for advice from the interwebs.

The interwebs tell her to go with the plastic valve, and her boyfriend gets all mad about her blogging and threatens to walk out. Just as she's about to go into surgery, her appendix bursts, and they find out it was full of cancer cells. Uh-oh. They give her a year to live, unless they try an experimental procedures that will somehow help.

But, the experiment doesn't go so well, and she breaks out into a terrible fever. They figure out it's not actually cancer, but liver failure. They tell her that, unless they figure out what's causing the failure, she only has three of four days to live.

Wait, what? Why can't they just do a liver transplant? Those exist nowadays, right? But it's more dramatic if Donna the blogger is faced with certain death.

Miraculously, at the last second, House realizes that her new semi-vegetarian diet is to blame (thank goodness it wasn't incessant blogging) and prescribes something to clear her gastrointestinal infection. Donna's going to be okay, everyone!

Throughout the episode, there was this bizarre subplot with Wilson accidentally being in a porn movie. How does that happen, you ask? Good question. Apparently, he acted in a friend's college art film that was later transformed into a porno using different actors. So, Wilson's the plot guy, then someone else takes over for the...you know. House manages to get a hold of a copy and gives it to everyone in the hospital, makes huge posters of Wilson in this crazy get-up, and generally is a jerk. Wilson, of course, is desperate to get back at him, and finds out House is secretly reading a book of sermons. So, he distributes that to everyone in the hospital, and the tables are turned. But, later Wilson finds out that the author of the sermons is House's biological father, so he feels bad. Pretty unnecessary, frankly.

Oh, and Chase has also just realized he's hot and is having an identity crisis. Blah, blah, blah.

The Office - The Delivery Parts 1 and 2, or BABIES!

2010-03-19T21:20:00.008-04:00

Oh man, I am so glad Pam didn't have that baby in the office. I was so worried they were going to pull that stunt, especially after her contractions starting coming every two minutes. Having a baby born in the main set of a sitcom is pretty much the oldest '80's sitcom trick in the book. So, good work guys, for avoiding that.

Also, Dwight and Angela are going to have a baby? And why did she acquiesce to weaning it at 6 months in favor of vegetable mash? I guess Dwight's baby clock isn't the only one that's ticking.

But, little Cecelia made her way into the world in a hospital, thank goodness. I'm equally glad they didn't indulge in any delivery scenes, preferring to let the magic be portrayed through Pam's screams and Jim's supportive noises. Much classier that way, The Office.

I am shocked, shocked, though, that Jim and Pam let Michael hold that baby. Have they not been around these last, what, 5 years? But, again, the writers did not indulge, and Cecelia emerged from Michael's arms unscathed.

After some mishaps, including a very friendly lactation specialist and a brief baby mix-up, the 3 Halperts were ready to get home.

What awaited them, however, was their kitchen in the middle of a surprise makeover, courtesy of Dwight. After discovering mold while looking for Pam's iPod (don't ask), he decided to gut it and start over. Interestingly, he was also using it to broker the final deal between he and Angela on their own baby-making adventure.

Meanwhile, Michael's attempts to spark more office love almost derailed the blooming Andy/Erin relationship, but he FINALLY asked her out, via fax, which is kind of adorable, I must admit.

Wow. So they had the baby. Now, we have an army of revolving child actors to look forward to, as they play the part of Cecelia. I also think the hand-off to Andy and Erin as the new "it" couple in the office is appropriate, but I am far less interested in if they make it or not. Oh well, we'll see. And what will happen with a possible Dwight/Angela baby? That whole thing sort of seemed to come out of nowhere.

But for now, let's all bask in the glorious glow of a new baby and make our best cooing noises.

30 Rock - Future Husband, or Kabletown, It's a Fine and Generous Company

2010-03-19T20:35:00.005-04:00

Well, they finally did it. Kabletown (Comcast) has taken over NBC (NBC) in the parallel universe of 30 Rock. Jack finds out through Avery, his girl of the week, that it's all downhill from here for ol' NBC. Jack protests, and vows to stand by his old friend and mentor Don Guise, who's always been against the merger. But, bad news, Jackie boy, Don is dead, and the deal is going through.

Hold on! No more Rip Torn guest spots on 30 Rock! Where else will I get my weekly crotchety old scratchy-voiced man allowance?

Anyway, Liz does her trademark breaking of the 4th wall to call Kabletown "...a fine and generous company," and concluded with a pleading smile at the camera. Of course, no brand names were used, but it's abundantly clear that we're all talking about the real-life Comcast/NBC deal. Which makes me wonder, did 30 Rock have to get the OK from their new overloads on this script? This is the type of thing that almost, almost makes a person want to study patent law.

The future looks grim for Jack, but then, Avery saves him from executive oblivion by quoting various "sources" saying he's the only person being considered to head up the new conglomerate. Ohhhh.

Meanwhile, Liz has recovered from her root canal for the most part, but with a little lingering problem. Her phone now holds an entry titled "Future Husband", and the owner is a mystery. She's ready to write it off and delete the number, but Kenneth, convinced that he's got to be the one for her, persuades her to deceive in the name of love and impersonate her dentist's nurse to get them back in the same room. Then, to show his commitment to the idea of destiny, he throws his wallet out the window! It made sense at the time.

Liz goes to the dentist's office, and lo and behold, "Future Husband" is there. Turns out that not only does his phone say "Future Wife" when Liz calls, he's also Welsh dreamboat Michael Sheen! Swoon!

Sadly, their coffee date goes awry, all the way into the land of severe awkwardness and Liz loses faith in Kenneth's aggressive optimism. Just then - Michael Sheen shows up to return Kenneth's wallet, and they agree to give it another shot! Hooray!

Also, Tracey gets the Will Ferrell bug and decides to do a one-man show to win the T of his EGOT. Yeah, I was surprised they're sticking with this storyline too, but we'll see. The first show is a huge hit, and Tracey's ready to pack it in and wait for the Tony to roll in when Jenna tells him there's an 8 performance minimum to be in the running. She tries to teach him acting, it doesn't work, but the show still kills. Ta-da!

I'm glad Liz and the gang confronted the Comcast takeover head-on, and it will be interesting to see how they portray it going forward. It was also good to see Michael Sheen as someone other than Tony Blair, so there's that too. But let's get real for a second: is it just me, or is 30 Rock getting blander? It used to be there were so many plot points and twists that I couldn't even describe it to a friend, and now it's falling into the sitcom trap of two to three stories per week, and everyone laughs at the end. I would imagine it'd be difficult to keep up the absurdist pace of seasons past, but I'd hate to see 30 Rock go the way of a safe, boring sitcom. Maybe they're just having a rough arc, and things will perk up. Or maybe I'm totally off-base. Let's hope for one or the other.

Mid-Season Replacement Roundup - The Marriage Ref

2010-03-01T18:44:00.009-05:00

I'm about as big a Seinfeld fan as you're likely to find, spontaneously blurting "The Moops!" when a friend discusses an upcoming production of Othello, so I was hesitantly excited about Jerry Seinfeld's return to TV as The Marriage Ref. But, on that first account, I was wrong. You see, Jerry isn't the marriage ref at all! In a weirdly retro opening cartoon segment (you read that right), we're introduced to how the show came about, with Jerry and his wife having an argument, and a friend of theirs serving as the ref. This mystical referee comes with the name Tom Papa, who is also a comedian, or so I hear. He'll be the official in these marital games, with Alec Baldwin, Kelly Ripa, and Jerry serving as his...deputy referees? Apparently, they'll make arguments for one side or the other, then Tom Papa will make the final call. Thankfully, they preface all this nonsense with the disclaimer that this is not a perfect system. Let's meet our first feuding couple!

Kevin and Danielle have been married for 14 years, and every day is an adventure! It was love at first sight! The only problem? The Fonz, Kevin's beloved Boston terrier. The Fonz is no longer with us, having gone to that country farm in the sky, but still remains. Literally, his remains are the issue. Kevin had The Fonz stuffed, and wants to display him in their house. He's built a shrine (!) for The Fonz, and describes having him in their house forever as "his dream come true".

Okay, so I'm going to go ahead and say this isn't much of a contest. There's no way this panel can side with Kevin on this freak show. If they're all this clear-cut, why do we need a ref?

Our judges clearly see this as well, and waste some time hemming and hawing about the relative merits of different positions the dog could have been stuffed in (attacking, barking, standing valiantly, etc.), just to stall.

As if that wasn't enough wasted time (Danielle! Danielle is the winner, people!), Tom tosses to their "Just the Facts" reporter, who will give us such valuable information as how often people stuff their deceased pets and put them on display. How is this helping? I don't need to know how many people are freaks out there - just because more people do it doesn't mean it's any less weird!

So, Natalie from NBC news tell us that, last year, roughly 1,000 people stuffed their pets.

Disgusting.

Unsurprisingly, all the panelists side with the wife, and Tom Papa goes that way as well. He delivers the news to the couples, who then fade off into the satellite feed sunset.

Next up: a husband who wants a stripper pole installed in the house. And you thought it couldn't get any worse.

The husband makes a case that it's not really a stripper bole, but an "exercise poll" and Natalie confirms that there are, in fact, erotic dance classes that people take.

Alec makes some arguments for the pole, but then relents and votes for the wife. Kelly agrees, and Jerry, in a surprise move, votes for the husband and his pole. Why? It's unclear.

Tom Papa brings the couple on, and makes the call for the wife. Not because she's right, but because "who wants to see a resentful, sulking pole dancer?" Well, that is a good point.

So, yeah. That's the show. Needless to say, I'm not sold. I have a terrible feeling it's just going to be ridiculous husband requests on parade, and really, don't we all get enough of that in real life? Ladies? On this one, I'm going to have to side with...not watching this show.

House - 5 to 9, or Three "Bitch" Limit, Please

2010-02-20T14:44:00.004-05:00

Man, it's tough out there for a successful, independent lady hospital administrator. That's the message this week, as we follow A Day in the Life of Cuddy. See, it's 5 to 9, which is just like 9 to 5, only harder, because it's so hard out there! Get it? GET IT?!

Anyway, we see Cuddy doing yoga, taking care of her sick baby, dealing with a horny Luke, you know, the regulars, and that's all before 8:00 AM! She gets the office, where all hell breaks loose. There's a scheming, stealing, sociopathic pharmacy employee, tough negotiations with an insurance conglomerate, and, of course, House. What this episode accomplishes best is showing us what a true pain in the ass House is to everyone around him, and how completely absurd he and his team are in this otherwise normal hospital environment. You don't really see that when you follow his story day to day, but man, is it apparent when you're walking in Cuddy's high heels.

First off, there's the pharmacy worker who's been stealing medications, and who swears it's just so she can lose those few last pounds so her husband won't divorce her. She cries, but Cuddy still has to fire her anyway. She's tough like that. Then, it turns out the employee had been stealing crates and crates of drugs and funneling them to a meth lab! Oh, no!

Then, Cuddy has to negotiate a contract renewal with a New Jersey insurance megacompany, and issues an ultimatum. If they don't increase doctor reimbursement by 12%, they're cutting the contract. Pretty big words, considering that, if she does, about 80% of their patients will have to pay cash, effectively closing the hospital. But Cuddy doesn't back down - it's about the little guy versus the big guy, good versus bad.

Finally, Cuddy deals with an impending lawsuit, as a patient asked for only half of his thumb to be reconnected to his hand after a terrible carpentry accident. He only wanted some of the thumb reconnected because his insurance would only pay for 60%, or some crazy number. But, Chase decided to pull the old "do something different after the patient's under anesthesia" and reattach the whole thumb. Now, the dude is facing medical bankruptcy and is suing the hospital.

So, we get a pretty clear sense from our friends the House writers that insurance companies really suck, and we should all have government sponsored health care. Where were you before the Conference Committee negotiations on health care reform spectacularly crashed and burned, House? Could have used some support there!

Oh, well. Cuddy, in her ultra efficient way, manages to solve all the problems of the day, by getting the guy to drop the case, getting the insurance agency to agree to a 12% reimbursement bump, and secretly taping (with a fake flower!) the sociopath employee while she confesses to all her crimes. She doesn't give in to House's ridiculous request to treat a cancer patient by inducing malaria, and she's still home by 9:00!

Well, now I know how hard it is to be a successful, independent lady hospital administrator. Also, it's worth mentioning that Cuddy is called a bitch at least FOUR times in this episode, once by House, once by the negotiator for the insurance company, once by a patient, and once by her boyfriend! Okay, so her boyfriend says it as a joke, but still! Cuddy never once reacts to the epithet, and I'm not sure I like the message this is sending. "Sure, girls, be strong and resilient. Solve all the problems of the day. But because you do all these things in an efficient and non-emotional way, you'll be a bitch, and you'll be okay with it." I don't think I am okay with it, actually, House. They weren't necessarily going for feminism with the episode, but there's a line. And I think that line is at three "bitches".

House - Moving the Chains, or Family Schmamily

2010-02-20T14:27:00.005-05:00

It's all about family ties this week on House, with two patients and a Foreman dealing with familial relationships. Some are good, some are bad, and some are just plain awkward. Let's take a look.

First off, Foreman's brother (Orlando Jones - delightful) just got out of jail, and instead of going to drive him home, Foreman decides to put in a day's work at old Plainsboro. This, for some reason, really irks House, who decides that they should be closer. So, he takes the completely reasonable step of hiring Foreman's brother as his personal assistant, annoying Foreman to no end, which was the point in the first place. In between getting his dry cleaning and fetching him frappucinos, Foreman's brother also reveals embarrassing secrets about Foreman's youth, which House deploys to the amusement of the rest of the team. Ha, ha, ha!

Meanwhile, the patient this week is a college football player with unexplained and unremembered rage issues. At first, the team is convinced it's steroids, but the player protests that he's never taken them. The tests show he's not lying, so the team goes round and round on several diagnoses that, of course, are all proven wrong.

The secondary patient is a clinic walk-in who insists on meeting with House. Turns out he's about to be stop-lossed to the Middle East, but desperately doesn't want to go, since he has a heavily pregnant wife to take care of. House has no sympathy for him, and is offended when the soldier assumes that House's limp is from Vietnam. He suggests the soldier move to Canada or shoot his foot.

While these shenanigans are going on at the hospital, almost equally crazy things are happening at the new Casa de Wilson and House. Someone left a possum in their bathtub, loosening the grip bar by House's tub, and turned on the sprinklers in the middle of the night! Who could be behind such foul behavior? House assumes it's Foreman, getting him back for hiring his brother. In response, House rachets up Foreman's humiliation.

Once again, House's words come back to bite him in the ass, as the soldier returns, having shot his foot. House gets ready to amputate a toe, which, unfortunately, will not preclude his military duty, since he will still be able to run. The military man decides to let the infection spread to his entire foot, necessitating amputation, rather than be deployed.

Seeing the importance of family unity, House decides to completely sabotage Foreman and his brother's relationship, by revealing that the brother told House about Foreman's mother's death, something that happened only three months ago, but that he didn't share with anyone at the hospital. Foreman is pissed, and the brother is super pissed that House told, so Foreman walks out, and the brother quits. House is unfazed.

Back to the football dude. His symptoms have improved, and he's desperate to play in the big game, where all the pro scouts will be watching. Why does he feel the need to possibly die, just for a shot at the pros? Turns out he's doing it all for his mom, who gave up everything so he could play. He wants to pay her back by being able to take care of her for the rest of her life. They finally let him go, after he promises to return for treatment after the game. Foreman goes with him to make sure he's okay during the match. But, just as he's about to walk on the field, he's struck temporarily blind, and agrees to go back to the hospital and miss the game, and his shot at the big time.

Turns out that Foreman slipped him a drug in his Gatorade that caused temporary blindness, just so he'd go back with them. Oh, that Foreman! After dropping off Mr. Football at the hospital, Foreman then goes to his brother's halfway house, makes amends, and offers to let the brother move in with him. Awww, relationship mended!

They find the cause of the football player's maladies - melanoma, which no one originally diagnosed because the player is African American - and Wilson realizes that House caused the rift between the Foreman brothers only to create a common enemy (him) and ultimately bring them closer together. Awwww, House loves family! But what about the pranks at their new house? They continue, and know now that it isn't Foreman. Turns out it's Luke, Cuddy's new boyfriend, paying them back for stealing the house of her dreams. Well, they deserved it.

Yet again, House has learned an Important Lesson this episode. I'm not sure I know where this is going - if he learns how to interact with humans, where will the fun be? WHERE?

The Office - The Manager and the Salesman, or Reset Button

2010-02-20T13:48:00.007-05:00

It's a race to the bottom at Dunder Mifflin/Sabre today! Making a special trip in from sunny Florida, Kathy Bates (I can't remember her character name, just deal with it) realizes that there are two people doing one job, and that just won't do. Either Michael or Jim have to go back to sales. At first, Michael of course wants to keep his managerial position, while Jim argues that he deserves it. Pretty typical. Then, that thinker Pam realizes that there's no cap on commissions in the world of Sabre, so Jim would actually be making more in sales. So, Jim goes to Kathy Bates and gracefully resigns from the co-manager position.

But wait! Michael's also realized that salesmen can make a lot more, thanks to an offhand comment from our friend Oscar, and bursts in the room just as Jim is resigning. Now, he's trying to resign too! Kathy Bates has understandably had just about enough of this nonsense, so defers to Michael to make the decision, since he has the most experience. Jim is now the one and only manager of the Scranton branch.

So, Jim moves into the office (turns out Michael has been marking his height on a piece of wood next to the window) and Michael transitions to Jim's old desk in sales, making sure all his toys will fit. But, the grass isn't always greener on the sales side. After having to deal with the hassles of shared desk life, namely Phyllis's unfortunately odor, Michael is begging for his desk and old position back. Jim, of course, is only happy to oblige, and everything is as it once was.

Meanwhile, Andy distributed Valentine's Day cards to all his co-workers ("and my bro-workers") because he is both a nice guy and still trying to woo Erin. Unfortunately, he doesn't read the contents of any of these cards too closely, and ends up sending an extremely romantic love poem to Kelly, who then immediately falls head over heels in crush with Andy. Then, Erin gets upset, Andy doesn't know why...oh, it's such a romantic comedy! Andy finally realizes about the card for Kelly, and sends out an email to everyone clarifying that he just because he sent everyone a Valentine's Day card does not, in fact, mean he has romantic feelings for them. He does not, however, reveal his feelings for Erin, although everyone pretty much knows anyway.

So, that's what happened in Scranton - not a lot, and everything pretty much restored to its original settings. Sounds like just another day at the office.

30 Rock - Anna Howard Shaw Day, or The Best Valentine's Day Ever!

2010-02-15T14:35:00.005-05:00

And who says you don't learn anything from TV? I had no idea that February 14th was suffragist Anna Howard Shaw's birthday! What a good lesson for the kids.

It's Valentine's Day around the TGS offices, and Liz is determined to do away with lonely longing by scheduling her route canal for the 14th, spending the first half of the day in twilight sleep and the second half in front of the TV. Sounds like a good plan, until the dastardly dentist's office reveals that she has to have someone come pick her up after the procedure. She scrambles, looking for someone to come get her, but comes up short.

Jack, meanwhile, has an overabundance of Valentine's Day plans. On top of scheduling dates with three different women, he becomes enchanted with a sexy news anchor for a faux FOX News show called "The Hot Box", deftly played by Elizabeth Banks. Oh, Jack.

At a VIP after party for TGS, orchestrated by Liz solely to impress Jack's new news anchor lady friend, Liz meets Jon Bon Jovi (NBC Artist in Residence), who convinces her not to sign the release allowing her to drive herself home and be labeled a crazy, spinster, cat lady. Instead, she'll pretend that her boyfriend (Astronaut Mike Dexter, of course, who is rapidly becoming this season's Dr. Spaceman in terms of references per episode) will be picking her up.

Of course, things don't work out as planned. After her surgery, Liz is so wonky from the anesthesia that she hallucinates Dennis, her deadbeat ex-boyfriend, Floyd, the man she almost followed to Cleveland, and Dr. Drew, the devastatingly handsome but equally stupid Jon Hamm. It was wonderful to see these fine actors make a too-brief return to Liz Lemon's life, and especially as a vehicle for her to shout that she does want love in her life! Now, the fact that she makes this declaration to the annoyed nurses at her dentist's office makes it a little sadder, but no less hilarious.

The nurses decide to call people in Liz's phone until someone answers, and they reach Jack, just in the middle of a breakup with Elizabeth Banks. She wants a family, you see, a husband, and while Jack was fun for one weekend, he's not in it for the long run. Jack protests, and receives the call. He begs Elizabeth (ok, her character's name is Avery Jessup, but she's always Elizabeth Banks to me) to come with him to see that he's not lying. She does, and they take Liz home. Before falling dead asleep, Liz tells Elizabeth that Jack is a wonderful man, and she doesn't know what she'd do without him. Awwwwhhhh. I think this spells a character arc for Ms. Banks!

Although the episode was hilarious, I'm a little uncertain of the message we're left with. I was really excited that Liz was taking a stand against Valentine's Day and all that it represents. She's an independent woman, and she can do things on her own! Except she can't, and that's when she needs Jack's help. Not exactly a feminist victory. Oh well. Tina Fey and company make no claims about championing women's rights - it's just a TV show. And oh, what a TV show it is. I'll let it slide this once, 30 Rock, but only because you gave me a glimpse of Jon Hamm.

*swoon*

30 Rock - Verna, or Jenna's Origin Story

2010-02-15T13:51:00.011-05:00

I'd never wondered where Jenna came from, but after this episode, I'm so glad I know. Verna, Jenna's mom, makes a surprise visit to the TGS studios, in what should be a joyous family reunion. Instead, Jenna dreads her arrival, since their past is plagued with continual disappointments and overdoses. For strategies on dealing with impossible mothers, Jenna goes to Jack, who clearly has some experience. He has a Power Point presentation (of course) to help Jenna deal with her mom, but, strangely, she doesn't end up needing it. Verna's turned over a new leaf, and wants to pay Jenna back for all the help through the years. The celebrations culminate in a surprise birthday party where Verna and Jenna perform a rousing duet of "Do That To Me One More Time".

Meanwhile, Frank's apartment has burned down under mysterious, Star Wars related circumstances, so Liz lets him move into her extraneous apartment. She is shocked and appalled to find that Frank is a smoker! She lectures him, but he lectures her right back on her copious consumption of junk food. So, they decide to make a pact that they'll both quit their vices. Frank succeeds wonderfully, much to Liz's chagrin, as she's dealing with classic withdrawal symptoms. Liz can't believe that he can quit junk food so easily, so she crafts a plan to find him in the act of sneaking cigarettes.

Back in Verna land, it turns out her motives aren't quite as pure as Jenna had hoped, just as Jack always suspected. She's really trying to pitch a reality TV show to Jack about Verna and Jenna, complete with screaming, fighting, and drama. Jack says no, but has a counter-offer. He'll pay her to be a good mom to Jenna, visiting her 4 times a year, and not asking her for money. She agrees, and Jenna is none the wiser. But, now she has a supportive mom, so hooray!

Back at Liz's apartment, it turns out that Frank isn't sneaking cigarettes, but what he's doing is almost as bad. Using a nanny-cam one night, Liz catches Frank consorting with a heavy-set prostitute, but that's not all the camera catches! Turns out that Liz has been sleep eating, downing cheesy puffs, pizza, and even eating cigarettes, all without knowing. The lesson here is: everyone needs stress relief, and to take that away is a dangerous thing. Lesson learned.

Overall, a meh episode. I'm not crazy about Jenna, although the origin story really makes sense (a white trash Floridian with a crazy mom). It was also nice to see Jack do something purely out of the goodness of his heart.

The Office - Sabre, or The Evil Overlords Have Arrived, and They Are...Christian Slater?

2010-02-11T11:19:00.004-05:00

So, the new company has come to take over what was once Dunder Mifflin, and their face is a tall, lanky, dark haired boy who looks to be about the age of 17. Turns out his name is Gabe and he's there to oversee the transition, which mostly entails handing out metal water bottles and showing an informational "So, you've been taken over by the corporate conglomerate, Sabre" video, starring none other than Christian Slater, doing his best Troy McClure impression. We don't actually learn anything about Sabre from this video, but Christian Slater really convinces us that it's an awesome place to work. At the end, we see Kathy Bates giving another enthusiastic endorsement of the company, and I thought, "Oh, cool, Kathy Bates is their celebrity spokesperson too!" Turns out she's playing the president of Sabre (pronounced Saber, by the way).

But, not everyone seems to agree. Michael freaks out at all the changes in protocol (mostly having to do with increased efficiency) and decides to have a little chat with Kathy Bates about the way they do things in Scranton. She gets Darwinian on his ass and tells him to adapt or die. In response, Michael flees to David Wallace's house for advice.

When Michael arrives, he finds that David has descended into unemployment fantasy land, thinking up elaborate and unappealing children's toys. Michael realizes that Darwin was right, and he really should adapt. So, he goes back and gives an awkward toast (with orange juice) about how much he's going to love his new evil overlords.

Let's see how long this lasts.

House - Remorse, or you GUYS, it's about feeling bad about stuff!

2010-02-03T21:14:00.008-05:00

This week, we see a young, successful businesswoman overcome with splitting headaches that progresses into heart failure, liver failure, esophagus failure...pretty much all the failure you can have. The twist? She's also a sociopath! She has no feelings, people!

As the story progresses, it becomes clear that this woman is pretty much terrible. She uses all her friends and acquaintances for her own benefit and has no remorse. She even tries to coerce the medical board into taking away Thirteen's license by fabricating a sexual harassment claim!

So, of course, the whole point is to draw a parallel between this woman and House. There's even a scene where he asks her how it is to be a sociopath, and she's all like, "Meh, it's cool. Why you askin'?" And then House gets quiet and leaves.

But he's not a sociopath, you guys! He's just a misanthrope. The subplot this week is House contacting an old med school buddy. If by buddy, you mean, plagiarized on their final paper in a class House didn't like. Ruh-roh! So, they have an awkward lunch, and the dude (his name is Weatherby - how great is that?) reveals that, because he failed that test, he never got his medical license and is now a bag boy at the local grocery store. As if that weren't bad enough, Mr. Weatherby is also about to lose his house because he got an adjustable rate mortgage. Sucks to be you!

So, House gets all sad-like and gives Weatherby a ton of money for his mortgage. It's only then that Weatherby reveals he was just fibbing about all that stuff, and he actually got an A+ on the paper. Oh, and he was a successful orthopedic surgeon until he developed a gambling problem and lost both his license and his house. He just told House all that other stuff to guilt him. But now, House has this check for all this money, and is still trying to foist it on Weatherby. That must mean he has feelings, right? Because he can forgive this dude for lying and still want to bestow great riches upon him? Maybe?

Let's just say the message in all this was not exactly subtle. I'll give you a hint: it has to do with remorse.

But back to Mrs. Sociopath! They finally diagnose her with Wilson's Disease, which can cause sociopathic tendencies, and treat her for it. In addition to her liver/heart/etc. rapidly improving, she also gets her emotions back! Hooray! But now she's been a bitch to everyone in her life for the past 20 years, so most of those emotions are sad ones. Womp, womp.

Will the self-realization that he is not a sociopath make House a better guy? Methinks not, but I'm not concerned. As long as we have more exciting and less predictable patients in the future, Dr. House, I'm along for the ride no matter how badly you treat your friends and coworkers.

House - The Down Low, or Criminals Have Diseases Too!

2010-01-24T19:20:00.011-05:00

House delves into the world of drug dealing this week, when a second-rate lackey in a smuggling operation finds himself passing out every time he hears a loud noise, which is really inconvenient when you're surrounded by gunfire. Dr. House finds the case irresistibly vexing, so foists it onto his merry band of diagnosticians.

Bonus: the guy who plays the drug dealing patient is Ethan Embry, who was also the star of the short-lived, way ahead of its time FreakyLinks, which I, as an adolescent who loved The X Files, devoured.

Anyway, first they thought that drug dealer had some sort of inner-ear imbalance or brain tumor, but after both those hypotheses turn out to be null, they let him go with the idea that they'll follow him to his secret drug lair and test the environment for toxins. This didn't work, because he managed to lose the tail composed of Thirteen and Cameron. Luckily for the gang, he was right back in the hospital with worsening symptoms the next day.

Isn't it convenient how that always works out?

Also, there's an ongoing "practical joke" everyone on the team is playing on Foreman, pretending they get paid more than him. Apparently, this was mean to "bring him down a few notches"? Yes, doctors, pay discrepancy, especially for the only minority person on a team of equals, is HILARIOUS.

Eventually, we find out that drug dealer has been taking beta blockers to deal with all the stress of, you know, dealing drugs, which caused one of his original symptoms. With that off the table, the team is able to come with a new potential diagnosis, and start testing.

While all this is going on, Wilson and House have moved into their new apartment. While meeting the new neighbors, Wilson found someone he'd like to date. After she makes the mistake of thinking he and House are more than just roommates (hence the title), he enlists House's help to convince her that they're not gay. He decides to act really gay, in the hopes of eventually seducing her. The plan is very convoluted.

After making use of his amazing powers of deduction, House figures out that drug dealer is actually a cop, which is why he's been taking beta blockers - to hide shaky hands, sweating, trembling voice. All would be symptoms if you had to be a bad guy when you were really a good guy.

The cop gets worse and worse, and all the while, it becomes clear that the drug dealer guys are actually pretty nice, helping him out, risking their own hide by letting Thirteen go to the storage facility (a dry cleaners!) to look for environmental toxins. We find out that there's a big police bust coming that night, which is why the cop didn't want to tell anything about the operation, so it wouldn't be compromised. To make matters more confusing for Ethan Embry, his drug dealer buddy makes a heartfelt speech about what close friends they are. Oh Ethan, I bet you're feeling pretty conflicted right about now!

On the unequal pay distribution front, Foreman reveals to the team that he asked Cuddy for a raise, and after she refused, he decided to leave the hospital in search of greener pastures. The other three freak out, and rush to Cuddy to try and make amends. They offer to each take a pay cut so Cuddy can give Foreman a raise so he'll stay. After they make the agreement, it turns out that there was no other job, Foreman didn't really talk to Cuddy, and managed to manipulate them into giving him part of their paychecks. Haha - payback is delicious! I definitely did not see it coming, and this was about the only good way this storyline could have resolved itself. Well played, House.

Sadly for the cop, it turns out he has a rare and aggressive auto-immune disease that will kill him within the next 48 hours. He finally calls his wife, whom he hasn't seen in 16 months, and she's there as he draws his last breath. The bust goes as planned in the drug den, and all the bad guys, including the cop's buddy, gets taken in. Oh, and House reveals to the lady that he's not really gay, and she's mad at both of them.

The lesson in all this? Don't prank your friends about money, don't pretend to be gay to win the ladies, and don't go undercover with hardened criminals. Three solid pieces of advice, House.

The Office - The Banker, or Memory Lane

2010-01-24T19:06:00.006-05:00

Hey, guys, remember all that fun stuff that's happened on The Office over the years? Well, have I got a deal for you...

CLIP SHOW!

But I have to hand it to The Office for concocting a fairly plausible storyline to cover the gratuitous showing of times past. Turns out that, as part of the sale of Dunder Mifflin, a dude has to come and make sure that everything's ship shape in Scranton. He sits down with Toby and asks difficult questions about productivity, office accidents, sexual harassment (That's what she said montage!) and - wait for it - office relationships!

Oh yes, JAM fans, there's a montage of beautiful Jim and Pam relationships. Finally, something that the internet has been providing for years is now available in a The Office sanctioned format. Although, I must say, the internet has a better soundtrack.

But let's not be completely cynical. I don't know what it is about those two, but no matter how many times I see the exact same clips of classic Jim and Pam being adorable, it still tugs on my heartstrings. I guess I'm not made of stone after all.

Pretty fair overall, but I'm concerned about the tone that says, "Hey viewers, we're wrapping things up here." Has there been any chatter about The Office ending that I'm unaware of? With the sale of Dunder Mifflin, and now this, I'm pretty concerned that Michael and the gang are throwing in the towel. Although I certainly wouldn't blame them. But I need to be emotionally prepared for the end of this gang of misfits - that's not something that NBC can just foist on a person. Readers - keep your ears open!

30 Rock - Black Light Attack!, or You Win This Round, 30 Rock

2010-01-24T18:33:00.006-05:00

Well, 30 Rock finally got me. After years of vehemently denying the show trope that Liz is unattractive, they finally caught me in their web of lies. You see, this week Liz finally finds some man-loving, in the form of fresh meat, new castmember Danny. Danny is incredibly attractive, and Jack spends the entire episode trying to persuade Danny to dump Liz so they can hang out and be man-friends.

So, what's the problem? Here's the problem. Danny starts describing Liz to Jack, using veiled terms (because he's too much of a gentleman to kiss and tell - swoon!) and it becomes more and more clear that the lady-friend is Liz. Midway through his explanation, I thought to myself: "Oh, it's Liz! Wait, no, he would never go for a girl like her."

I know - what am I thinking?! Of course he would go for her - she's sexy, smart, and hilarious! But that moment of doubt, without my even realizing it, means that the smart writing and impressive characterization of Liz Lemon has overridden the visual part of my brain, telling me that Liz is, in fact, unattractive. This may be a failure for my eyes, but it's a triumph for the writing of 30 Rock. All I can say is: well played.

Anyway, Jack convinces Danny to dump Liz by pretending to be in love with Liz himself! Danny, naive fool that he is, believes this, and chivalrously ends his relationship with Liz so the man who loves her can find her. Man - when will this guy be any less than perfect?

There was also a weird subplot with Jenna learning to accept that she's getting older, and age gracefully, and a nonsensical bet wherein Jenna reveals her true age only if Liz reveals her secret, which goes by the code name "Tom Selleck". Shocker - it's a mustache.

You may have gotten me this week, 30 Rock, but look out - this active viewer doesn't accept defeat that easily!

The 67th Golden Globes, or Rematch: Oscars

2010-01-17T19:20:00.023-05:00

I don't know if you guys knew this, but...it was raining in LA.

Riddle me this: has there ever been an award pre-show where the weather was discussed with more vigor? I swear, if it hadn't been raining, Billy Bush would have had nothing to awkwardly banter about. Although the one up-side of the torrential downpour was seeing silly little Bush scramble around the red carpet invading the personal space of A-list celebs to grab some umbrella time.

Best weather joke from Tom Hanks: "NBC said it was going to rain at 10:00, but then they moved it to 11:30!" Zing! And speaking of the Late Night debacle, Julia Roberts greeted Billy Bush with the salutation: "NBC's in the toilet right now!" She may have been drunk.

NBC also instituted something called the "Fashion Cam" for the pre-show, which is an obscene knock-off of E!'s "360 Glam Cam". Though I didn't see the E! version, the Fashion Cam must have employed everyone's uncle who thinks he's an amateur photographer, but who can't NOT take pictures of people with their eyes half-closed and mouths open.

Revelation of the pre-show: JASON STACKHOUSE IS AUSTRALIAN. What?! My mind has been blown.

Onto the actual broadcast, Ricky Gervais spent the first three minutes of his monologue ripping on Steve Carell and promoting the original, British The Office. He followed that strong opener up with...penis jokes, followed by a weak Angelina-Julie-adopts-a-lot-of-babies jokes that I saw coming a mile away. Then, thankfully, the monologue was over. Disappointing, Mr. Gervais, I must say.

Oh, and they gave out awards, too! Here are some of the highlights, broken down into these helpful categories:

Foregone Conclusions:

Best Supporting Actress (Movie) - Mo'Nique for Precious

I think the awards buzz for Mo'Nique began while the book on which the movie was based was still being written.

Best Animated Film - Up

I really need to see this movie, apparently. Who knew crotchety old men were such a draw?

Best Song from a Movie - The Weary Kind for Crazy Heart

Another movie I should see? But Jeff Bridges as anyone other than The Dude or Obidiah Stane makes me suspicious.

Best Actress (Movie) - Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia

She always seems so surprised, not only when she wins, but even during that little montage where they show all the nominees. I can't tell if it's a put-on, or if she's just that good of an actress. She's probably just that good. Wouldn't it have been funny if she started thanking people from the other movie she was nominated for? Sadly, that did not happen.

Best Actor in a Comedy (TV) - Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock

Jack Donaghy was so cool, he didn't even come to the ceremony and still managed to win.

Best Supporting Actor (Movie) - Christoph Waltz for Inglourious Basterds

Dude speaks four languages. And managed to make a Nazi slightly likeable. It would have been a national emergency if he hadn't won.

Best Actor (Movie) - Jeff Bridges for Crazy Heart

It's The Dude's night, apparently. He even got a standing ovation, which means I guess I do have to see this movie now. Sigh. Just another thing on the to-do list.

Really? I Mean, Really?:

Best Actress in a Drama (TV) - Julianna Margolies for The Good Wife

Okay, so I haven't watched this show, so this isn't necessarily unbiased, but to pass up Glenn Friggin' Close for any award takes some serious cohones. On the other hand, I'm kind of glad that Anna Paquin didn't win, because she she's got the award for Best Vacant Stares and Heaving Bosom in the bag.

Best Screenplay (Movie) - Jason Reitman for Up in the Air

Again, not totally un-partisan because I didn't see it, but I'm fairly certain that Quentin Tarantino + Nazis = Better than Indie Ennui. Yeah, I said it.

Best Supporting Actress (TV) - Chloe Sevigny for Big Love

I love Big Love, but Jane Lynch of Glee was ROBBED! ROBBED, I say!

Best Director - James Cameron for Avatar

COME OOONNN!!! They're blue aliens! Kathryn Bigelow was so much better, and I was aching, just aching for the sweet ex-spouse schadenfreude I was about to experience on Kathryn's behalf. At least he didn't claim to be king of the world, but he did deliver part of his speech in Na'vi. Uuuggghhhh.

Best Drama (Movie) - Avatar

BLLAAARRRGGGHHHH!!!! DANCES WITH SMURFS?! You are killing me, Hollywood Foreign Press. Now I'm left with this bitter taste in my mouth for the rest of the night. I demand a rematch! See you at the Oscars, Cameron!

Well Played:

Best Supporting Actor (TV) - John Lithgow for Dexter

I think I've covered how delightful I found Arthur Miller this season. Also, I don't watch any of the other shows the other nominees were from.

Best Actor in a Drama (TV) - Michael C. Hall for Dexter

DEXTER! This was a way tough category, with MCH going head to head with Hugh Laurie from House, Jon Hamm from Mad Men, Bill Paxson from Big Love, and a dude from a show I've never heard of. Nice work, Hollywood Foreign Press Association.

Best Drama (TV) - Mad Men

Sure, things got a little swidgy near the middle of the season, but the Kennedy assassination and the end of the season was so great, they really deserve it. Another very tough category, but ultimately, good call.

Best Comedy (TV) - Glee

YYEEESSSS. In the acceptance speech, the producer said that this show was about "the importance of arts education," which is kind of true. But it's mostly about awesome musical numbers, double entendres, and the kind of high school drama we all thought we wanted to leave behind forever, but secretly love reliving.

Best Comedy (Movie) - The Hangover

Since this was the only movie of the nominees I saw, I was naturally rooting for it, but that is not to take away from its awesomeness. Zach Galifianakis also deserves every award for awkward sidekick there ever was. Also, I have to give some love to fellow Hoya Alum Bradley Cooper.

Best Actor (Movie) - Robert Downey Jr. for Sherlock Holmes

Wow, I guess I didn't see as many movies this year as I thought I did, because I didn't know these other movies. But RDJ gave the best acceptance speech of the night with a sweet line of non-thank yous to all his collaborators: "I don't need these people - they needed me!" and "I especially don't want to thank my wife, because if it wasn't for her, I'd be waiting tables at the Daily Grill right now!" Win.

30 Rock - Klaus and Greta, or Lemoning the Situation with James Franco

2010-01-15T20:42:00.006-05:00

On its triumphant return from the winter break, 30 Rock pulled out the big guns with special guest star James Franco, as...famous actor James Franco! Now, this interesting casting choice combined with the uber-meta storyline really raised some interesting questions about the nature of TV and stardom in general. You didn't think 30 Rock could do that, did you?

First off, a little background. For you non-celebrity watchers out there, James Franco has been appearing on the soap opera General Hospital as a serial killer named...wait for it...Franco. Just...Franco. Franco (the real one) then described his guest spot on the venerable soap as "performance art". And no, your eyes do not deceive you - that hyperlink goes to an op-ed in The Wall Street Journal by...JAMES FRANCO. No wonder newspapers are going bankrupt.

ANYWAY. With that in mind, let's lay out the story of Franco as Franco on 30 Rock. James Franco, the handsome and popular movie star (the fake one) starts up a manufactured tabloid relationship with Jenna in order to dispel rumors that he's in love with a Japanese body pillow. And yes, this too is a real thing.

So, if I'm reading this right, James Franco, who is garnering hype for playing a serial killer on a soap opera that has the same name as him, is concurrently guest-starring on a popular sitcom as an actor with the same name, who, in addition to loving an inanimate object, concocts an elaborate tabloid ruse for fame. My question is: how much of this was intentional meta-ness? What is 30 Rock telling us here? Is James Franco (the real one) telling us that his "performance art" is really a ruse? Is this guest spot another form of "performance art" for the fancy-schmancy Franco? Does James Franco really love Japanese body pillows?

These are questions to which there are no answers, readers. What I can tell you is that James Franco overacts horribly throughout the entire episode. But is he overacting because that's what fake Franco acts, or is James Franco actually a terrible actor? So many questions.

So, while this whole business happened, other characters existed too! Jack drunk dialed Nancy, his lost high-school love, on New Year's Eve and undoubtedly left a ridiculous message. So, he coerces Kenneth to go up to Boston with him, break into Nancy's house, and erase the message. Let's just say things don't go as planned, and the relationship with Nancy may be back on. More Julianne Moore! Hooray!

Other takeaways from this episode include the delightful phrase "Lemoned the situation", which is shorthand for: made awkward, ruined, destroyed. I plan on incorporating it at every turn, and if people don't get the reference, well, then I'll know who my true friends are.

Glee - Sectionals, or What's Next?

2010-01-09T13:07:00.007-05:00

Oh, Rachel!

Well, the cat's out of the bag on the paternity of the newest Fabray, thanks to Rachel's misguided sense of morality. She ferreted out the truth with a well-placed suggestion of Tay-Sachs Disease, and Puck continued his sort-of-trying-to-be-a-dad thing by agreeing to have the screening, but not that night, because he has to go to Fight Club. Puck! Remember the first rule of Fight Club! Duh!

Anyway, Quinn finds out after Rachel blabs, and with the lead male out of the gang, the hill to Sectionals glory just got a lot steeper. Way to go, Rach.

On the up side, Emma has stepped up to chauffeur the kids to Sectionals, much to Ken's chagrin. Just another instance of Emma choosing Will over him. After recruiting Journalist Jacob to be the 12th member of the club, the team arrives at Sectionals and re-meet up with the reform school ladies and the Haverbrook folks. But there'll be no John Lennon singalongs this time, as the schools and their faculty advisors are in it to win it. While watching the other two schools perform, they realize that the other two schools have stolen their set list, and freak out (understandably). They can't perform all the same numbers the judges just saw, so what will they do?

Emma alerts Will to the situation - "Artie keeps ramming himself against the wall!" - and he takes the reins. After having an impotent run-in with Sue, Will persuades Finn to step up and show some leadership. Finn steals/borrows Will's car and races to Sectionals. There, he miraculously re-forms the set list and leads the team to glory with "You Can't Always Get What you Want" (unsubtly suggested by Will) and Rachel's rendition of "Don't Rain on My Parade". Magical.

After a tense judge deliberation with a sweet cameo from the girl that played Sarah on True Blood, they come to the obvious conclusion that the McKinley High belters are the best. Hooray! More New Directions!

So, everyone's a winner now, and Will looks to celebrate by attending Emma's nuptials with Ken. On the way, Terri makes one last ditch effort to wile Will back, but he shoots her down. Bam!

Speaking of being shot down, it looks like Terri isn't the only one. Ken left Emma at the aisle, leaving her stranded at the most depressing VFW reception ever. Emma confesses her feelings for Will, tells him she's resigning, and he is completely awkward and unhelpful about it. Way to go, Will.

Will also informs Principal Figgins about Sue's bad behavior, and he makes the surprise choice of suspending her! Shock! Sue takes in stride, promising to exact retribution on all those who have done her wrong. But mostly Will.

Just when you think that'll be the end to this half-season, the kids surprise Will with a Kelly Clarkson tribute, "My Life Would Suck Without You". Okay, I had a few issues with this number. Let's talk about it:

First off, the choice of song was a bit strange. I've always found the message of this particular number a little mixed. It's basically a description of some guy who really treats this girl badly, but she keeps taking him back. Why? Because they "belong together". I don't know about this. Also, there have been constant criticisms of Glee's over-autotuning of its performers, who have naturally wonderful voices all on their own. It's never bothered me, but the chorus especially seemed almost entirely computer generated. Next, the choreography. Specifically, the little interlude where the girls crouched down and slapped their inner thighs. What?! Inappropriate, especially considering they were all wearing miniskirts, and that they're, what, 16? I don't know about this, Glee. Finally, there was the big finale where Will slow-mo races to find Emma, finally realizing that she's awesome, and plants a sloppy one right on her kisser. I actually kind of loved that part.

So, now we have to wait until April (I think?) to see what happens with these crazy kids. I just want to point out that it was a huge oversight to have Eve guest star for not one, but two, episodes, and not make use of her fantastic voice. Maybe she'll be back for Regionals? And now that Terri is newly single, will she still want little baby Fabray-Puckerman? My gut says no, which makes things more complicated for the still-homeless Quinn. Also, I imagine Finn will be kicking her out, leaving her where? To shack up with Puck? Something tells me that the mother who thought Puck was just as bad as the Nazis for not dating a Jewish girl won't put up with a shiksa intruder into her home. But who knows? Maybe she'll be really cool about it? And what about Quinn? Finally single, will he start up with Rachel? Will her neuroses drive him to the hills? So many questions, and now we have 4 months to sit and brood about the answers! Let me know your thoughts on the upcoming second half of the season. Until then, I'll be repeatedly listening to Glee, Volumes 1 and 2 on my iPod in anticipation.

Dexter - The Getaway, or Seriously, When Does Next Season Start?

2009-12-19T12:45:00.008-05:00

We start right where we left off last episode, with Arthur and Dexter having an epic showdown in the homicide department. He leaves, after threatening Dexter's family if he doesn't leave him alone, and Dex follows in hot pursuit. He corners Arthur in a parking garage and injects his magic sleeping potion. Unfortunately, he can't complete the kill, because the law has caught up to Dexter for careening into a car and snapping off one of its side mirrors. Dexter hides the massive piles of cash that Arthur has on him, as well as his keys and wallet. Dexter does not keep his cool with the sheriff's department, and is jailed for fleeing the scene of a crime.

Rita picks him up and is strangely okay with the whole thing. They decide to reconnect and have the honeymoon they never got to have. This works out well for Dexter, since he knows that Arthur is tracking him. The safest place for his family to be is not at their house.

Arthur then off to find Dexter's home address, but is foiled by bad record keeping in the post office when he goes to Deborah's apartment, which is still under Dexter's name. He then goes home and takes all his family's valuables hoping to flee while he still has a chance.

At the police department, they've figured out the ruse of the truck driver, and are able to nail down that the real killer is Arthur based on the testimony of the little boy who survived his abduction. A full commando swat team descends on Arthur's house while Dexter is questioning the family as to Arthur's whereabouts. The police cart the family away.

Deb also has some news for Dexter. She's been snooping around their dad's past and found out that Ms. Laura Moser was one of Harry's paramours. She also found out that, at the time of her death, Laura was survived by her two sons, Dexter and Brian. Deb knows that Brian was the ice truck killer, and figures out Dexter's true origins. She breaks the news to Dexter, and he does a convincing job of pretending not to know.

Dexter then descends into a pit of self-pity and worry for his family's safety, being that he's a serial killer and all. He doesn't want them to end up like the Mitchells, terrorized by their father and appalled when they find out the truth. But it's different! His family loves him, and he's not a jerk!

So, Arthur has definitely skipped town in his vintage Mustang, which he recently had repainted black. He rides off into the sunset with the police left scratching their heads. Will he get away with it all? NO! It's Dexter the Vigilante to the rescue. He'd somehow secreted himself into the backseat/trunk (it's unclear) of the tiny convertible and engineering a breakdown from said hiding spot. Dexter is magic, apparently.

And now, finally, FINALLY, Dexter can get to the business of taking care of Trinity once and for all. They have a heartfelt chat about the life of a serial killer, with Arthur repeating over and over "It's already done." Yeah, it's done...FOR YOU! Dexter kills him with the same hammer he used to kill that dude in the office building, just for old time's sake. He dumps the body, and is filled with a heretofore unknown sense of serenity, content that his family is safe and sound in the Florida Keys, and looking forward to joining them.

When he gets back to the house, he gets a message from Rita that she forgot her ID and had to catch a later flight. Oh well. He gives her a ring, but her cell phone and purse and sitting on the kitchen counter. Then, he hears Harrison cry. He follows the sound into the bathroom to find Harrison sitting on the floor, yowling and covered in blood. Rita has been killed in the bathtub, in the ritual way of all the young women Trinity kills.

So, wait, what? What's the chronology on this? Trinity leaves his house, goes to get his convertible, makes a pit stop at Dex's house (how did he find out it was his house if he was still listed at his apartment??), then rides off into the sunset (but not really)? Or was it SOMEONE ELSE?! Well, those questions, as important as they are, are now moot points. Dexter is now the sole custodian of three children, something that will certainly preclude his "working late" and "spending the night at the office". These kids need him, not some of the time, not when he's not dealing with the dark passenger, but always. At the end of the episode, before the Rita reveal, Dexter hoped and wished that his dark passenger would soon leave him free to a normal family life. Will he be able to repress it for his children's sake? Will he want to? So many questions! I want to know what happens! When is the next season?! So much excitement, but so much waiting.

Dexter - Hello, Dexter Morgan, or Multiple Choice

2009-12-19T11:51:00.011-05:00

First off, I want to let everyone know that I am filled with sadness today. My long-awaited, yearly two-week trip home has been brutally shortened by the DC phenomenon known as Thundersnow or DC Snowpacolypse. I was supposed to make my triumphant return to the home land today, but weather said NO. So, I have until Tuesday to sit around, play some Wii, and, of course, cover the latest TV escapades. Speaking of which - Dexter!

Things are getting crazy for our man Dex after he found Arthur trying to pull a Han Solo on that poor little kid. Arthur tries to track him down, or track Kyle Butler down, and give him the old what for. The old what for in this case is, of course, murder.

The detectives, meanwhile, interrogate old Christine about her relationship to Trinity, and she stonewalls. She is really devoted to her awful father, apparently. Dexter sees how close they are to finding Arthur, so decides to throw them off the trail by framing a trucker with a history of killing prostitutes. He finds him, murders him, and plants Arthur's DNA (handily stolen from the Mitchell household) all over the trucker's house.

Arthur has also been calling Dex, trying to figure out who he really is, and Dexter turns it around, saying he'll go to the police with the fact that Arthur is a pedophile (not actually true) if Arthur doesn't give him $50,000. Of course, Dexter doesn't really want the money - he wants Arthur's blood.

Christine is released from the station, since they don't charge her, and she frantically calls Arthur, looking for help and guidance. Arthur tells her to never call again (Father of the Year!) and Christine is distraught. She calls Deb over, confesses to killing Lundy and injuring her, then shoots herself. Yikes.

Dexter is trying to catch Arthur in an amusement park (no doubt trying to abduct another little boy), but when Deb calls him away, Arthur sees him and follows him back to the police station! After some detective work of his own, Arthur figures out that Dex is in the homicide division, and wanders up there with a stolen visitors' pass. He meanders into the Trinity room, where all his victims' pictures are laid before him. Arthur laughs maniacally.

Let's pause for a second. Imagine you are a police officer in Miami. You see a strange man who fits the exact profile of the Trinity killer (based on the DNA evidence gathered) laughing maniacally while surveying all the evidence. Do you:

A) alert the head of homicide while subtly blocking all exits

B) walk into the room and inquire what exactly this dude is doing

C) stroll casually by and not take any action

Apparently, Miami Metro protocol is C, because no one did ANYTHING. Eventually, Dexter catches sight of Arthur, and they have a confrontation in the middle of the homicide room. Again, there are several things Dexter could have done in this situation, but his motivations for not doing them are clear. If Arthur is accused within the frames of the law, Dexter cannot exact his justice, and there's a chance Arthur will get away with his crimes. So, paradoxically, it's better for Dexter to protect Arthur from the long arm of the law. Anyhow, they meet in the middle of the homicide area, Arthur reads Dex's badge, and the last line of the episode is, of course, "Hello, Dexter Morgan." The end!

And now we're all set for the finale - all the pieces are set in motion, everyone's secrets have been revealed. Oh, and Angel and LaGuerda are married now, as if you cared. Next up: finally killing Trinity? Let's hope so - because somebody is going down in this battle, and if it's Dex, this show will become a whole lot less watchable.

30 Rock - Secret Santa, or Why Is YouFace Not a Real Thing?

2009-12-14T21:41:00.004-05:00

It's Christmas at 30 Rockefeller Plaza, and the hi-jinks have a bittersweet aftertaste this week. Kenneth, full of Christmas cheer, tries to organize an insanely complicated Secret Santa Fun Swap, much to the dismay of Frank, Toofer, and Lutz. To get out of it, they make up an equally complicated religion that precludes their inclusion in Secret Santa.

Meanwhile, Jack is reconnecting with friends on the cool new social networking site YouFace, and his first crush fingertaps him to say she's in town for the weekend. With a relationship status of "weirdsies", Jack figures he has a shot at his long-lost love, who turns out to be Julianne Moore sporting a wicked awesome Boston accent. Sounding like she just left the caahhh ovehh at Hahhvahhd yahhd, she and Jack reconnect over their shared past.

Liz has decided that she wants to exchange gifts with Jack this year, and finds out from Jonathan that Jack is a notoriously amazing gift-giver, probing deep into your soul to grant you your greatest wish. Someone, the portrayal of Jack as a modern day Santa doesn't jibe with his character, but I'll let it slide. Liz becomes increasingly anxious about what she'll find for Jack, so they agree on exchanging gifts without monetary value.

Kenneth, of course, has fallen completely for Frank, Lutz, and Toofer's fake religion, catering to their every religious need, especially free sausage pizza. Tracey breaks it to Kenneth that it was all fake, which shakes Kenneth's belief in all organized religion.

Jack and Nancy (Julianne Moore) have a wonderful evening together, and, after some tutoring in the ways of social networking from Suri, he decides to take her out for dinner. They have a wonderful time, but she has to return home with her boys and her husband. They share a chaste goodbye, and Jack bemoans what may have been.

At the taping of the TGS Christmas special, Jack presents Liz with a framed ticket of a high school, gender-neutral production of The Crucible, in which she played John Proctor. Liz doesn't have anything for Jack...or does she? It turns out that Nancy's train was cancelled, and after being stuck in New York, gives Jack the goodbye he deserves. And why was it cancelled? Because someone called in a bomb threat. It's a Christmas miracle!

Liz's illegal actions make another's Christmas more merry, since Frank, Toofer, and Lutz are arrested in her place (Liz dialed from their phone). Because they've been punished for their lies, Kenneth once again believes there is a vengeful God out there waiting to judge us for our sins. Christmas is saved!

The most important part of this episode is, by far, YouFace. I really enjoyed the elaborate and ridiculous vocabulary assigned to the social network, and as part of the first generation of Facebook, I feel similarly out of touch with the young kids and their new-fangled contraptions, while still in enough to get the references. Here's a tip, 30 Rock: if you put out a YouFace beta right now, you'll be the next Mark Zuckerberg. Here's hopin'!

The Office - Secret Santa, or How Michael Stole Christmas

2009-12-14T20:10:00.006-05:00

It's Christmas time at Dunder Mifflin, and, despite looming bankruptcy, the gang decides to take an afternoon off and have a Christmas party! Fulfilling a lifelong dream, Phyllis steps into the role of Santa Claus, showing that anything a man can do, Phyllis can do better. Michael, however, decides to spoil Phyllis's feminist joy by insisting that he's the real Santa Claus. Jim eventually persuades him to put the choice to a vote, and the office overwhelmingly goes for Progressive Santa Phyllis.

In retaliation, Michael dresses up as Sulky Jesus, who ruins all the Secret Santa gifts, including revealing Andy as Erin's mysterious gift-giver. That would be fine, except Andy went characteristically over the top and gave Erin all the items described in the 12 Days of Christmas. Needless to say, having 30 birds in your house is not as nice as the song, and Erin was really upset. After being banished by Jim, Michael calls David Wallace to whine. Instead of the comforting news that he could be Santa again - "She uslurped my position!" he cries - Michael finds out that Dunder Mifflin has a buyer, and that they're going to clean house after the takeover. The entire board will be out on the streets, and no one knows what's in store for the other employees.

Michael spills the beans, of course, and everyone is aghast. They manage to get David back on the phone, who reveals that it's only executives getting the can, and the new company bought Dunder Mifflin only for the distribution. Everyone at Scranton is safe! It's a Christmas miracle! Hooray! The enjoy the rest of the party, and Andy redeems himself with a private drum line serenade for Erin (12 drummers drumming, get it?).

Michael was obnoxious, but it was a nice Christmas episode. It managed to be uplifting and advance the plot, which is a nice combo. But who's the new company? Will this be another merger situation, where Michael systematically runs out new employees? Most importantly, what will the new office name be? Let's hope The Office kicks off the new year with more hilarity, less Michael ruining things, and of course, the Halpert baby!

The Office - Scott's Tots, or Michael Scott: Life Ruiner

2009-12-10T22:43:00.004-05:00

I knew almost immediately that I would detest this episode. For reasons previously mentioned, the sight of Michael Scott systematically ruining lives does very little for my funny bone. Watching those sweet kids get all worked up about their free college tuition broke my heart. But, thank goodness, Michael got his comeuppance and couldn't avoid telling the kids the truth. They, of course, were outraged and appalled, and Michael felt serious guilt. Good! After trying to buy their sympathies with laptop batteries, Michael finally gives in and agrees to pay one of the kid's book fees for the four years of college. Well, it's something.

On the way back, Erin tries to console him with the high graduation rate of the class, and that these kids now have a better shot than they would have without Michael's false promise. Even Michael realizes how little this makes up for his huge transgression, and shuts her down. But, they share a strange moment of closeness where Michael vaguely agrees to give her a raise because he has a "feeling" about her. And who else has he had a "feeling" about? None other than Kevin Malone, ladies and gentlemen. And we all know how well that worked out.

Meanwhile, Dwight has a multi-step plan engineered to get Jim fired that revolves around an Employee of the Month award. To Dwight's credit, he really makes things tough for Jim, rigging it so that Jim unknowingly picks himself as the winner, collecting money for a cash prize, and doing eerily precise imitations of his co-workers on the phone to David Wallace. Unfortunately for Dwight, the whole plan backfires to due David and Jim's newly close relationship. At the end of the episode, when all looks lost, Ryan outs himself as a fellow Jim hater, and Ryan joins Dwight's diabolical plan to get rid of Jim. Duh, duh, duuuh!

So, not only did Michael (self-admittedly, even!) ruin lives, Jim looked back. It was a tough episode for those of us who dislike both situations on The Office, but gratifying to see Michael get his just desserts. And, of course, to see Jim finagle his way out of another managerial disaster. At some point, however, we're all going to have to face up to the fact that Jim just isn't great as co-manager, and that will truly be a sad day for all. Until then, like the hijinks ensue!

30 Rock - Dealbreakers Talk Show No. 001, or Liz the Hag

2009-12-09T20:31:00.010-05:00

Well, there's nothing like pressure to make a good thing go bad. It's finally time to start taping Dealbreakers when Jack gets a threatening call from one Devin Banks. If NBC loses any money on Dealbreakers, the show will be over for Jack. So, in a frenzy to prepare, he criticizes everything about Liz: her glasses, her clothes, her smiles. Pretty much everything except her hair, which is fine. How can they trust her to perform? "She's a writer with zero performance experience!" Jack exclaims. Of course, this whole episode is a riff on the real Liz Lemon's foray into acting on Saturday Night Live. Unfortunately, it looks like Tina Fey's alter-ego will have a more difficult time.

While Liz is gone, she arranges for Frank to assume control of TGS. Frank unhinges, starts nagging, wearing cardigans and glasses, and turns into Liz. But, the Liz he's becoming is no longer the Liz we know.

After getting a terrible haircut and faulty lasik surgery, we see a painful scene of Liz shooting the opening credits for her show. She's unimaginably stiff and unlikeable, and Pete has to constantly coach her into acting normal. "Now wave!" he shouts from behind the camera. "Like a human!" he has to clarify. The worst comes when Liz steps in front of the high definition camera, which makes her look...let's say, not great. (A quick and delightful sight gag if you missed it - when Jack stepped in front of the camera, it showed him during his Hunt for Red October days - the camera is sure good to him!) Even though both Jack and Pete console Liz and tell her she's doing a wonderful job, she collapses and locks herself into her dressing room. Suddenly, Liz has become another neurotic actress like Jenna.

Jack succeeds in taking the door off its hinges and getting to Liz, who's in the middle of a psychotic breakdown. She's developed a whole other personality, Performer Liz, who threatens to take control and usurp the kind, warm Liz we all know and love. Writer Liz wins the day, but Dealbreakers is over. Luckily, it wasn't a complete loss, as Jack was able to sell the opening credit footage to Sheinhart Wig to use as TV footage in the background of all their soap operas. So, anytime anyone on those program is watching TV, Liz will be there. Plus, it has the added benefit of keeping Devin on Jack's back for another day.

The B-line this week was Tracy trying to win an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, and Tony, after seeing a piece of bling with the word EGOT. His crack team of researchers (Kenneth, Dot Com, and Griz) find out that most EGOT winners are composers, so Tracy sets out to write the perfect song. It fails, of course, but Tracy gets some life lessons from EGOT winner Whoopi Goldberg on how to succeed. Her advice is that it has to come from your heart. Aaaahh, heartwearming.

Overall, it was a cute gimmick having Liz move into the performance world just as Tina did, and it was definitely foreshadowed with all the impending noise about the talk show. Of course, it would be far less hilarious if Liz succeeded as brilliantly as Tina has, so some missteps were definitely in order. It's still upsetting, though, to see Liz constantly portrayed as an ugly hag (see: high definition camera gag), even though she's absolutely gorgeous. I suppose I can suspend my disbelief, but please, Tina/Liz, let's have an episode where everyone realizes that you're a smokin' hot babe. Thanks.

V – It’s Only the Beginning, or Welcome Back, Wacky Right-Wing Conspiracy Theories!

2009-12-09T16:43:00.004-05:00

Continuing its experimentation with different cinematic styles, this week’s V starts with a cliffhanger, which could have been really cool, had it not been a total letdown. *Sigh* We see Ryan ominously pointing a gun at Erica, who looks completely baffled while cradling Georgie’s bloody body. End scene. A black screen then directs back to 14 hours earlier, where we will hopefully figure out how we got to this craziness.

Through another Scott Wolf-Anna interview (does he do anything else these days? Is there anything else on TV anymore?), we find out that Anna has some very special news! No, we’re not all getting new cars, but we are getting cures cancer and aging! The crowd goes wild!
But, of course, it’s too good to be true, and Ryan the Traitor V knows that that wily Anna is up to something. So, he calls an emergency meeting of the V Team to discuss. Apparently, a few years back, the V’s were putting together some sort of shot to give humans as part of a larger annihilation plan. Well, what’s the plan, Ryan? Of course, he declines to share. They decide to try and track down the V scientists known to be working on the project and politely ask them to explain what’s happening, since Ryan has clammed up. Georgie would rather capture a V, skin the human-suit off it, and show it to the world. So, when they find and tail one of the scientists, instead of calmly observing the license plate, Georgie runs up, gun blazing, and threatens the scientist-man. Of course, Mr. Scientist also has a gun, and promptly shoots Georgie. Erica runs up, cradles him, and Ryan slow-walks toward the scene, gun drawn. It’s like from the beginning, you guys!

With the help of a different camera angle, we realize that Ryan is really pointing his gun at the V standing right behind Erica, and shoots him. That was it, V? Really? You just pulled the “It looks like he’s shooting one person, but he’s really shooting someone behind them” trick? So disappointing. I was really hoping that the V’s had secretly made a V-skin of Erica, and she was an informant. Not the case.

Meanwhile, Anna has been spying on Tyler, Erica’s son, via the super creepy jacket cams, and decides that he really is “the one” and invites him up to the mothership. They have adventures, and we still have no idea what “one” Tyler is.

We see some scenes of Scott Wolf checking out the healing centers, and all the miraculous, free health care they provide. It’s universal health care, everyone! And America has not been destroyed! But, there are definitely long waits and rationing, so it’s not quite utopia.
The V Team somehow finds the warehouse where all the “vitamin supplements” are being kept, and break in. They find desiccated human remains and stockpiles of the vitamins. But – shocker – it’s not the vitamins that have the secret, evil ingredient. It’s FLU VACCINES housed at the same facility! Oh, snap! So, now, in addition to buying into crazy birther theories about how charisma destroys everything, they’re now reinforcing the ridiculous idea that flu vaccines were manufactured to kill great swaths of people. Awesome job, V. Anyway, the V’s are putting something in the flu vaccine, and we still don’t know what it is.

Dr. Sweet Coat also made his triumphant return this week. After Anna finds out about Dale’s death, she becomes obsessed with finding his killer. Dr. Sweet Coat and Dr. Assistant Guy have an obvious conversation about their activity in the 5th Column. They’re so loud that you can hear their conversation echoing in the long, circular halls. But, apparently, the other V’s are so stupid that they don’t hear it. Anyway, Dr. Assistant takes the fall for the murder, and as punishment, has his human-suit ripped off. Yowch.

The other important part of this episode was the revelation that Ryan’s fiancé went to one of the healing centers for a possible cure to her heart condition. Turns out they can cure it! Hooray! But that pales in comparison to the fact that she’s...preggers! Alien-human baby! I totally called it! But, that disproves my Tyler-Lisa mating theory.

So, what is Tyler “the one” for? If it’s not an impregnation scheme, I’m all out of ideas. Thoughts? Predictions? What you wish would happen but know can’t because of indecency laws? Share them all in the comments!

Glee - Mattress, or Unanticipated Gravity

2009-12-05T22:22:00.010-05:00

I don't remember yearbook pictures fraught with such anxiety, but maybe it was a Montana thing. The central conflict this week centers around the impending yearbook photos, and all the glee club members' concern that they will be defaced for their participation in such an uncool club. Principal Figgins declares that there will be no glee club picture, partially to spare their delicate feelings, and partially because there's no room in the budget (typical). Will has a hissy fit, and spends upwards of $300 paying for an ad in the back of the yearbook. The catch? Only two people can fit in the mini-ad , so the glee club must elect co-chairs to represent them. Rachel jockeys hard for the position, mostly to cement her role as most involved person at school.

Will insists that Rachel must have a co-captain, so after a string of rejections, she appeals to Finn's sense of leadership, who agrees. After a pre-emptive football hazing as the new co-face of glee club, Finn backs out, leaving Rachel to pose all by her lonesome. Sadness.

But, during her photo shoot, Rachel finds out the yearbook photographer is casting for a mattress store commercial in town. She signs up all the glee clubbers, who are strangely enthusiastic about this opportunity at local stardom. Mind you, I would have been much more embarrassed to appear in a hokey local ad than in my high school yearbook, but I don't know the rules of McKinley High.

So, the kids perform an awesome cover of "Jump" and bounce around on mattresses for the local warehouse. As a thank you, they're given a pile of mattresses that sit in the choir room.

Will, having no idea that the commercial shooting took place, stumbles upon Terri's fake pregnancy belly and puts two and two together. He confronts her, then storms out. Luckily, there's a pile of mattresses right by his office! Hooray! He breaks one open and sleeps on it.

Sue, while performing her segment on local TV news, sees the mattress commercial and realizes that it disqualifies the New Directions from performing in sectionals. She really knows that rule manual, as any activity resulting in payment immediately disqualifies any school from the amateur competitions. Unfortunately, since Will opened one of the mattresses given to the club, they can't return or donate their "payment", effectively ending glee club (since the original deal was that they had to place at sectionals in order to continue - remember?).

BUT, miraculously, it's Quinn to the rescue! She's desperate to get back on Cheerios and into the cheerleading yearbook photo, so she blackmails Sue into letting the glee club compete at sectionals and have a full page spread in the yearbook. It seems that the girls in Cheerios are showered with complimentary swag, which they sell on eBay for a profit, and if Principal Figgins knew, they'd be banned from competing as well. Sue compliments Quinn's ruthlessness, and sends her away.

Will figures out that if he recuses himself from glee club competition, the team will be intact and able to go to sectionals. He is sad, of course, but the show will go on for New Directions. At the end of the episode, we learn that all the efforts of the club has been in vain, as the football losers still deface their photo in the yearbook. Womp, womp.

So, Will's out of glee club - again. He's also out of his marriage, potentially, which will create an interesting decision for Emma (who's back - hooray!), about to impend on her own disappointing union. Will she decide to hold out for the newly-single (maybe?) Will? The most devastating scene of the episode was by far when Will discovered Terri's treachery, a moment of unanticipated gravity in the usually light hearted series. He was both heartbroken and infuriated, which isn't an easy combo. More evidence that Will is more than a pretty face. Does this mean the end of Terri? No more ruthlessly screwing up Will's life? Maybe. But wouldn't it be perfect if Terri got for-reals pregnant right now, and Will didn't believe her? I smell impending irony!

The Office - Shareholder's Meeting, or RECYCLOPS

2009-12-03T19:50:00.007-05:00

Can we please talk about how wonderful that opening segment was? I want Recyclops to come to my work every Earth Day. And the montage of how Recyclops evolved over the years, complete with different receptionists to match the year? Priceless. Just. Priceless. Also, it served the important purpose of setting the episode on April 22nd, just in case you like to know these things. It doesn't make sense for them to do themed episodes this year (like Thanksgiving) because they have to keep a constant timeline, what with the Halpert baby on the way.

The main event this episode revolves around a shareholder meeting in New York, to which Michael is invited, as the manager of the highest yielding branch. But, when he arrives, with Oscar, Dwight, and Andy in tow, the mood is far less celebratory than Michael anticipated. The mood only worsens after Michael reveals that he was driven up in a limo and treated to free food before the meeting. Needless to say, this did not go over well with all the workers faced with the prospect of losing their jobs. After being hounded by boos, hisses, and shouts of dismay throughout the first half of the meeting, the board motions to take a 15 minute break. Unable to take it anymore, Michael bursts forth with a string of empty promises, including a 45-day plan to turning the company around. Of course, there is no such plan, and Dunder Mifflin is headed for bankruptcy.

Back in the board room, Michael calls Oscar in to come up with a plan, since he had vocally expressed his dismay with the foolishness of the company, and how he could run things more efficiently. Faced with an opportunity to shape the future of the company, Oscar balks, mumbles something about "being in the best of hands" and leaves. Poor Oscar, normally the pinnacle of honor and forthrightness, reduced to a servile grunt in the face of the Dunder Mifflin board. If anyone was going to show them what's what, I knew it would be Oscar, and the fact that even he was powerless shows just how poorly Dunder Mifflin is faring.

After calling the president of Dunder Mifflin an idiot, Michael is run out of the board room, and he, Andy, Dwight, and Oscar made a mad dash to their limo and ride back to Scranton.

While they're away, Jim is forced to deal with his sub-par managerial skills and his reputation as an ineffectual office clown. Ryan refuses to do data entry work, Phyllis takes a two hour lunch, and no one listens when Jim reprimands them. Jim, in a show of power, decides to set up an office for Ryan in a storage closet as punishment, until he does the work that Jim has prescribed. Not the most mature of approaches, but at least he now garners a modicum of respect.

Well, things still seem to be headed down for old Dunder Mifflin, which I did not expect. The ominous last shot of DMI's stock plunging downward suggests that no miracle cure is in the future. But I still don't know how they can pull off the continuation of the show without Dunder Mifflin. Perhaps the writers are planning a finale at the end of this season, which would be fitting. We're grown a lot with these guys over the years, and with Jim and Pam together, what office angst is there left to plumb? Although, I should know better. There's almost more workplace drama, and if it's anywhere to be found, it's at Dunder Mifflin, Scranton.

Glee - Hairography, or Sad Clown Hooker

2009-12-01T21:15:00.007-05:00

This week marked the return of two of my favorite love-to-hate-them characters, Sue and Terri. Sue is back to her diabolical scheming against the glee club, and Terri is growing more and more desperate for a baby. But let's start with Sue.

Turns out our gal Sue has been spying on the Glee club, using poor, sweet Brittany as her spy - a truly unfortunate choice. Trying to clear things up with the rival team, Will makes a visit to Jane Adams Academy, a correctional high school for girls. The singer Eve, who is looking quite lovely, makes a guest appearance as the glee club coordinator, who complains that they don't even have a gymnasium in which to practice! Will generously extends William McKinley's auditorium as a rehearsal space and the sight of a quick scrimmage between the two glee clubs.

The girls turn out in revealing outfits and belt out "Bootylicious", that Destiny's Child favorite, complete with serious hairography. What's hairography, you ask? Well, luckily Rachel is here with the answer: it's a distracting ploy wielded by sub-par groups to distract from their mediocre vocals and singing. Will, unnerved by the impressive Jane Adams Academy ladies, decides to steal the strategy and have the kids sing a mashup of "Crazy in Love" (Beyonce theme, today, apparently) and the theme song from Hair. Sue is dead set against this plan, saying that Will is distracting from the kids' talent, and it's an embarrassment. Will doesn't care. They invite (or, rather, are forced to invite) their other competitors at sectionals, the local deaf high school. Crazy in Love/Hair is mediocre, and the hairography is unimpressive, and the representatives from the deaf high school know it.

When it's their turn, the kids sign a heart-warming rendition of John Lennon's "Imagine", and Mercedes decides to start singing along with them. Eventually, all the New Directions folks are up there singing with their new friends, and the result is a lovely song. Also, all the New Directions members conveniently know/pick up sign language, so are able to sign along with the other choir. Personally, if I were performing at a rival high school, I'd be a little miffed if the competition stole my thunder and butted in on my performance...but, it seemed to work.

After seeing the glorious simplicity of no hairography, Will realizes he's been a fool to mask the kids' talent with theatrics, and concedes that Sue was right. In her usual fashion, Sue still decides to give the setlist over to the two rival schools, and what do they do with them? We'll have to see.

Meanwhile, let's talk about Terri. But to talk about Terri, you first have to talk about Quinn, who's vacillating between keeping the baby and giving it to Terri. She's also having second thoughts about disowning Puck, so gives him a second chance while babysitting Terri's sister's awful demon children. They connect, sing a soulful "Papa Don't Preach" (something I didn't think was possible) and Quinn goes home convinced that Puck will be a great father. Unfortunately for Quinn, it turns out that Puck spent the entire night sexting (if you don't know, you don't want to) with Santana, that other perky cheerleader in the glee club. She reneges, and decides that she'll still give the baby to Terri.

Terri is growing ever more nervous about her fake belly and about Will finding out, so she buys him an old sports car to repair as a distraction. But, in a fit of responsibility, Will realizes that a sports car is no good for a growing family, so he sells it and buys a minivan instead. Oh Will, when will you stop being so adorable?!

But wait, you may be asking yourself, if Quinn was hanging out with Puck, where was Finn? I'm glad you asked! Corralled by Quinn, Kurt performs a makeover on Rachel to make her more alluring to Finn, thereby distracting him from Quinn's growing feelings for Puck. Rachel dolls up and does her best Olivia Newton John impression for a duet of "You're the One That I Want", only to be rejected by Finn for looking...too dolled up. Best line of the night: "You look like a sad clown hooker."

Turns out that Kurt, growing more Machiavellian by the episode, set Rachel up to be too over the top, telling her that that's what Finn liked in a girl. She's pissed, as you may guess, and figures out that Kurt has equally strong feelings for our leading man. After Quinn and Finn reconcile at the end of the episode (they'd been fighting, apparently?), Kurt and Rachel share a knowing look, realizing that neither of them will get the prize. Sigh.

Well. I was glad for the return of the two delightfully nasty ladies in Will's life, but I'm always annoyed when they focus too much on Quinn. Her breathy, girlish voice does nothing for me, and her entitled whining grates much more than Rachel, the supposedly grating one. I know, I know, she's newly homeless and abandoned, but they chose not to discuss that plot point this week. The most exciting part of the episode was by far when Sue revealed that "Don't Stop Believing" was part of the sectionals set list. I'm really, really hoping for a recap performance.

Dexter - Road Kill, Hungry Man, and Lost Boys or Twistier and Turnier

2009-11-30T21:18:00.014-05:00

So, I've managed to fall three weeks behind Dexter's antics in the span of a week, and while I don't quite understand the physics of that, allow me to quickly recap the goings-on.

Dexter, overwhelmed with remorse for killing the innocent, though obnoxious, fashion photographer, redoubles his efforts to nab Trinity. Conveniently, Arthur is about to embark on another cycle of killings in Tampa, so Dexter decides to tag along. He literally tags along in Arthur's van, in a fit of strangeness, and the bromance ensues. Dex admits that he's broken up about accidentally killing someone (in a hunting accident, he claims) and Trinity opens up about his own past. Turns out he's tangentially responsible for the death of his sister and mother, and completely responsible for his father's murder. After telling all this to Dexter, Dexter is ready to slice him up big time. But, before Dexter can wield his scalpel, Trinity went to the charity home building site (the cover for the trip) and tried to commit suicide by jumping off the unfinished roof. Dexter decides to save him, and is about to let him drop at the last second, when other workers arrive to help. Dexter learns an important lesson about remorse and how it makes us human, killing Trinity will have to wait for another day.

Also, Deb was removed from the growing Trinity case because she's technically a victim, but when the bullet trajectory of her wounds doesn't match up to Trinity's DNA, she's back on the case! Hooray! Also, LaGuerda and Angel are back together, kind of.

So, I've managed to fall three weeks behind Dexter's antics in the span of a week, and while I don't quite understand the physics of that, allow me to quickly recap the goings-on.

Onto Hungry Man! Taking place on Thanksgiving, this episode was a long character study on Trinity and Dexter. After Arthur's son confesses that Trinity abuses him, and begging Dexter to come to Thanksgiving dinner so that he won't hurt him for some perceived slight, Dexter agrees. When he arrives, he finds out that Trinity is a true monster, terrorizing and destroying his family. Unfortunately, Trinity was supposed to be the alternative to such inhuman behavior, and with that bubble punctured, Dexter once again worries that he can't balance his dark passenger with his growing family life and obligations. Also, we find out that Cristine, Quinn's new girl toy is, along with a relentless reporter and Deb's possible shooter, Trinity's daughter! Shock! And LaGuerda and Angel are in love now.

Finally: Lost Boys. Just when we thought Trinity could get no worse, it turns out that his kill cycle is actually 4, not only 3, which makes him...Quadrupley? Anyway, he ritually abducts a 10 year old boy, makes him dress up in cowboy pajamas, calls him Arthur, plays with trains, then poisons him and encases his body in concrete at the charity house building sites. Sneaky. Dexter, tailing him with the intention of finally killing him, stumbles upon the abduction and stalks him to try and save the boy. He enlists the help of Arthur's son, Noah, who knows that something's not right with Daddy.

Speaking of Daddy issues, Cristine's relationship with Trinity is fleshed out, and we find out that she witnessed one of his kills as a child. She realized that it was more than just a bad dream when the same murder took place in the same house 25 years later, and took measures to cover up his crime by shooting Lundy and injuring Deb. Because she's such a good detective, Deb catches on to Cristine's nervousness and that she knows far too much about the crime. After swiping her toothbrush from Quinn's pad, they realize that she's related to Trinity and connect the dots from there.

Dexter succeeds in finding Trinity and his abductee just in time to save him from a concrete grave, but does not manage to secure Trinity. But now that Trinity knows that Dexter "Kyle" knows all about him, it won't be long before the stalker becomes the stalkee.

And on the police front, with Cristine in custody, will she give her father up? She swore that she'd do anything for him, but does that also include taking the fall?

I worried that we'd run out of material after Trinity finished his last kill, but I was sorely mistaken. The evolution of Arthur into the monstrosity he's become is as fascinating as a high-speed car crash and almost as gruesome. It continues to get twistier and turnier, and the season-long theme of family keeps taking darker and darker turns as we learn more about Trinity and his facade of a family.

As we near the end of the season, Dexter's inevitable execution of Trinity runs of the risk of being anticlimactic, since it's what we've been lurching toward for roughly four episodes now. But, I've certainly been wrong before.

Vegas, Baby, Vegas!

2009-11-24T13:51:00.001-05:00

Dear Readers,

I just wanted to let you know that I am about to embark on an epic trip to Vegas for Thanksgiving, and thus will be behind on my (already tardy) postings. I apologize, but promise to get back up to speed as quickly as possible upon my return. Until then, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Happy Thanksgiving!

V - A Bright New Day, or Alien Babies Are Coming!

2009-11-24T13:26:00.003-05:00

This week on V, the Visitors have secured their visas, allowing them to wander free amongst us lowly humans. But little do the vast majority of people know, they've been walking amongst us for years! Drama!

Along with their new diplomatic status, the V's have attracted new haters, and there's been a death threat. Erica, the FBI mom, has been stationed to the New York mothership to keep watch for shifty characters looking to assassinate our new friends.

Erica's also been busy checking out her ill-gotten FBI files on anyone who's called in an alien complaint lately. Father Jack wanders into her house, and does some surveying after Erica leaves to protect the V's. He stumbles upon Georgie, the leader of the warehouse gang, and decides to call Erica on a cell phone to tell her the good news. A cell phone, Jack? Really? After the V's hacked into a pay phone, you're going to pass that sensitive information along via cell phone? Well, some people just aren't made for high-stakes alien espionage.

So, Jack decides to pay Georgie a visit, and as he gets out of the car, we see the time flash in the lower right hand side of the screen, for no apparent reason. I don't really care that it's noon, V, just show me some lizards eating humans! Anyway, Jack finds out that Georgie's family was eaten/taken by V's, which is the source of his malice toward them. Understandable, really.

Meanwhile, Traitor V Ryan is looking to reassemble something called the 5th Column, which I can only assume is a legion of V's that are trying to stop the main V's from eating people. He tries to recruit an old friend, only to be double-crossed AGAIN and held at gunpoint. Turns out his old buddy is a double-agent for the mothership, who have promised to "reconnect" him if he brings back other former rebels. Ryan makes some vague remarks about "bliss" and the dude being a junkie, and Anna controlling everyone. So, apparently, the V's are so orderly because they're all super-high on some drug that Anna concocted. Good to know.

But back to the mothership, possibly under attack by some shooter. We now see that it's 2:40 or something, which I still don't care about. Erica surmises that the shooter took a guard V's jacket, so he could be anyone! But, most likely, it's the dude they're showing in sinister slow-motion. Erica's killer instincts kick in, and she takes him down. But when it comes time to book 'em, Danno, the V's sequester him in a special holding pen where humans are not allowed. Suspicious! Luckily, Erica took this valuable opportunity to spy on the V's and figure out their one passcode to all the secret doors (duh, guys, multiple passcodes when trying to an invade a foreign planet) and sneak into one of the rooms. It's a circular space, filled with screens, and is apparently a torture chamber where V's are subjected to our worst forms of reality TV as punishment. Not really, but it turns out V's monitor everyone through tiny cameras in their V jackets.

While we're here on the mothership, let's check in with Dale, the V sleeper cell, formerly Erica's partner. He's back alive now (Ta-Da!) but has a bad case of the forgetfuls. He can't remember anything about his previous life, including who knocked his fake face off. A handsome doctor with a sweet, flowing coat comes along, promising to help him rediscover his old life. Thanks, Dr. Sweet Coat! By going back into Dale's memory cells (don't ask) he remembers that Erica saw him, and now must die. Duh-duh-duh!

Back on Earth, Tyler, Erica's son, is still all sad about not being able to be a peace ambassador. Luckily, he runs into Lisa, his alien crush, at a pizza parlor, who tells him he's back in the club. Hooray! He then takes her back to his house, and has some sweet makeouts. Unfortunately, Erica comes home in the middle, and Tyler has to hide his newly-recovered V jacket. After being incredibly obvious that he has a girl in his room, Erica bursts in and sees Lisa in her underpants. Hey-o! In some quick alien thinking, Lisa deduced that it would be better for Erica to see her unclothed, than donned in V apparel. What a clever lizard-person she is!

So, this whole time, Anna has been obsessed with a protester who lost her husband in the initial V landing, and is a force for the V-protest movement. Anna decides to meet with her and offer condolences, but we know that these sentiments are false, since we see Anna rehearsing her speech, complete with fake tears, just before meeting the protestor, Mary. Anna accosts her, and asks for her forgiveness and a few moments of her time. A few moments later, Mary is giving a press conference about how we should forgive the V's and that they're our friends, and for peace, always, yadda, yadda, yadda.

It's been theoried that they just killed Mary and used a V with brand-new Mary skin to show the turnaround, but then why would Anna waste her time with the fake condolence and let's be friends talk? Maybe Anna hooked Mary up to the fabled bliss, and got her hooked on the good stuff. We'll see.

Now that Dale knows Erica is about to blow his cover, he's raring to get back to Earth and do some killing. Nuh-uh-uh, Dale, turns out that Dr. Sweet Coat was also a member of the famed 5th Column, and injects Dale with a death syringe, along with the delicious line, "The 5th Column says hello." Oh, yes, it does.

Georgie ends up tracking Jack down to his church and greets him in the typically paranoid fashion of sticking a gun up to the back of his head. Georgie is pretty pessimistic about forming a new resistance like Jack wants to, considering his past with the friendly Visitors. But, Jack convinces him to give it the old college try. Jack, Georgie, Erica, and Ryan all assemble at the church to discuss their new resistance plans.

Back at the mothership, we find out that the would-be V assassin was really just another V! Shock! The whole thing was orchestrated from the beginning! Also, Lisa, fresh from her makeout, comes to Anna with these cryptic lines:

Lisa: Tyler's the one. We should use him.

Anna: You did an excellent job.

Lisa: Thank you, Mother.

WHAT. Okay, so Lisa is actually really her daughter, OR Anna is some sort of queen bee that's really all the other V's mom (and very well preserved, somehow) OR it's a term of endearment among V's to their leader. And what do they want to use Tyler for? I'm thinking it's a human-alien impregnation, to show that the V's really want to be our friends. See? We'll even deign to have sex with you filthy creatures! We're all cool! But then, really, it'll be terrible, and the V's will eat all the humans.

Overall, a lot more happened this week, which is always good. I have the sense that we're building to a few different confrontations, rather than treading water like last week. The Obama parallels have almost all dropped off, but the tense message of the power of charisma is still present. All in all, jolly good, V, jolly good.

Glee - Ballad, or So Many Crushes

2009-11-19T21:19:00.027-05:00

I was really concerned that they weren't going to pull this, but it was inevitable, really. Of course someone was going to develop a massive crush on Shuster. He's irresistible, and if I were 17, hell, if I knew him today, there would be no stopping that attraction.

Anyway, Rachel finally got the memo that Shuster is hot, talented, and HOT while assigned to sing a ballad with him. Mike (who? yeah, I don't know either) is out because of a "spider in the ear" related incident, so Shuster and Rachel have to perform a ballad together to get ready for sectionals in a few weeks. Other pairings for the ballad-off include Mercedes and Puck, Quinn and Kurt, and the two other cheerleaders.

Meanwhile, Quinn is still pregnant, and can no longer fit into her chastity ball dress! The horror! We finally meet Quinn's clueless parents, who are aptly characterized as boozy conservatives, due to some subtle glass clinking sound effects, and the exhortation from Quinn's mom, "Glenn's on!" Pretty clever, there, Glee. To make matters worse, Russ Fabray has decided to invite Finn over for Sunday dinner, where I'm sure everything will be fine and nothing terrible will happen.

So, Rachel is in full on stalker mode, and gives Shuster a blue tie with gold stars on it. "Gold stars are kind of my signature thing," she explains. Oh, Rachel, we all know what your thing is.

But, this isn't the first time this has happened to our boy Shu. Apparently, a few years back, there was the Suzie Pepper incident, where she stalked him, and after being told to back off, ate one of the world's hottest peppers, which burned holes in her esophagus and left her in an induced coma for three days. Not exactly a success story. Thankfully, Emma's back to offer advice! She suggests that Will sing his non-feelings for Rachel, letting her down easy.

Cut to Kurt and Finn, trying to rehearse. Finn is weirded about about singing to a dude, so Kurt suggests he sing out his feeling of frustration about the impending adoption to the crowd, imagining his daughter is out there. We are then treated to a beautiful rendition of "I'll Stand by You" with interspersed shots of Finn singing to a video of a sonogram.

During the big finish, Finn's mom walks in, carrying a basket of laundry. She asks what we're all asking inside: "Are you singing to a sonogram?" The answer is yes. Because she is obviously an more observant parent than Quinn's folks, Finn's mom immediately realizes that Quinn is pregnant. Finn breaks down sobbing in Mommy's arms.

Finn tells Quinn that he spilled the beans, and she freaks out, worried that his mom will tell her parents.

We find out that Kurt has had a long-standing crush on Finn, even though he realizes how foolish it is. Though Kurt realizes that foolishness of his feelings - "I don't know why I find his stupidity so charming. I mean, he's cheating off a girl who thinks the square root of 4 is rainbows" - he can't get over him. He's so delusional that he believes he can turn Finn gay with the right combination of camaraderie and girl bashing. Oh, Kurt, you poor sweet thing. Although, to be fair, a relationship with Quinn would be enough to scare a lot of men away from the ladies forever.

Speaking of poor sweet things, we get a peek into Rachel and Will's ballad rehearsal. Will has composed a mashup of "Young Girl" and "Don't Stand So Close to Me" in the hopes that she'll understand that he's not interested. Poor Rachel doesn't get it, and both Rachel and Emma are sent into paroxysms of joy and lust. Rachel rushes home to compose her own mashup of lovey songs to sing right back at Will.

But, she can't wait until the next day to get her lovin' on, so Rachel shows up at Will's house, cooks him dinner, and cleans the bathroom. Terri puts up with these shenanigans, even encourages them, so that she doesn't have to do housework. Terri! Anyway, Will takes Rachel home, and it's super awkward.

Next, we see Mercedes and Puck attempting to rehearse their ballad. Mercedes reveals that everyone has decided to sing a song to Quinn and Finn to show support during Babygate. Puck freaks out and reveals that he's really the father. To Mercedes! Luckily, he picked the right person to reveal to, as Mercedes brings the tough love advice. She says that impregnating Quinn does not make him the father, and that role will be filled by Finn, because Quinn chose him. So, back off and leave her alone. We'll see if Puck gets the message through his mohawk, which seems pretty likely, judging by the look of sheepish surliness on his face.

Suddenly, it's Sunday dinner time, and the Fabray's are in full on crazy mode. Finn decides to break the tension by singing "You're Having My Baby" to Quinn right in front of her folks. We find out that it was Kurt's idea to serenade her, in the hopes that she would break up with him. Oh, Kurt, you conniving little fashionista! Further hammering home the fact that the Fabray's are the stoutest bottles on the shelf, it takes them at least two verses of the song before they realize that Quinn is knocked up.

Then all hell breaks loose. Because she's such a disappointment to them, the Fabray's disown Quinn and kick her out of the house. What? This really happens to people? Aren't we pretty clear as a society that kicking your children out at their most vulnerable tends not to work in their favor? Well, I guess old Glenn Beck didn't have that message on any of his programs, so the Fabray's didn't get the memo. She's given a half hour to pack, then moves in with Finn and his much more reasonable mom.

Suzie Pepper, Will's old stalker, corners Rachel in a bathroom to tell her to back off Shuster. However, this isn't some old rivalry emerging, but rather, more sound advice from someone who's gone through hell. She says that her and Rachel are not so different, and they both hitched their stars to Will because they know he'll never reciprocate their feelings. They are attracted to unattainable boys, further reinforcing their fear that they'll never be good enough to love. Suzie's advice is to find someone else, and save herself a lot of heartbreak. Not that I ever had an inappropriate crush in high school...but I wish someone had given me this advice at 17. The only beef I have with Suzie's pep talk is that she refers to Rachel as mildly attractive. What?! Rachel is smokin' hot, and I refuse to conform to the narrative of unattractiveness that Glee is perpetuating against Rachel!

Anyhow, Rachel gets the message, and apologizes to Shu for her inappropriateness. Will sits her down, reiterates that they will never have anything more than a student/teacher relationship, but says that there's a boy out there who will love every part of her, including the parts of herself that she wishes she could change. Again, where were these beautiful, uplifting speeches when I was in high school?

We wrap things up this week with a lively rendition of "Lean on Me" from the glee clubbers to Quinn and Finn. So, the message is that, even though Quinn is effectively a homeless orphan, it'll be okay, because her high school buddies still like her. Hooray!

I shouldn't be so callous, but really, what is Quinn going to do? She's about to have astronomical medical bills, a terrible emotional upheaval (if she does give the baby up for adoption) and no income. Glee is about to take a dark turn if things continue in this direction. I'm hoping that Mrs. Fabray (the less crazy one) grows a brain and takes Quinn back in. With any luck, she'll also divorce that neanderthal, Russ Fabray. But until then, we'll always have the music.

The Office - Murder, or The Diversion

2009-11-19T21:05:00.004-05:00

Diversion is the name of the game this week, and with the King of Diversion himself, Michael Scott, at the helm, it's going to be a bumpy ride (yeah, I just mixed my metaphors, get over yourself, nerd).

So, there's a nasty rumor going around the Wall Street Journal that Dunder Mifflin is about to go bankrupt. After a not at all reassuring email from David Wallace, people are freaking out. Instead of allaying their fears and telling them all to get back to the grindstone, Michael pulls out his Murder Mystery game, and they all don costumes and terrible Southern accents to figure out who killed the wealthy Southern gentleman.

At first, everyone is dismayed. They want to stay clued to their computer screens, refreshing incessantly for any update. Of course, Dwight gets right into it, but the others take some more coercing. Oscar, sweet rational Oscar, interrupts their fun when he reveals that he's been directed to suspend all payments to their clients. It's a bad sign. There's more freaking out.

Jim, predictably, has been pretty miffed about Michael's reaction to the crisis, and wants to get back to work. Michael, however, will only respond to his character's name and really, really wants to know who the killer is.

Faced with the prospect that they could all be fired never see each other again, Andy screws up the courage to ask Erin out on a date. However, he foolishly does so as his game character, and she responds in kind. The problem is that Erin is portraying Naughty Nelly, the town trollop, who will go out with any and every one. Andy worries that he asked Nelly out, and not Erin. When he confronts her about it, she demurs, giving a non answer. He takes this as a rejection, and says it was only part of the game. Of course, they both wanted to go out, but now they won't, because they're both foolish.

Finally, Jim confronts Michael in his office, and Michael explodes that they all need to have fun, get their mind off the impending disaster, and keep morale up. It's a surprisingly valid argument, though Jim remains unconvinced.

David Wallace makes a personal call to the office, and because Michael (as Caleb, his character) refuses to take the call, Jim takes it. Things are looking bleak for Dunder Mifflin, David confides. Jim returns to the conference room, the scene of the game, looking grim. When asked what happened, he pauses, then slowly raises his head to declare, in his best Savannah accent, "There's been another murder." So, now everyone's in on the game, and they all have a a great rest of the day that concludes in a four way fake gun battle among Michael, Dwight, Andy, and Pam. They resolve their differences by having an epic shootout, complete with sound effects and the miming of spewing blood.

So, the question we're all left with is, what's going to happen? They can't really bankrupt Dunder Mifflin and expect the show to continue, so I doubt that's the play. But are they about to undergo a new corporate restructuring, complete with new staff assignments and consolidations? Could it mean the return of Holly, Michael's lost love? We'll see, and this week's episode was a great teaser into what comes next. The Murder Mystery plot was okay, but mainly a vehicle for other character development. Michael actually seemed to be helping, rather than unintentionally destroying, lives, so I suppose I can get behind it.

For the record though, if a real murder goes down, I definitely want Dwight on the side of the law. Man, can he recreate a crime scene!

30 Rock - The Problem Solvers, or A Little Help From the Audience

2009-11-19T20:41:00.006-05:00

I wish there was an awesome word for a deep bond between a man and a woman that is in no way sexual. Because that's what this episode is all about.

We start out with the introduction of Jack Baker, the new cast member. After deciding that, not unlike the Highlander, there can only be one Jack, the original Jack renames him. So, his new name is Danny Baker. Turns out Danny is incredibly nice (and Canadian!) and has some acting experience. His one problem is that he refuses to let Kenneth help him with anything. This freaks Kenneth out to no end, causing him to talk backwards. Apparently, Jack/Danny used to be a personal assistant, and hated the way they were harassed and harangued about the actor's every whim. He assumes that Kenneth feels the same. Oh, Jack/Danny, you have so much to learn.

Jack and Liz have an intimate dinner, and Jack reveals that he wants to produce a talk show with Liz after Dealbreakers has risen to prominence. Liz tells Jenna and Tracy the good news, and they advise her to check out her options with other agents and production companies, rather than commit to Jack just because they have a personal relationship. Surprisingly, this is legitimate advice, so Jenna and Tracy decide to take their problem solving on the road, under the guise of...the Problem Solvers!

They find out that Kenneth is upset that Jack/Danny won't let him do any of his errands, so they agree to talk to Jack/Danny for him. Jack/Danny tells them his story about being a personal assistant and they immediately flash back to all the times they mistreated underlings. So now NO ONE will take any help from Kenneth, and he is distraught!

Meanwhile, Liz breaks the news to Jack that she wants to shop around for a TV deal. He's upset, and the two begin a standoff of epic proportions. She threatens to go with a different production company, and he threatens to steal the rights of the show (since it originally aired on NBC, thus making it property of Sheinhart Wig Company). They do nasty things to each other, a 12 year old (not really, but kinda) agent is introduced, and Padma Lakshmi makes a cameo. At the end, they realize that they want to do business together, not with anyone else. There's an iconic shot of them running across Rockefeller Square toward each other, and the camera spins as they profess their undying mutual respect.

To wrap things up, Kenneth confronts Jack/Danny about being too nice, and tricks him into blowing up at Kenneth, revealing his true actorly persuasions and also conveniently getting rid of his Canadian accent. Kenneth implores Jenna and Tracy to do the same, and everything is officially back to normal.

All in all, a good episode. I am super excited about the new cast member, Jack/Danny, and hope he continues to be endearing and a little goofy. I can't wait for the development of the Dealbreakers talk show, and was glad that Liz and Jack got some time to develop their relationship and generally have great chemistry. But I still have a problem: what catchy phrase can we use to describe their relationship? I am at a loss, so I leave it up to you, my readers. Please post your ideas for a deeply platonic male/female friendship. Who knows - the next bromance may be born right here on this blog. Post away!

House - Known Unknown, or Liar, Liar

2009-11-17T21:01:00.017-05:00

This week, the lucky patient that gets to be treated by House is introduced via every teenage girl's dream. She's standing in line for a sweet party that will be attended by her favorite band, when the band in question comes walking by. The lead singer chooses her and a friend to get past the velvet rope, and they have a magical night of playing Rock Band, fence jumping, skinny dipping, and being serenaded. While retelling all this magic to her uber-jealous friends the next morning, however, the lucky girl becomes not quite so fortunate, as all her joints swell to elephantine size and she collapses.

House is convinced the diagnosis is something called Rabdo, which also sounds like an awesome new Swedish band. Anyway, he wants to close the case quickly and jump town, since he has two tickets to the National Pillow Fighting Championship - a valid desire. But, after some tests, it's revealed that the girl couldn't have done all the things she described (jumping a fence, playing rock band, swimming) because she's experiencing temporary muscle paralysis due to potassium depletion. So, now we have a double mystery: why is she sick, and what did she really do that night?? Oh, the excitement!

Turns out that the girl didn't really care about the emo band after all, but found out that the creator of a super sweet comic and sci fi series (fake Joss Whedon, let's be clear) would be at the party. She couldn't tell her friends this because they wouldn't understand her passion. So, she followed fake-Joss around all night, and ate at the same restaurant he did, having the exact same meal. They postulate that, since no one else that ate the food got sick, she might have bulimia.

Meanwhile, House has jumped town, though not to the Pillowfight Championships (darn). He accompanied Wilson to a medical conference after he found out that Cuddy was also going. Apparently, he has full-fledged plans to woo her now, rather than just sexually harass her constantly.

Cameron and Foreman do the test to determine if the secret sci-fi nerd has bulimia (you can do that, apparently?) and find out that she, does not, in fact, suffer from an eating disorder. Cameron bothers Foreman about if Chase is having an affair, because he's been so distant, yada, yada, yada. Whatever. I am so tired of the "I killed a genocidal maniac and now I am sad" storyline. Man up, Chase.

So, they still don't know what's wrong with the Whedonite, and during their next round of interviews, to determine what exactly happened, she starts making shit up and bleeding from her ears. Not a great sign.

For some reasons, the writers then decided to take a break from this exciting scene and cut to an 80's party at the medical conference. House and Cuddy do the classic thing where they go out to the dance floor in the middle of a fast song, but it immediately changes to a slow dance when they reach the middle of the floor. Uh-oh! So, they slow dance and we find out that Cuddy and House actually had a one-night stand in med school (!) and House never called. We expect his ladykilling ways to be the culprit, but it turns out he really was going to call, but received a call of a very different nature that very morning, informing him that he'd been expelled and should pack up his bags. Downer.

Cameron and Chase are still on the sleuthing trail trying to figure out what super fan did to get so sick, and finally figure out that she came up to fake-Whedon's room on the pretense of returning his journal after sntaching it. First, they think that he drugged her with rufies and slept with her, and he is understandably upset at the allegation. Foreman is able to rule out rufies. They do some sort of lie detecting test, and ask her again what the hell happened. She lies, again, saying that fake-Whedon drugged and raped her. But it's okay, because it's a lie! But seriously, WHAT HAPPENED.

Back in conference land, in addition to House mooning over Cuddy, we find out that the paper Wilson is about to present basically advocates for physician-assisted suicide in cases of advanced cancer. House freaks out, in an uncharacteristically selfless way, because he knows it will ruin Wilson's career. After Wilson doesn't take his advice to not give the presentation, House slips Wilson rufies. He then goes to Cuddy's room, offering to babysit her child (who seems to have aged about two years in the space of three months) but there's another man there! Who's apparently named Lucas! And I gathered there's some sort of history there, but having not watched the show since its inception, I can't really say.

House's next step is to give Wilson's paper in his absence, pretending that he wrote it, so that the blame will fall to him. Actually, at the end, it's a hit, and everyone praised the courage of Dr. Perlmutter (House's assumed name for the conference). While Wilson is arguing with House about the audacity of stealing his paper, House magically solves the case of the Whedonite. It was hemochromatosis, in case you were wondering. She'll be fine, and will stop her pathological lying.

With all that business taken care of, we get a few personal vignettes with our favorite doctors. Turns out that Cuddy's been dating Lucas (who's a detective, I guess?) for awhile, and kept it secret from House. He was sad. Chase finally admitted to killing the dictator, and fade to black.

Okay, House, let's talk. You're a procedural medical drama that rises above because your characters are interesting and support the mysteries. BUT, when the interpersonal drama and stoylines start to take away from the sweet medical junk you do, you give it to the soapiness of other treacle like Grey's Anatomy. I want an interesting case, a few false diagnoses, sarcasm, tension, and finally, sweet resolution. Anything more, and you start to lose me. Please get back to your roots and entertain/scary me with rare diseases. Thank you.

V - There is No Normal Anymore, or There is No Plot Anymore

2009-11-14T23:24:00.018-05:00

Things ground to a resounding halt this week on V, which it's difficult to get away with on a mini-series. I want to see some human eating, people!

We started up right where we left off last time, in the aftermath of the warehouse massacre. FBI mom (Erica, as she's apparently called) makes a frantic 911 phone cal to get some backup, but it's mysteriously intercepted by the V's, who sent another one of their terrible, explosion balls to take care of the lingering witnesses. Erica outsmarts it, though, by bashing it with a piece of wood. Hooray!

Erica and Jack (the young priest) then decide to trust no one and secretly go about their resistance movement. All that goes down the tubes when another FBI agent comes to Jack's church interviewing him about the man who passed on his V intel before biting the dust. He hedges, not giving any info, then feels bad and goes to the police station to spill the beans. There, he meets Erica, and they have a cute little scene of, "You're a priest?!" Dang, Erica was definitely looking for a love interest, but that's not happening, honey.

They furtively whisper at each other about the various merits of telling what he knows, versus not, with Erica's point of view being, "But anyone could be a V! ANYONE." And Jack was all like, "But we have to help!" Meh.

Meanwhile, we catch up with Ryan, the traitor V, and his scene of continuing domestic bliss. Her fiance, a therapist, makes a particularly crude comment about the invasion being good for business, but Ryan still wants to marry her ass. He has to explain the gaping wound on his forearm, and goes with "scraped it on a filing cabinet". She buys it, which furthers my theory that she may not be the brightest bulb on this series. Anyway, Ryan goes to a mechanic buddy by the name of Angelo who is also a V traitor, and, conveniently, a V doctor. We see some cool CGI of Ryan's arm magically healing itself before our eyes, but then, it appears that Angelo has injected Ryan with no only medicine, but black out drugs! Oh, no! So, we then think that Angelo is a double-agent, secretly loyal to the V's, but it turns out he just can't trust anyone, including Ryan. He's a triple Maverick!

Erica has been called into the office to investigate the disappearance of Dale, her partner, and Erica plays it cool, being all like, "I don't know where he is. Certainly not dead on the floor of a warehouse with a gaping head wound of my own infliction." The investigators, however, are suspicious, and think that Erica isn't being honest with them. We recap pretty much everything that happened in the past episode, before Erica makes the quick cover that Dale was actually working with the terrorists, so she couldn't trust him, and that's why their case files aren't lining up. Sure, Erica. She convinces them that Dale won't be showing up for a long time, and they seem to buy this particular load. Too bad, though, because at the end of the episode, we see that Dale has been resurrected on the mothership, surely bent on revenge.

Erica's son, Tyler, has been living the peace ambassador high life with Lisa, the hot alien. That abruptly comes to a stop when Tyler punches a protester (who totally started it!), then getting banned from the ambassadors. Tyler definitely wasn't "for peace, always" when he straight up cold-cocked that sucker. So, now he's sad.

The framing of the episode (maybe I should have gotten to this earlier? or they should have made it more interesting?) is that the V's are in the process of gaining diplomatic relationships with all major countries in the world. They've already successfully conned Japan and Mexico, but are really hoping for Russia, China, and the US. The State Department is deliberating, and Anna is pissed at Fountain of Youth Scott Wolf for not doing more to plug the V's to the viewers. Well, Scott Wolf makes some claims about how he can't control the government, but he can control public opinion, which he's happy to do if the V's play nice. It's unclear. Anyway, the State Department grant the V's diplomatic access to the US.

So, we get to the end of the episode, and nothing has really happened. We don't know what the V's plans on, there's no resistance forming, and we don't know who else is secretly a V. Although I do have my theories: mostly, the older priest (he's way too pro-V) and the FBI agent investigating the murder at Jack's church (mostly because she played a double agent on BSG). The one thing we did learn this episode is that the producers definitely signed a product placement agreement with iPhone. Those frickin' things were everywhere, and served little purpose. For example: do we need a closeup and a showcase of the iPhone's easy-to-use camera feature just to get a shot of hot alien Lisa? Plus, the picture that they show of her in no way resembles the face she was making when the camera went click. Is that an iPhone app? Take magical pictures with different expressions than the person you're photographing has? That would actually be kind of cool.

But other than that, very little. True, they did tamp down the Obama metaphors, but I'll take those coupled with sweet alien action, rather than a politically neutral bore fest. My descriptions of the pilot enticed someone to watch the second episode (I'm that good) but this episode made me look like a fool for my initial recommendation! Can't be doing that, V! Step your game up! My recommendation: Ryan's idiot fiance finds out he's a V, we see a serious rebellion, and above all, aliens eating humans! Use that immense budget on something cooler than holographic pictures of Anna changing clothes, for God's sakes!

Glee - Wheels, or Skirting the Line

2009-11-12T19:51:00.023-05:00

So, full disclosure - I was so excited about the return of Glee this week that I pumped myself up by listening to recordings on YouTube during work (don't judge me). However, I accidentally stumbled upon this week's "Dancing with Myself" and "Defying Gravity" covers. Now, the question is: with the thrill of the musical numbers already experienced (only auditorially, not visually) will the show still stand up to its former glory?

This week, Quinn's still off the team, and starting to fret about medical bills for her impending bundle of joy. Instead of, oh, I don't know, telling her parents so she can jump on the family insurance bandwagon, she harps at Finn to get a job so he can pay for all her new maternity clothes. I'm starting to get a whiff of Terri in Quinn's demeanor, and the shrillness does not look good on her.

Meanwhile, Will wants the kids to travel to a tournament in another town, but there's no money for a special bus equipped for the mobility impaired (i.e. Artie). Not wanting to split up the team, he'll have to find his own way to finance the trip, without the school's help. I don't mean to be nit-picky, but I feel like there's a law somewhere that says public schools have to be equally accessible to all people with disabilities. Oh, that's right, it's the Americans with Disabilities Act. Oh, well. Carry on.

So, Will pitches the idea of a bake sale to raise money, and the glee clubbers balk. They say that Artie won't mind riding alone with his Dad. Artie agrees, then sings a sad rendition of "Dancing with Myself". Okay, so the test arrives! The version, while smooth and jazzy, isn't all that exciting on its own - unlike other Glee classics like "Don't Stop Believin'" and "Somebody to Love". But what really made it work was the wonderful montage of loneliness and sweet wheelchair dancing that accompanied it. Glee, you have passed your first test.

Turns out that Artie is miffed about being left out, and Will goes to bat for him, saying that not only will they do a bake sale to raise money, each member of the club will spend three hours a day in a wheelchair, and the number they perform will be wheelchair based. I feel like the punishment does not fit the crime here, Shuster, but I'll roll with it (see what I did there?)

Puck gives Quinn $18, after overhearing that she needs money. For some reason, they start a weird baking food fight (since Quinn was baking cupcakes for the bake sale) and almost kiss. Then, Finn walks in and, for once, has a glimmer of suspicion that maybe, just maybe, the bun in that particular oven is not of his own stirring.

Kurt has a heart to heart with his Dad about how much he wants to sing "Defying Gravity" for sectionals, but Will won't even let him try out, because it's a female part. Kurt's Dad goes to the principal, complains about discrimination (take a hint, Artie's parents!) and convinces Will to hold fair tryouts for the part, with all the rest of the glee club voting on the best performance. Rachel raises hell because she thinks it's just going to be a popularity contest, not a fair judge of talent. Kurt makes everyone promise to vote sincerely for the best performance, and it's on!

The principal, so inspired by Will's dedication to accessibility in the school with the wheelchair stunt, has decided that Sue must hold open auditions to fill Quinn's spot in the Cheerios. She relents, and we see a melange of uncoordinated students try their luck. The last auditioner, Becky Jackson, has Down's Syndrome, and is also quite uncoordinated. However, Sue decides that she's on the team.

What? We know she's up to something, because the "I'm up to something!" a capella plays in the background, but I'm really concerned about where this is going. There's a point where it's okay to make fun of things, and Glee, you were really skirting the line with the mobility impaired and gender discrimination. Throwing in intellectual disabilities, I fear it's too much. I find myself cringing at the next scene, and unless you deliver a big-hearted, we're all okay message at the end of this, it will just be too bitter to swallow.

ANYWAY, Rachel is nervous about the diva-off, Kurt's Dad has second thoughts about being "Super Supportive Dad" after he gets an anonymous phone call calling his son the f-word, and Quinn threatens to break up with Finn if he doesn't get a job. Dude, seems like an easy call to me - you don't have to get a job, and you get Quinn off your back. But, he doesn't see it that way. With Rachel's help, he concocts a nefarious plan to bring in the bucks.

Speaking of nefarious plans, Puck has his own way of bringing in the dollars. He fills the glee club cupcakes with marijuana, so people are buying them by the fistful. Also way up on the nefarious scale, we check in with Sue, who is running poor Becky into the ground with drills and exclamations that she's terrible. Will runs in, horrified, but Sue protests that she only wants to treat Becky like everyone else, not easier, just because she has a disability. Will isn't convinced that her motives are that pure, and neither am I.

Puck tries to give Quinn his ill-gotten funds from the marijuana bake sale, but she protests. Puck goes on and on about how they could be a family, and he has ambition, and everything will be great, but Quinn says the argument pretty much breaks down when you see that Puck stole from a friend in a wheelchair. Sorry, Puck.

The results of Rachel's treacherous plan come through, and Quinn got a job! He pretended to be in a wheelchair, and Rachel threatened to sue the restaurant for discrimination if they didn't hire him. So, now he has checks to dutifully hand over to Quinn, and has to keep up the charade of being bound to a wheelchair as long as he works there. Well, this is a win-win for everybody? Maybe?

Now, with the money to rent the special bus for Artie in hand, everything seems right with the world. But, Artie selflessly gives up the money, agreeing to ride with his dad to sectionals, so they can install a wheelchair ramp in the auditorium. BUT, wonder of wonders, it turns out that Sue Sylvester just wrote a check for three, count 'em, three, wheelchair ramps for the school! So, they get to have ramps and all ride together to sectionals! The only person not totally excited about this prospect is Will, who's still convinced that Sue is about to unleash something terrible.

But then, as I hoped, we have a beautiful, touching moment, when we learn that Sue's older sister, whom she visits religiously at her assisted living facility, has Down's syndrome. Sue read her sister Little Red Riding Hood, and I teared up. Oh, Glee!

As if things couldn't get better, we cut to an adorable scene between Tina and Artie on their first date. It turns out that Artie has been pining for Tina for awhile now, and after recovering from the epic fail line of "...but I still have full use of my penis," Artie convinced Tina to go out with her. They kiss, and it's awesome.

Then, Tina drops the bomb. She doesn't really have a stutter! WHAT. She drops some bullshit about not wanting to give a speech in 6th grade, so she faked it, and just kept it up until now, but New Directions made her want to experience life to the fullest, blah, blah, blah, whatever. TINA! You were so cool, with your blue highlights, and now you're just a poser! Artie has the same reaction, and is all like, "Peace!" Relationship over.

But back to the diva-off. Rachel sang like an angel, of course, and Kurt was okay. Mostly, he just has a brassy sound that I can't get over, and the whole thing sounded so force I felt pity for his vocal chords. When it came to the high F, the centerpiece of the song, Kurt totally blew it, and they gave the part to Rachel. Womp, womp. But then we find out that Kurt intentionally threw the try-out so that his father wouldn't have to put up with more harassing phone calls about his son's sexual orientation. Heart-warming, but also sad for poor Kurt. When is his moment to shine?

The big finale is a rendition of "Rollin' on the River", performed entirely in wheelchairs. Subtle? No. Great choreography? Yes.

So, overall, Glee played a pretty tricky game, and tackled a ton of discriminatory topics. Were they successful? Well, Artie got some ramps, and people understand him better, but poor Becky is still getting her ass kicked on the Cheerios. We find out Tina really doesn't have a stutter, though that isn't really in the discrimination category, but a revelation. Finn narrowly escaped a Quinn breakup by exploiting laws designed to help people with actual disadvantages. A lot of mixed messages here, and the episode felt a little like it was treading water. None of the plots really advanced, but it was a pleasurable interlude, and it was good to give Artie some serious face time. He sure can sing, and man, can he wheel that chair.

I'm hoping that next week we'll get back to the interpersonal drama, and have some real consequences. Until then, I'll keep replaying the Glee standards in anticipation.

Dexter - Slack Tide, or Ruh-Roh!

2009-11-11T14:26:00.012-05:00

This week, Dexter and Trinity become super best friends, with the hope that Dexter will learn important serial killer/life skills. Then, of course, he will kill him, but not until he's mined Trinity for all the information he can!

It's Deb's first official day back at work, and they're investigating the murder of a young Nicaraguan woman. The twist is that they were tipped off to the homicide after discovering her arm in the belly of an alligator. Turns out the main suspect is a twisted fashion photographer who might have a violent past. After sexually harassing Deb, he jumps to the top of the list of Dexter's next victims.

Dexter and Trinity have some man time, going out into the woods at 6:30 AM. When Trinity offers Dex his choice of weapons - chainsaw, ax, saw, or pickax, Dexter is convinced that only one of them will make it out of the encounter alive. But surprise! They're just going to cut down a tree together. Whew. After Dexter successfully starts the chainsaw when Trinity tries and tries but can't do it, Trinity gets unnecessarily snippy and weird.

On the way back into the city, Trinity accidentally hits a deer on the road. Dexter insists that Trinity put it out of its misery, but he refuses, getting sick and nervous at the thought of killing the deer. So, Dexter takes the ax, and kills the deer. I believe what we're supposed to gather from this scene that, unlike Dexter, Trinity's killing stem from an altered psychological state, not a constant way of hardness and insensitivity, like Dexter. Does this make him better or worse? Will it help or harm Dexter's efforts to both learn from the most successfully serial killer in recent history, or harm them? We'll see!

Dex investigates the creepy fashion photographer, and of course, it turns out he's killed a bunch of beautiful South and Central American girls who were in the US illegally. Bring on the killing!

Dexter tries to go over the photographer by ambushing him outside a swanky club, but freaking Quinn is there too! Turns out Quinn has a bug up his butt about Dexter ever since he found that Dexter knows Quinn stole money from a crime scene. Quinn is also pressuring Deb to sit for an interview with his reporter girlfriend, something that Dex is adamantly opposed to. Quinn seems to think that Dexter has secrets, so is trying to figure them out to have something to match Dexter's knowledge about him. Oh Quinn, this is not a road you don't want to go down. Don't you remember Sergeant Doakes? You don't want to end up fried in a cabin, and that's where you're headed if you don't back it down.

So, Dexter has to delay the killing and instead, take Cody on an overnight boating trip with the Young Sailor's Club (adorable!). They tell scary stories around the fire, and despite protestations that he doesn't know any scary stories (yeah, right), Dexter starts telling the story of the Trinity killer, before he's interrupted by a fellow chaperone and all the kids go to bed. BUT, after everyone is tucked in night and snug, Dexter sneaks to the photographer's in a second attempt to kill him. This time: success! Although the photographer makes the requisite pleas of innocence, Dexter knows better, and takes care of him.

PLOT TWIST - after getting to the station, we see that the photographer's assistant has been taken in for the murder of the girls. It turns out they have DNA evidence, security camera footage, the works. Ruh-roh. Looks like Dex just killed an innocent man! This is certainly a new situation for our hero - what will he do? How will he handle such a blow to his method?

Stay tuned!

Mad Men - Shut the Door. Have a Seat. or Really?

2009-11-09T20:32:00.024-05:00

Big things are afoot at Sterling Cooper PPL! Connie (making a triumphant return) tells Don that his company is being sold to McCann, which will mean that Connie will have to take his business elsewhere, as McCann represents another hotel chain. Don pitches a fit and blames Connie for stringing him along. Connie replies, "You know, I got everything I have on my own. It's made me immune to those who complain and cry because they can't." I'm not sure if that line was intended to be hilarious, but oh Connie, if you only knew how your legacy would end up.

Anyhow, Don has an inspiring flashback about how his father selfishly refused to help out his cooperative when the wheat price was too low, and this made him decide to storm into Cooper's office with the wacky scheme that they buy back Sterling Coop from PPL. Now, maybe it's just because I've been doing LSAT prep, but that logic seems pretty far-stretched. So, Old Man Whitman was a jackass and screwed his buddies, so you're going to save the company from corporate death? I'm...just going to hope this is explained later.

At first, Bert balks at the idea of taking back what is rightfully theirs, but then comes around with a pretty sound business plan of securing their major accounts. The obstacle: Roger Sterling. American Tobacco, their biggest client, is all in the hands of Roger, so they have to convince him to join their rebel club.

Predictably, Roger doesn't care where he works, and doesn't want to sacrifice his easily-earned fortune buying back the company. He forces Don to apologize, say how much they need Roger, yadda, yadda. After some coercing, Roger agrees.

They sit our friend Lane down, "Shut the door. Have a seat." And announce their plans to buy back Sterling Coop. The problem is that the price has risen too sharply, and their offer isn't high enough. McCann offered a better deal, so they're out of luck.

Speaking of out of luck, Betty announces that she's going to see a divorce lawyer, and suggests Don do the same. Don makes some vague pleas about not breaking up the family, to which Betty replies, "I'm not the one who broke up this family!" Oooh, sick burn.

In the lawyer's office, we see once again how arduous the divorce process is in New York. The lawyer suggests that Betty go to Reno, establish residency in six weeks (six weeks!) and do the divorce there. Don doesn't even have to go, he just has to consent. The lawyer then asks about a settlement, and Henry immediately jumps in. "I don't want you to owe him anything," he says, and promises to provide for both Betty and the kids.

Let's reiterate: a man who has spent a total of 45 minutes with Betty, tops, doesn't want her to get a settlement from her husband, promises to take care of children he has never met, and says he wants to get this done "as quickly as possible"? Really? I mean, really?

We then get to see another glimpse into Dick Whitman's past. In the aftermath of his decision to stockpile the wheat and wait for prices to raise, Mrs. Whitman puts the smackdown on that idea, and tells him he has to sell so they won't lose their house. Old Man Whitman goes out to the stable, drunk as a skunk, with Dick in tow. A thunderclap rings through the sky, the horse bucks, and Old Man Whitman finds himself flat on the ground, gushing blood.

So, the lesson is: if you first try to screw your friends, then renege because your wife tells you to, you'll die? Help me out here, Mad Men, I'm trying to work with you.

In the wake of this potent recollection, Don hatches up a new scheme. He'll get Lane to fire Cooper, Sterling, and himself, since he has complete authority over hiring and firing, in order to release them from their contracts. In return, they'll make him a partner, and even consider putting his name on the door. Apparently Cooper isn't the only vain one, as Lane agrees. They need to assemble as many accounts as possible and a skeleton crew to ensure continuity of services. Oh, and they have to steal a bunch of office equipment.

Don immediately starts to prioritize his staff, first asking for the whereabouts of Pete Campbell (he's out sick) then yelling for Peggy to join him in his office. First off - really? Pete Campbell? The dude who tried to blackmail you and is an asslicking, ineffective ninny? Really, Don?

Anyway, his second choice, Peggy, also ends up disappointing. After assuming that she'll follow him, Peggy stands up for herself, saying that won't follow Don around like a nervous poodle, and doesn't want to make a career out of standing in his shadow, being blamed for his mistakes and getting none of the credit for her work. Good for you, Peggy! Make Don give you a much better offer, or take advantage of Duck's generous offer (not that one, you guys. Sheesh. Bunch of dirty minds around here.)

So, it turns out that Pete isn't really sick, but having interviews at rival firms, after deciding to leave Sterling Coop when he didn't get the promotion. Don and Roger make a house call, and ask Pete to join the new company. In the course of the conversation, it becomes clear that Don and Roger are using Pete for his accounts, since they need way more money to make this thing work. They give him some bullshit about him being forward looking. Pete agrees. Whew. For a second there, I thought Don actually like Pete. Carry on.

Over drinks at the bar, Don drops the bomb that he's getting a divorce. "So it's true?" Roger replies. Don has no idea what he's talking about. Oooh, Roger, really? Yikes. Apparently, Roger heard about Betty and Henry from Margaret, who heard it from Henry's daughter. It's serious, Roger says.

So, in a great decision, Don decides to go home and rough Betty up a bit, call her a whore, you know, the usual, mature things you do when you realize you're not the only cheater in the relationship. Dammit, Don, don't be like that. Sure, Betty's a brat, just like you said, but your past as a hick who changed his name has nothing to do with this. You cheated and you lied for years, and don't make this about Betty. Harrumph.

Back to Sterling Coop, they hold a secret meeting to steal all the files, and ask Harry Crane to be the new head of media. He doesn't really answer, which I assume means yes. Now, down to the nitty gritty - where are the time sheets? Where are the account books? No one has any idea. No one knows how the office works. But you know who does? Yeah, that's right, Joan Holloway Harris!

But there's one important member of this gang missing from the festivities: Don. Turns out he's at home having the worst "We're getting a divorce" conservation with his kids in history. Betty says he's moving out, Don says it's temporary, Betty says no it's not, the kids are understandably confused. But you'll get to have two Christmases, guys! They only want one Christmas. Sally is convinced that it's all Betty's fault (typical) and Bobby is confused (also typical). Everyone is sad. Guys, you really should have had a better game plan going into this, and not contradicted each other in front of the little 'uns. Man, you two suck at divorce.

Don runs straight from that shit show over to Peggy's digs, and begs her to join the new company. He doesn't think he can do it without her, he sees her as an extension of himself, you know, all the nice things he should be saying to his wife right about now if he wants to save their marriage. But, it works on Peggy, and she joins the team.

Everyone assembles at Sterling Coop: Bert, Roger, Harry, Pete, Lane, Don, Peggy, and Joan. Can you say dream team? After they find out the art department is closed, Don literally kicks it down, and the move out begins.

They relocate to the Pierre Hotel, under the new mast head Sterling Cooper Draper Price. It's quite a mouth full, but the bustling, excited energy in the room bristles with possibility.

Don makes a call to Betty, reneging on his earlier, ghastly behavior, and says he won't fight her. They have a poignant goodbye, and Betty takes off for Reno.

The final shot of the season is Don moving into his new, furnished apartment in the city.

Excitement! The fourth season is set for more intra-office drama, rather than the familiar and personal storylines that dominated the second and third seasons. And while those were great, the core of Mad Men is certainly the office shenanigans. I predict that Kinsey and Ken will try to join the new agency, and Joan and Roger will reignite their romance. I'm concerned, though, that the goodbye Don gave to Betty will also be the last we see of her. Are Betty and Henry preparing to fly off in the sunset, only to be seen in tense encounters of visitation rights? I'm not afraid to say I'll miss her, and I'm very curious to know what happens between her and Henry.

Until next summer, when we see what our good friends at SCDP are up to!

V - Pilot, or Reinforcing the Birthers (not a good thing)

2009-11-08T12:05:00.018-05:00

After all the ballyhoo about the upcoming remake of V, I thought I'd take a gander at the first episode. Most media criticism has focused on the parallels between V and the fervor surrounding the Obama campaign, so I won't repeat all that here. Is V just an extended mockery of the Obama administration? Hard to tell what the rest of the series will show, but so far, yeah, pretty much.

The show starts with a black screen and white writing. "Where were you when JFK was assassinated?" it first asks. Then, a more modern question: "Where were you on 9/11?" Okay, I see where you're going with this, V. The final question is: "Where were you this morning?" By juxtaposing two terrible events in American history with this new phenomenon clearly shows that the alien visitation will not be a happy, fun event to be cherished by the generations, but rather, on par with the JFK assassination and 9/11. Not an auspicious beginning.

We follow three sets of New Yorkers on the morning of the invasion: a FBI agent and her son, a well-to-do couple on the cusp of engagement, and two Catholic priests. They're all going about their normal business, when suddenly a huge alien spaceship comes barreling over the skyscrapers of New York. We learn through live newscasts that mothershipes have parked over 28 other major world cities. In the midst of widespread hysteria, the mothership morphs into a giant TV screen, and the face of a smoking hot lady appears. She calls herself Anna and she's the leader of her people. They've traveled the cosmos and are overjoyed to find another intelligent life in the universe. They need water and another mineral of which Earth has an abundant supply. In exchange, they're happy to give some sweet technology to Earthlings, and be on their way. At the end of the message, people from all corners of the earth start clapping.

Now, if you've been living under a rock without an internet connection, stop reading here - I'm about to make a big reveal. The mineral that the Visitors want (get it - Visitors - V) is PEOPLE. They're really terrible lizard creatures that have come to Earth to eat humans.

Anyway, we don't know this yet, and a media frenzy erupts over the V's, as the cool kids call them. They promise cures to diseases, anti-gravity technology, the spreading of hope, and above all, peace. Everyone gets into it, especially the teens, who become cultural ambassadors to the V culture, spending time on motherships with the intent that they will spread the message of hope to their friends (I'm not kidding). The media gets involved as well, and Anna gives an interview to a still surprisingly young looking Scott Wolf, on the condition that he ask her no questions that will paint the V's in a negative light.

So, yeah, not exactly subtle. You got young people all in a tizzy and the media drooling all over themselves. The only skeptics so far are the FBI Mom and a young Catholic priest, who worries that admiration of the V's might turn into worship, or even worse, devotion! Personally, I always thought false worship was worse than devotion, but whatever. His older mentor tells him not worry, since the pews have been filled to capacity ever since the V's arrival, but then an old man appears in the church, with a fatal wound and an envelope filled with "proof" that the aliens are here to destroy us.

Meanwhile, the male half of the well-to-do couples starts getting calls from a mysterious man from his past who wants to involve him in some sort of special club devoted to getting rid of the V's because they know they're out to destroy the world. The young man says that he's moved past that, and he's not into that conspiracy stuff anymore. Birthers, anyone?

Throughout this business, the FBI mom has been investigating a strange spike in terrorist cell chatter that began right when the V's landed. Her theory is that terrorists are plotting an attack on New York while everyone is distracted by the V's. This is an interesting take on what would happen if aliens invaded, as the reigning theory (as promoted by none other than the conservative hero Ronald Reagan) goes, that if aliens did invade, all the world's cultures would unite against them. I suppose this doesn't exactly fit that scenario, since everyone still thinks the aliens are here to help society and cure diseases. But why would the terrorists have a problem with that? The V's are all over the world, helping out, not just in America. Oh well, who knows. My personal theory is that the terrorist cell is actually made up of V's who were an advance deployment, getting ready to bring the smack down on humans. I suppose we'll see.

FBI mom, young Catholic priest, and the well-t0-do guy's friend are end up at the same meeting, where everyone has to have a small piece of their scalp ripped open to prove that there's skull underneath. After everyone passes the test, the well-to-do friend brings the breakdown: turns out that V's have walked among us for years, all in an elaborate plot to bring down humanity. They've cloned human flesh to graft over their reptilian skin and ingratiated themselves in all facets of life - business, military, religion, you get the picture. Then, they've started the mechanisms to bring humans down, causing unnecessary wars, economic breakdown, and religious extremism. If there was any doubt that these guys represent the anti-Semitic/birther/Neo Nazi fringe groups, it's gone. These guys are the crazy ones, but they're going to turn out to be right, which really doesn't send a great message to all the weirdos out there who actually believe this crap about African Americans, Jews, whoever, take your pick of outsiders.

Then, we find out that the person FBI mom has been tracking is actually a V, a part of a terrorist sleeper cell. "A terrorist sleeper cell of V's?" she asks. "A terrorist sleeper cell of V's," the main dude answers. I was right! Huzzah!

Suddenly, a group of people crash into the meeting, wielding terrible scythe things and ripping everyone to shreds. The worst part is that one of them is FBI mom's own partner, and after throwing him off of her, she cuts his skin, revealing lizard flesh!

Well-to-do guy, who's named Ryan, it turns out, comes to the rescue of his friend, showing that he believes in the cause. They run away from the fracas, and Ryan reveals that he's a lizard person, too!! But, guys, it's okay, he's a good lizard person, one who doesn't want to kill humans, a defector from his own people. He promises there are others out there like him, others that will join the human resistance.

At the end, we see FBI mom's son, Tyler, joining the peace ambassadors and becoming embroiled in the culture of the V's, setting the stage for an inter-generational civil war.

Yowza. Well, the critics were right, in my opinion, this really does make a point of slamming the Obama candidacy. Of course, the chance that Obama and his minions are actually lizard people intent on destroying the planet are fairly minimal, in my view. Let's hope so anyway. I think I'll continue to watch, if only to see what other absurd parallels they employ. It's equally likely that they spread it on really thick in the pilot just to draw interest, and it'll be more original in the following episodes. Regardless, the production values are out of this world (get it?) and everything is sleek and beautiful. The scenes on the mothership are painstakingly detailed, and not too computer-y. There was one scene of a small transport vehicle dropping down onto a harbor that was clearly green screened, but other than that, you can tell some serious cash went into the special effects department. And good for ABC, putting some serious value into a big TV event. I just wish it were a bit subtler.

THe Office - Double Date, or Lessons for the Kids

2009-11-07T12:40:00.012-05:00

It's Helene's birthday, so Michael, still oblivious to the fact that he is not helping, organizes a birthday lunch with Pam, Jim, Helene, and himself. After trying to scam her way out of lunch, Pam starts playing psychological games, making her mother less appealing to Michael. Her tactic? Age. Turns out Helene is turning 58 this year. Upon learning this, Michael is sufficiently weirded out, but will it be enough to end the relationship? Pam hopes so.

It starts to look that way, as Michael starts visibly pulling away from Helene, making awkward comments about a generational gap, and trying to keep his birthday gift to her secret. It turns out he made her a scrapbook of their first memories together, and wrote her a poem. But the sentiment isn't ringing quite as true now that he knows she's not really turning 49. The kicker is that the scrapbook/poem combo, as well as her mom's obvious happiness, have finally swayed Pam to the pro-Michael camp.

Meanwhile, back at the office, Dwight and Andy engage in a strange politeness-off. Dwight brought in bagels for breakfast as a favor, so that his coworkers would someday have to repay the favor to him by getting Jim fired (yes, it's a stretch, just accept it). But, Andy, with his constant congeniality, must return the favor to Dwight immediately, so they constantly one up each other with favors, advice, and gifts all afternoon. Eventually, Dwight gives up trying to have everyone owe him, and Andy's niceness prevails, which is a nice lesson for the kids.

During cake, Michael confesses that he wants to break up with Helene, and cites Pam's feelings of disgust as the reason. It's a clever ploy, hiding his real motives with other, equally plausible explanations - a first for Michael Scott. Sadly, it doesn't work, as Pam protests that she's fine with the relationship, and wants her mom to be happy. Then, Michael reveals that Helene is just too old for him, and he has a lot of life still to live, and she can't accompany him on that journey. Ouch.

Back at the office, Michael tries to bribe Pam by offering her a raise. A bribe in exchange for what? It's unclear, but has to do with her having a better attitude. She says she'll take it, then reneges. What she really wants is to hit Michael. In the parking lot. In front of everybody. After work. Looks like school is back in session at Dunder Mifflin!

Hold up - can we talk about Pam for a second? While she's getting increasingly interesting as a character, something I can never fault, she seems to be manifesting only negative emotions and motivations. She hated Michael dating her mother and acted horribly, and now she's reverting to schoolyard rules of engagement to get back at him for breaking up with her? Are the writers consciously doing this to show a shift in Pam as her life changes, or can it be explained away with hormones? Other suggestions. Comments definitely welcome, because I'm having trouble connecting with this new, bitter Pam that's emerging.

ANYWAY, the rest of the afternoon passes with Toby giving Pam punching lessons (oh, how he wishes it were him doing the hitting) and excitement gathering. Michael goes to Jim to try and stop it, and Jim waffles. He doesn't agree with Pam's decision to hit Michael, but there's nothing he can really do to stop her.

Everyone gathers outside, and Pam winds up. Just as she's about to hit him, Michael apologizes for both dating Pam's mom, then dumping her on her birthday. He promises never to date a member of Pam's family again. All is resolved? No, of course, Michael finds a way to ruin the situation, saying, "For the record, she came on to me." Pam whips back around and delivers a hearty slap to Michael's cheek. He cries, but she doesn't feel better. Another lesson for the kids this week: violence doesn't make you feel better.

Wow. So, I guess this storyline is over, but we'll see if Pam continues on her road to anger, or if this was all brought on by the Mom episode. All in all, we received some good life lessons, and that slap was badass.

30 Rock - Audition, or The Vague Metaphor

2009-11-07T11:52:00.010-05:00

Finally! Hopes of a new cast member are finally realized with the final decision to add Jayden Michael Tyler to the TGS family! He's funny, kind, and comes with an impressive resume: he lists his references as Martin Scorsese, Christopher Walken, and Gilbert Gottfried. But, to make Jack believe it was his idea to hire him, Liz and Pete selected three "decoy" candidates that Jack is sure to hate, making him choose Jayden.

Predictably, Jenna gets a hold of the audition list and raises hell. Apparently, she did a show with Jayden years ago, and he was terrible to work with. To further complicate matters, Liz agrees to let Dot Com audition (he played Trigorin in The Seagull). Word gets out, and the floodgate is opened, with Frank demanding to audition, and, in an excellent cameo, even NBC News Anchor Brian Williams begs to try out.

Jenna tells Tracy about Dot Com trying out, and Tracy is mortified, knowing that Dot Com is a far superior actor, so they decide to find better, neutral talent to bring in to usurp their nemeses.

Meanwhile, Jack has fallen to the bottom rung of society, a leper that no one will touch. Why? Apparently, there's a terrible bed bug epidemic sweeping New York, and Jack has caught it. He isn't able to attend meetings or use the company car. Not even cabs will take him, so he uses the subway to get to his dermatologist. The final humiliation comes when even Kenneth will not embrace him.

During the audition, we see a strong of unimpressive comedians, then, finally, Jayden makes his big entrance. Turns out his act is actually an impression of, you guessed it, Martin Scorsese, Christopher Walken, and Gilbert Gottfried. The references were fake, and Jayden is actually a sociopath who blackmails Liz into hiring him! And we thought it couldn't get any worse!

But, they don't have to hire Jayden in the end, since Jack chose another auditioner as his favorite. Now, Liz has to employ one of those robot impersonators you always see on the streets, because he was the only person who would shake Jack's bed bug-infested hand. What will he be like? We don't know. Does he speak English? We hope so.

All in all, a frenetic and exciting episode, with lots of ins and outs. But I'm unclear what the bed bug metaphor was all about. Swine flu? It's unclear. It seemed like it was trying to be "about" something, but too vague to really have a clear tie to the real world. Or, it could have just been an absurd little trope that Tina Fey thought up. I don't want to overthink it. The only thing that matters is the greatness of the following line, by Jack: "Human empathy, it's as useless as the Winter Olympics...this February on NBC." Zing! 30 Rock is really sticking it to the parent company this season, but with continuing hilarity, so I guess they're okay with it. I'm glad that Tina and the gang heard my plea to wrap up the "new cast member" storyline, so we can get on to bigger and better things.

Dexter - If I Had A Hammer, or How To Be A Serial Killer

2009-11-07T11:05:00.018-05:00

Now that his cycle of killing is complete, we delved more into the personal life of Trinity this week, learning that, in addition to having a wife and teenage children, he is also a teacher and a deacon. All camouflage, to hide his dark secret.

Dexter is working on patching things up with Rita while trying to track down and kill Trinity. Needless to say, it makes it a little tough to fit in those couples' therapy sessions while stalking a vicious serial killer.

Back at Miami PD headquarters, after the arrest of Nicki Wald for the vacation murders, Deb still feels uneasy, since Nicki refuses to confess to her and Lundy's shooting. Well, that's because it wasn't her, but Dexter can't let her know it was Trinity. Angel is also getting ready for his transfer to a desk job, thanks to the fact that LaGuerda spilled the beans about their tryst. I've never really bought the two of them as a couple, if only for clunky lines like this:

LaGuerda: But you hate working behind a desk!

Angel: But I love being with you.

Blurgh.

But Dexter finally does make it to couples' therapy, where Rita issues the ultimatum that if Dex can't be totally honest with her, she "[doesn't] want to do this anymore". I assume she means get a divorce? Yeesh, Tina Fey's three year old daughter is a better writer (I want to go to there, anyone?)

At the crime scene of Trinity's latest kill, Dexter discovers a rare bit of evidence that yields two strains of DNA - count 'em, two! One belongs to a cremated body, and the other is saliva. The theory is that Trinity licked his finger, dipped it in ashes (gross!) and stuck it to the wall. A lead! A very probable lead!

Of course, Dexter must stop the efforts of the real law enforcers so he can administer his own brand of justice to Trinity. But, in tracking Trinity, Dexter realizes that the health of his family is more important than killing Trinity, especially since the cycle is over and Trinity won't kill again soon.

Whoa! Breakthrough! Dexter prioritizing his family over the dark passenger! He said that he couldn't picture his life without Rita and the kids, and by neglecting to mention how he could picture his life without killing again, it may mean that his serial killing urge is waning. While this is great for Dexter, I must selfishly consider my own needs: what would this mean for the show? A serial killer that doesn't have to kill? The whole point is that Dexter doesn't want to kill these guys (well, he does, but it's secondary), the whole drama is that he feels incomplete without murder in his life. He just reigns in his impulses by singling out terrible people. Now, he's a family man and killing becomes like fantasy football or Scrabble, a meaningless hobby? I don't know what to think. This is a dangerous road you're walking down, Dexter writers, tread carefully. Because if we don't care about Dexter and his dark impulses, it'll be tough to keep a steady audience.

Meanwhile, Deb continues her obsession with proving Nicki shot her. She goes to Quinn's house and declares that she's had a revelation and remembers seeing Nicki just before she shot her and Lundy. Of course, we know that Deb is framing this woman who's already going away for a long time, in a desperate attempt to gain closure for the horrific act that killed her recently regained love. I'm not really seeing a downside to this arrangement, as another murder probably won't add significantly to Nicki's already hefty prison sentence, and Deb will gain a modicum of peace. Of course, Dexter will still kill Trinity, so the real justice will be served.

On his way out to a charity project that Trinity is running through his church for some recon, Vince makes the revelation that the cremated remains and the saliva show that the two people are related. I knew it! My personal theory is that Trinity's mother, father, and sister were killed in the horrific ways that he now feels compelled to recreate, time and time again. This is also reinforced by Trinity's exclamations during his kills, with things like, "You made me do this", "It's your fault", etc.

Deb goes to the cell where Nicki is being held and roughs her up a bit in the hope that she'll confess to the murders. She doesn't, and says that Deb will be the liar if she says she saw Nicki there that night.

LaGuerda then goes to the higher ups and asks for a transfer. She's thinking press liaison. That way, Angel can stay in homicide and do what he loves. Seems like a perfect fix, except when she tells Angel, LaGuerda admits that she doesn't really want to leave homicide, and now they have to decide which is more important, "our jobs or each other". Gag.

Dexter brings home an array of expensive gifts for Rita and the kids, and while Aster and Cody are pleased, Rita protests that they don't need gifts, they just need Dexter around and to be open. Rita just wants Dexter to talk to her. He tries, but can't. To retaliate, Rita schedules another therapy session.

Deb, after deciding not to be an eyewitness, has been scouring Lundy's personal effects gathered after his death, and realizes that important elements are missing. Research books, audio tapes. So, she deduces that Trinity stole them after killing Lundy, because he was getting too close to finding him. Of course, we know that it was Dexter who took that important information to track down Lundy, but this means that now Deb realizes who Lundy's real killer is, and will no doubt seek traditional forms of justice for him. This will likely get in Dexter's way as he goes about his own way of doing things.

LaGuerda and Angel decide to file paperwork with the higher ups saying that their relationship is over, so neither of them have to leave the department. At first I thought they were faking just to stay in homicide, but it looks like they broke it off.

While cleaning out the last of his apartment, Dexter stumbles onto my hypothesis (see above), and through some Google magic, finds out that, indeed, Trinity's mother, father, and sister all died in the same manners he now ritually performs. Ta da! I knew it!

Eager to find where and how Trinity hides his murderous implements, less out of a need to prove that he did - we all know that already - but more curious as to how Trinity has successfully hidden his secret life from his well-adjusted family. He deliberately cuts himself to be let into the house and gain access to the First Aid kit. While Trinity roots around for it, Dexter makes himself at home. He realizes that the house building charity work Trinity does is an excuse to travel the country and kill without being caught.

Trinity gives Dex some unwitting advice about how to be a good serial killer: let your family in, jump in with both feet. I'm not entirely sure what that means, exactly, but Dexter seems committed. So, he goes to his next therapy session with Rita and fully commits to letting Rita into his life. He admits to being scared that she'll abandon him if he gets too close They have a beautiful moment of understanding, and Rita agrees to give him some personal space, both emotionally and physically, so he can store his murder implements. They build a storage shed, complete with padlock to which on Dexter has the key. It's true love!

At the tail of the episode, Deb reveals that she thinks Trinity killed Lundy and injured her. Ruh-roh! We know what's happened when Deb tries to find serial killers in the past, and it isn't good. Will Dexter be able to shield her from Trinity?

We'll find out!

Mad Men - The Grown Ups, or The Pseudo Finale

2009-11-03T21:51:00.007-05:00

Well, something tells me that when Peggy's children as her where she was when JFK was shot, she won't be telling them the whole truth.

But I shouldn't make fun - after weeks of protestation from creator Matthew Weiner that he absolutely would not be dramatizing the assassination of JFK, that fateful day in November finally came to our friends at Sterling Cooper.

I really enjoyed the vignettes of what everyone was doing as the story unfolded. It's amazing to think that news like that wouldn't hit the airwaves immediately, that there would be hours of confirmation before we even knew the president was dead. But it was a different time, and Mad Men really captured the fear and prolonged anxiety of that dreadful day.

My favorite revelation scene: most definitely Margaret and Mona in the bridal dressing room. The entire "I want to cancel the wedding!" tantrum was some over the top dramatic irony, and I doubt I was the only viewer shouting, "YES, cancel the wedding! It will be ruined anyway! Aaah, Margaret, you're so snotty!" Then, the moment with her crumpled in that wedding dress (a dry run, I suppose, since the wedding is the next day?) sobbing, "It's ruined, it's all ruined!" we knew that it wasn't the future of the country she was talking about, but her own wedding.

Betty's reaction was also surprising. Her exclamation to Don as he arrived home, "I just can't stop crying," may be hinting at deeper depression for our leading lady, as I recall her not being the biggest Kennedy fan. Of course, who am I to judge how one reacts to a national tragedy on this scale? I was impressed with Don's parenting, both comforting Gene in the middle of the night, and the surprisingly comforting and firm reassurance to Sally and Bobby. But even cold as ice Don Draper was affected by the events of the day, slipping one of Betty's pills (I assume anti-anxiety of some sort) before hopping into bed.

And then, of course, onto what was supposed to be the main event - Margaret's wedding. After humiliatingly asking his guests to consolidate tables and try both kinds of entrees provided, Roger gave a surprisingly touching toast to his daughter. And who else was at the wedding? Why, our good friend Henry the Rockefeller advisor! Of course. Betty spends the whole time mooning over her lost chance at an affair, while Henry's daughter and Don both take notice.

At the end of the night, Jane is sloppy drunk again, so Roger takes the opportunity to ring up his favorite set of hillsides. They have a strangely pleasant and benign conversation, then hang up. A precursor of things to come?

After watching Lee Harvey Oswald get shot on live TV, Betty decides to track down Henry for some more awkward foreplay. But Betty clearly has a lot to learn from the affair-master, Don Draper. When announcing that she was taking "a drive", Betty had no alibi planned, and had one of the worst lie deliveries of all time. Next time, Bets, just tell him - you'll both feel better.

So, she meets up with Mr. Rockefeller Aide, who promptly declares that he wants to marry her. Betty replies, "I don't know what to say," and seems genuinely flabbergasted and excited by the prospect. Oh, Betty, please, this guy does not want to marry you. It's the oldest trick in the book! He'll wait until you've lost your kids, husband, and house, get in your pants, and then be all like, "Oh, did I say marry? I meant...do you want to go on a ferry...to Staten Island?" He will then assume a preparatory running stance, then disappear in a cloud of dust and a comic "whoosh!" sound effect. Trust me, Bets.

But, apparently, Betty doesn't take my advice, and instead, storms home in a cloud of righteous fury and announces that she doesn't love Don anymore. Nope. Not one bit. The look of sheer terror and confusion on Don's face is priceless as Betty makes her announcement, as if he cannot possibly fathom how he has ruined their marriage. His sheepish entrance into the kitchen the following morning was also telling - he is now an intruder in his own home.

Going into work, we hear the telltale sounds of clacking at the typewriter. As soon as those workaholic little shots rang out, I knew it could be none other than Peggy, the other person as dedicated to their job as Don. But, even she takes a moment out of her day to watch the funeral, while Don drinks alone in his office.

Wow! This episode was so dramatic and emotionally fraught, I forgot that it wasn't the season finale. For real. We have one more left, and how can Weiner and the gang possibly top that? An anticlimactic "Betty moves out" montage? Even if they do falter next week, I'll still be clutching my pearls in anticipation of next season's machinations.

House - Brave Heart, or The Merits of Autopsies

2009-11-01T20:08:00.010-05:00

House took a page out of Tony Jaa's book this week with the opening sequence, a decision with which I heartily agree. The production staff splurged and hired an awesome par cour actor as a fleeing criminal suspect, with two out of shape cops chasing him through a maze of urban amusement for our par cour dude. He vaulted over crates, leapt through windows, and even scaled a wall. The director must have been having a great time covering this, indulging in slow motion shots and even the Ong Bak copyrighted (in my book) rewind shot. For the uninitiated, it's where they show an awesome, gravity-defying move, only to immediately play it again, in slow-motion, from a different angle. Amazing.

Then, one of the cops chasing the criminal, inspired by his physical deftness, decided it would be a great idea to try to jump 10 or 12 feet from one roof to another. Needless to say, he did not make it, and fell 30 feet to the ground. The kicker? He didn't die. Cue House opening credits!

It turns out the cop jumped because he's living life on the edge, with no regard to his own safety. His father and grandfather both died around age 40 from undiagnosed, untraceable heart conditions, and, as his 40th birthday is just around the corner, Mr. Cop has decided that, since he'll be dying soon anyway, he can try fun things like jump from rooftops.

House, of course, dismisses this guy as a possible case, saying that people die of heart conditions all the time, and it's not worth his time. To make matters worse, Cuddy is insisting that House go on rounds to requalify for his medical license. Oh, how terrible! Having to do doctor-y work to become a doctor again!

The team runs a battery of tests on Mr. Cop, and finds nothing to show any heart problems. The next logical step? Why, to exhume the bodies of his forbears, of course! We see a shot of increasingly less-putrified remains, starting with great-grandfather, then grandfather, and finally, a disgustingly decaying father. Really, guys, this was the next logical step? Whatever.

Chase is also having some serious guilt over killing the tyrant president, which is starting to get old. Dude, he killed thousands of people, and was an asshole. Get over it. I'm cure Hippocrates would give you a pass on that one.

At Wilson's apartment, House is getting tired of sleeping on the couch, (and having his masturbation interrupted) so moves into the shrine Wilson has set up for his dead girlfriend, Amber. House spends his first night in there, but is haunted by Amber's image everywhere, and hears strange voices. Considering that House's psychosis manifested itself in visions of Amber during his every waking moment, it probably wasn't the best idea to have him sleep there.

As for Mr. Cop, it turns out he has a son, and the boy's mother is concerned that whatever afflicts Dad will also bother Son later in life. So, little Michael undergoes tests, and the results are nada. But, to get him to submit to testing, he extracts a promise that he'll finally meet his father. Turns out Mr. Cop is an asshole, and tells Michael he never wants to see him or have a relationship, since he's going to die after he turns 40 anyway. Harsh.

Determined to get rid of this non-patient, House tells Mr. Cop he has a nonexistent disorder and to take a week of placebos, then he'll be fine. He then discharges him. House has also been making life hell for Dr. Singh, the head doctor on his rotations, in an effort to get him to sign off that House has completed the requisite number of hours, so he can get his license. Oh, and he still thinks Amber is haunting him, and begins to hear strange whispering.

Then, four hours after being discharged, Mr. Cop collapses and dies. Whoops!

So, they get the body shipped to Princeton-Plainsboro and do an autopsy. Foreman makes the initial incision into the sternum, and then OH GOD, HE'S STILL ALIVE!!!

Turns out his heart just slowed down enough for him to be declared dead, and make it all the way to the autopsy table. They figure it's something auto-immune related, and start him on steroids. He begins complaining about searing jaw pain, and, after he's maxed out on pain medication, staggers to the medical supplies drawer in his room and yanks out a tooth. The team can't find anything wrong with the tooth, and so, are at a loss for another diagnosis. They can't go to House, since he's decided he's not ready to come back to medicine, what with hearing voices and all.

While investigating the source of his returning psychosis, House realizes that the voice he's hearing is actually Wilson, through an adjoining grate in the two rooms, secretly whispering to Amber about the details of his day. We thought it was going to be exciting, or at least scary, but it just turns out it's incredibly sad.

But it means that House can come back! Hooray!

The team finds another diagnosis for Mr. Cop that's conveniently hereditary, and House makes Chase face his fears and go back to the room where both the genocidal president and Mr. Cop both reside. He also counsels Chase to get some help for his guilt, a rare turn of empathy without any perceivable upside for house, other than it will help Chase actually do his job, rather than moping all around the hospital.

Chase goes to confession and the priest tells him that he needs to go to the police. Chase is all like, "Hell no!" then goes and gets wasted. Cameron is mad. Also, the diagnosis for Mr. Cop is wrong. Again. Damnit!

House finally figures out the problem with Mr. Cop after receiving his certification of 120 hours of rounds for Cuddy (it's unclear) and diagnoses that he has some sort of weird self-destruct button that can be disarmed through brain surgery. Both father and son are cured, and the beginnings of a beautiful paternal relationship begin.

At the end of the episode, we see House taking a book from Wilson's page, whispering to his dead father.

30 Rock - Stone Mountain, or All God's Children are Terrible

2009-11-01T19:53:00.005-05:00

It's road trip time on 30 Rock! Still trying to find that perfect new cast member, Jack again bemoans the lack of "real America" talent on TGS, so they head to Kenneth's home town of Stone Mountain, Georgia, to find the perfect, mid-America comic.

Back in New York, Jenna works on befriending the writers to ensure that, when the new cast member finally does materialize, she'll be taken care of with good sketches. She got the idea from Florence Henderson, who Kenneth says used to bake cookies for the writers (my internet research has neither confirmed nor denied this claim). In exchange, they wrote her one of the greatest characters of all time. The guys think Jenna is a drag, and are plotting to throw her out of the gang when they learn that they can ingratiate themselves into her circle of cool gay dudes and attend one of the greatest Halloween parties in New York. However, Jenna figures out that, in addition to her using them, they are now using her, but they reach a truce of mutual benefit for all parties, with her getting good skits, and them getting to come to the party.

In Stone Mountain, Liz ate a carp po boy sandwich with extra chuckle (you don't want to know) that didn't agree with her. In her absence, Jack went to the local Laugh Factory without her and hired a ventriloquist to be the newest part of TGS. Liz goes back to the comedy club with Jack, determined to heckle the ventriloquist and make him renege on the deal. However, when they arrive, it turns out that the ventriloquist is as nasty and brutal a comic as any found in New York, and the comedy club-goers are just as foul and mean as any in Gotham.

So, we learned that all God's children are terrible, and gay dudes throw the best Halloween parties. All in all, a fair episode, featuring a cameo by Jimmy Fallon in a "rule of three" subplot featuring Tracy Jordan. Tracy is concerned that, because two famous people have died, he'll be the third to go, since celebrity deaths always happen in three (apparently). Jimmy poked fun at his own show's failings, and once again proved that, although a good-looking guy and a fairly good joke-reader, not the best actor on the block. Oh well, we all have our talents.

But seriously, 30 Rock, show me a new cast member or abandon the plot. This is getting ridiculous.

Dexter - Dirty Harry, or Revelations for Everyone

2009-11-01T19:16:00.005-05:00

Well, thank goodness Deb's okay. However, Lundy, just as expected, didn't make it out alive. Now Deb, wracked with guilt, confesses to Anton that she cheated, and she moves out of their shared apartment and out of his life. She moves in with Dexter, Rita, and the kids, and begins the long road to recovery.

This week, Rita found out that Dexter kept his bachelor pad, home of all his serial killer implements and the blood samples of all his dearly departed victims. She simmers with pent up anger throughout the episode, while Dexter keeps delaying "the talk".

But Dexter has important things to do! Convinced that Trinity, not the Vacation Murderer, is responsible for Deb's wounding, Dexter strikes out to find him. After stealing Lundy's tape recordings of all his observations about Trinity, Dexter pinpoints the location of his next kill. Although Dexter makes it in time to positively ID Trinity, he doesn't save the final victim. After following Trinity through Miami, expecting to find him holed up in some scummy motel, all alone, it turns out that Trinity makes him home in a nice, suburban area of Miami, and has a wife and two teenage children. In fact, Trinity is just like Dexter! Lundy and Dex were wrong to think he was a lone wolf, someone who shies away from human interaction. What else could he be wrong about?

Rita and Dexter finally have the talk, after Rita breaks into the apartment and is found staring at Dexter's footlocker of serial killing. Dexter relents, showing her what's inside. Turns out he's the proud owner of some kind of shotgun, and his cover story is that he didn't want it in the house with the kids, so elected to pay rent on an exorbitant secret apartment, rather than tell her he was a proud supporter of his Second Amendment rights? Yeah, Rita didn't buy that explanation either. She said that he should probably sleep there tonight, and there was a lot of work to be done if the marriage was going to work.

After last week's revelation that Dexter cherishes his family, it seems doubtful that he'll just dump them and move on, but that will mean that Rita will continue to probe into his life, trying to uncover all his secrets in a misguided quest for intimacy. What about the theory that secrets keep a marriage alive and exciting, Rita? Oh well, we'll see just how much Dexter can get away with revealing to keep Rita happy before delving into the real stuff. Rita clearly has a sense that Dexter is a liar, so how much can she really trust him? Will it ever be enough for her, or will she always know he's hiding something monumental?

Moving forward, Deb has rapidly become a very intriguing character. Still feeling responsible for Lundy's death, will she take up his serial killing mantle? Will she discover her own brother's dark secrets by becoming more and more familiar with the underworld of killers? I've always liked Deb, and I'm glad to see that she'll have more to do than go from guy to guy and curse like a sailor - although that's fun to watch too.

Mad Men - The Gypsy and the Hobo, or What's Next

2009-11-01T17:47:00.007-05:00

And now...the main event! The fight to end all fights, the showdown of the ages, it's Betty vs. Don "Dick Whitman" Draper!

After waiting out an entire episode for the big confrontation, we finally saw Betty put the smackdown on Don for all his lies. This was a great episode for Betty, and we saw that she's not one to go off half-cocked into this kind of battle. I'm almost wondering if the visit to her brother's wasn't all a big ploy to nab some face time with the family lawyer.

Unfortunately, the message she heard from old Milton was pretty grim. While I'm always horrified by the rampant sexism on display, hearing Betty's future if she pursued divorce was bleaker than bleak. Milton basically said that, since Don's a good provider and she isn't afraid of him, she should go home and "give it a try". To be fair, she didn't enumerate the exact details of Don's crimes, but still, to be told to shut up and make it work gave me the shivers.

But before the final crisis, we saw our good friend Roger Sterling confront a ghost from his past on this Halloween-themed episode, with the return of Annabel, an old pre-World War II flame. They apparently had a wonderful time in those days, until Annabel left him for a hoity-toity, Dad-approved beau. She comes back, now a widow, begging to be let back into Roger's heart. Even though she literally threw herself at him (propelling Roger into a wall), he wants none of it. He's happy now, a newlywed, and seemingly committed to Jane. "This girl is different," he says. Really, Roger, really? I don't think he's any more committed to his matrimonial vows than he was with Mona (and we saw how well he kept those) but wants to break Annabel's heart the way she broke his, even if it means giving up a night of extramarital nookie.

To add to Roger's lady issues, Joan is suddenly back in the picture. After Dr. Petulant doesn't make the cut yet again - "I don't want to be a psychiatrist!" he whines - he decides to join the Army, since they're desperate for surgeons, and will take any old sawbones. And don't worry about him going overseas - the worst is that he'll be shipped to West Germany, or maybe Vietnam, "if that's still going on." Oh, Dr. Harris, you are so dead. Which is convenient, because it seems that Joan and Roger are about to rekindle that loving feeling, with Joan asking Roger for help finding a job. There's no way that Jane can hold a candle to Joan, and she won't seem so different after Joan is back in the picture.

But back to the Don and Betty confrontation! Don comes home to grab a few essentials on the way to a lover's getaway with Miss Farrell, when Betty corrals him into a sit down. Don sulks his way into his study, leaving Miss Farrell in the car. Betty takes on the sit down with a prosecutorial hardness that's shocking to witness. She shows almost no emotion throughout the entire talk, asking pointed questions and saying words that should be loaded with empathy, but with no expression on her face. Is she in shock after hearing about Don's deepest secrets? Maybe. I would have thought that Betty, in her discovery, had crafted a far worse backstory than the one Don told her, so would perhaps be relieved to her about its relative innocence. Of course, Don didn't mention the crucial fact that he switched dog tags with the original Don Draper, but instead, referred to a vague "accident" that resulted in the mix up.

For the rest of the episode, Betty maintains a granite facade, repeatedly asking Don if he wants anything like it's paradoxically the first time she's ever thought to ask and has been rehearsing it all day. They accompany the children trick-or-treating, with Sally as a gypsy and Billy as a hobo, standing stock still behind their children like a tableau of repression. Though the final line is over the top - "And who are you supposed to be?" - it's a valid question for the series as a whole.

With the largest question of the series answered (will Betty find out about Don? Yes.) what else is next? Don will, no doubt, enter into a period of forced monogamy, only to stray again, and Betty will put up with it, since the prospect of being a single mother with no financial support is too terrible to bear. Can Betty love Dick Whitman like she loved Don Draper? Well, she's sticking around for now, but will she feel more free to fool around with the Harry's of the world? If nothing else, I'm glad to see that the saccharine Miss Farrell is at least temporarily out of the picture.

The Office - The Lover, or Pam Goes Crazy

2009-10-25T16:37:00.002-04:00

As much as it pains me to say it, I think I'm actually on Michael's side of this week's argument. I know.

This week, Jim and Pam returned from Costa Rica, full of in-jokes - "Frank and Beans!" - and Puerto Rican candy for their office mates. Shortly upon their return, Michael makes a shocking disclosure to Jim - he's dating Pam's recently divorced mother. Jim advises him to never, ever tell Pam, but after Erin accidentally reveals that Michael is going on a date that night, Pam begs to know who his new girlfriend is. After trying to hedge, he finally reveals the truth.

Pam then proceeds to go off the deep end, running to the parking lot screaming, calling and berating her mother, and generally being kind of a jerk to Michael and everyone else in the office. The real reason that Pam is upset is never really made clear - it mostly hinges on the "Ew!" factor (understandable) and how awkward it makes things for her.

But really, she's the one making it super awkward for everyone, openly criticizing Michael for non-Mom dating crimes. The rest of the office is split, some taking Pam's side that Michael crossed the line by even considering dating a co-worker's parent, while others say that Pam's mom is an adult, able to make her own decisions.

As the episode progressed and Pam refused to get less angry, Michael became more and more sympathetic, even comforting Pam's mother after Pam harshly berates her. At the end of the episode, Pam seems slightly mollified, but still pretty irate.

The sub plot this week is that Dwight gives Jim a wooden mallard with a listening device implanted in it, so he can "surveil" Jim. Jim figures this out, and pulls some pranks on Dwight. Finally, he reveals that he knows the duck (mallard!) is a listening device, and makes Dwight wash and buff Pam's car.

BUT, at the end we see that the real surveillance device is installed in the tip of one of Jim's pens, and the mallard was only a decoy. Oh Dwight, so wily. The episode ends with him listening intently as Jim yammers about different types of paper to a customer. Who knows what damning secrets Dwight may hear?

Moving forward, I don't know how they're going to make it work with Michael and Pam's mom. It is, admittedly, pretty sketchy, but Michael seems truly happy with her, and Pam's mom clearly likes him too. Will Pam get over it? Will they double date? It was nice to see Pam stretch her character a little, rather than the same old "nice, and slightly awkward" thing she's had going thus far. I'm all for a full range of emotion, but let's try to make it a little more relatable next time.

30 Rock - Into the Crevasse, or You'll Never Believe Who Plays Liz

2009-10-24T16:30:00.009-04:00

This week, we saw the return of Dealbreakers, a plot point I readily admit to have forgotten all about. Well, Liz has a book now, and all her male friends and co-workers are incensed.

Turns out that Liz cribbed heavily from her less than ideal male acquaintances, much to the detriment of their love lives. The best deal breaker: "If your man owns a diamond necklace that says 'Open Marriage' that's a deal breaker." Well, you can guess who that piece of bling belongs to - one Tracy Jordan. After Angie kicks Tracy out, he forcibly inserts himself into Liz's apartment for the foreseeable future.

Jenna's also mad at Liz these days, although not for Dealbreakers. She's still fuming over the still non-existent new cast member, so has decided to star in a student film in Iceland about werewolves called "Moonstalkers". Unfortunately, because Iceland is so far north, it receives about a minute of darkness each night this time of year. So, it looks like Jenna will be gone for a long time, considering the entire film takes place at night.

Also, where is this new castmember?? 30 Rock writers, you continue to tease me with the promise of a new actor, but fail to deliver!

Meanwhile, Jack makes a daytrip to DC (woot!) to testify before the new industry task force on microwaves and small appliances. Jack is convinced that he'll wow the panel and be back to NYC before dinner. But, when he sits down with his GE cronies, the man staring at him from across the table is none other than DEVON BANKS! Bum, bum, buuumm!

In fact, 30 Rock indulges in not one but two "Bum, bum, buuumm"s, one uttered by Devon, and the next intoned by ominous trombones immediately after. It's the small details like this, 30 Rock, that make me love you so.

ANYWAY, after Devon drills into Jack about negligent company spending, he leaks the testimony to the papers, dooming GE to a government shutdown. It turns out that Devon spent the entire fall worming his way into the Obama's inner circle, mainly by being BFF's with Sasha and Malia. He took control of the task force specifically to destroy Jack, and now it looks like he'll have his way.

Back at Liz's apartment, Tracy continues to punish Liz, adopting 20 dogs (rescued by Kenneth from an animal shelter right before they were about to be put down) and buying porn left and right.

To save the company, Jack tries improving upon the basic design of the microwave, but ends up accidentally inventing the modern American automobile - obscenely huge and shoddily made. Liz goes to Jack for help with the Tracy problem, and he, in a King Solomon decision, decrees that since Liz used Tracy's life for gain, Tracy will have the same opportunity. Jack says that Tracy will receive ownership of Liz's life rights, to do with what he will.

Jack then imparts a tale from his past, chronicling the importance of "climbing down" - doing what seems the opposite of intuitive in order to get yourself out of an impossible situation.

Of course, this will then come into play for the resolutions of both their tales. Liz makes a deal that Tracy to help him do the most humiliating thing possible with her life story: make a porn out of it. She agrees to write it, and he will film it.

On Jack's end, he appeals to Devon's insatiable urge for power, and tells him that, instead of destroying GE, Devon can make Jack take government bailout money, effectively making Devon his boss. This sates his desire for revenge, but now Jack will again be an underling to Banks.

We're privileged enough to see a few of the shots of the porn that Tracy films, which take verbatim dialogue from earlier scenes in the episode and pornify them. As I was watching, I was convinced that the actress playing Liz in the porn was the same adult film star who played "Serra Paylin" in that adult film classic "Who's Nailin' Paylin?" I thought it was a beautiful moment of ultra meta-casting, but it turns out my excitement was for naught. The woman playing Liz was not in "Who's Nailin' Paylin?", and is Savanna Samson, also an adult movie actress.

Fun fact: Savanna broke into the pornography business because her then-fiance's fantasy had always been to see her have sex with another woman, so, as a wedding gift, she filmed a porn with an adult movie producer. The movie took off, she had clear...talents, and thus, an adult film star was born. I'm not kidding.

Overall, a well-crafted episode. It featured the kinds of unnecessary flashbacks (Do the Microwave!) and delicious non-sequitors (Lazer Shield...) that make 30 Rock a joy for vigilant watchers.

P.S. Did anyone else notice that they cut the opening sequence in favor of just the title flashing across the screen with a black background? Weird. I hope they aren't going the way of Lost. As long as you keep the ominous, crescendoing horn music out of it, I guess it'll be okay.

House - Instant Karma, or The Ghost of Princeton-Plainsboro Hospital

2009-10-24T14:02:00.004-04:00

This week's opening was so prosaically shot that I honestly thought it was an opening Hulu commercial for an anti-depressant. It featured a middle-aged guy with a sad looking dog sitting at the end of a tree-lined road. But, it turned out Mr. Sad is really some sort of energy tycoon with a seriously ill son. So, he demands the prowess of Dr. House to find out what's killing his boy. Cuddy tries to persuade him that Foreman is a suitable replacement, but unless Dr. House is "dead, comatose, or crazy", Mr. Sad will have him!

So, now House is making the calls while Foreman is the front man. To complicate matters, they have to give a presentation at the Morbidity and Mortality Conference (doesn't that sound like fun?) on the recently deceased president from last week's episode. In case you missed it, Chase injected the genocidal tyrant with the blood of a cadaver to fake test results into showing a different disease. The treatment for that false disease ended up killing the tyrant, of which Chase was well aware. And now they have to do a presentation about it without revealing that they intentionally killed him. Whoops!

House and the gang run through the gamut of diagnoses for the little boy: brain cancer, stomach dancer, abdominal epilepsy, and finally realize that it's an incurable, obscure disease. The boy has little more than a day left to live. After House makes this reveal, Mr. Sad signs some papers that somehow bankrupt his vast fortune. I didn't even know you could do that. He's convinced that his good fortune in business has created bad karma for his family life, killing his son.

Meanwhile, Thirteen has decided to leave the country and head to Thailand for an unspecified amount of time. But on her way to the airport, it turns out her airline ticket has been mysteriously canceled! Who could it be? She confronts House, Foreman, House again, and no one has any idea who it could have been. Ooooh, spooky.

Finally, she finds out that the cancellation came from Wilson's computer's IP address, and confronts him. He fesses up to it, but then turns around and tells House that it actually wasn't him! OooOOOOoohhhh.

While making a Grinch reference during this discussion with Wilson (something about a heart three sizes too small), House realizes that his previous diagnosis was wrong, and the little boy has a treatable heart condition. He changes the course of treatment, and the boy makes a miraculous recovery. The father is convinced that the son's health is a byproduct of selling off his vast assets, to which House rolls his eyes dramatically.

And then, another mystery! Foreman has discovered that they can't cover up the president's true cause of death after a wild fluctuation of cholesterol (caused by the introduction of a cadaver's blood into his body) is obvious in his charts. With no other alternative, Foreman decides he'll come clean and tell the truth about what happened. Chase is very nervous.

But then! Someone has mysteriously placed an old prescription for high doses of cholesterol drugs in the president's file, as his old doctor had been trying to raise the president's HDL. Now, his murder will successfully be covered up! But who found the old prescription and put it in the file? OoooooOOOOOOoooooohhhhhhh.

Well, turns out it was House on both counts. He hacked into Wilson's computer and deleted Thirteen's reservation, as well as found out about Chase killing the president and how to conveniently cover it up. Oh, House, you old ghoul!

Glee - Mash Ups, or So Much Will Shuster

2009-10-24T13:27:00.004-04:00

The tables have turned at William McKinley High School! Quinn and Finn are no longer A-list, Puck and Rachel have a fling, and Sue Sylvester is nice!

Turns out that, since Finn is part of glee club, his football buddies have turned on him and now slosh him with Slushee's every time he walks by. Since Finn has been incapacitated by corn syrup in the eye, he can't take the lead on a new song that Will has proposed be the base of the mash up (get it?) for their sectional diddy. The answer? Will himself must sing and dance his way through it.

In fact, this entire episode was pretty much a vehicle for Will to get in some singing and dancing time. Not only did he rap through "Bust a Move", he also sang and danced to "The Thong Song", had a duet with Sue to "Sing, Sing, Sing", and danced with Emma to "I Could Have Danced All Night". Of course, all these seemingly spontaneous dance numbers were totally necessary and explained in the course of the plot.

"The Thong Song" occurred when Emma and Ken ask Will to help them create a (wait for it) mash up of their two favorite songs, and teach them how to dance. Ken's song of choice is, of course, "The Thong Song", so there's a great sequence with Emma in a Princess Diana-style wedding dress and Will singing and dancing all around her, while she stands prone.

Ken walks in on their merry-making and has finally reached the last straw of the Emma-Will flirtation. To punish Will, he makes all the guys on both football team and glee club choose which extracurricular to pursue, once and for all.

Meanwhile, we get a glimpse into Puck's home life. Turns out his real name is Noah Puckerman, and his mother compares him to the Nazis while berating him for not dating any nice Jewish girls. Well, turns out Puck does know a nice Jewish girl: Rachel!

The two start dating, much to the chagrin of both Quinn and Finn, due to their crushes on Puck and Rachel, respectively. I'm truly glad that the writers have figured out that Rachel Berry is totally hot, and also that Puck sang an awesome rendition of "Sweet Caroline" as a tribute to a great Jewish American song writer.

Abruptly, we find ourselves watching a swing dance sequence with Will and Sue. After their dance, Sue explains that she's letting Quinn stay on the cheerleading squad out of pity (which explains that she's still wearing that ridiculous outfit all the time) and she's given up her hate of glee club. Why? Turns out she's started dating the TV anchor of the evening news, on which she sometimes contributes for a segment called Sue's Corner. Apparently, love makes Sue into a new, generous person, who is also an awesome swing dancer.

Will confronts Ken about making the kids choose between glee and football, which reveals that Ken knows all about Emma's obsession with Will. Will admits that he hasn't done anything to quell Emma's love, and promises that Ken won't have to worry about Will anymore. But, Ken still keeps up the dueling clubs, holding a mandatory football practice during glee's rehearsal time. Jerk!

The next dance number is Emma and Will dancing to "I Could Have Danced All Night" with Emma taking the lead! I don't know why I was surprised that she could sing as well, as I should have realized that singing and dancing skills were probably a prerequisite to audition. Anyway, they dance (with her in a much better dress) and it's beautiful. Will can't stay long, though, as he has to determine which of the football guys will choose glee at 3:30.

After much anticipation, all the football guys choose glee, except Finn! Now, they don't have enough members for sectionals, and the club must disband. To add insult to injury, the football team forces Finn to hurl a Slushee at Kurt, or face a beatdown. Finn Hamlets it up, being wishy washy while waving the Slurpee in Kurt's face. Finally, Kurt forcibly takes the Slushee from him and showers himself. Why? Because he's taking one for the team. "Now get out of here," Kurt says, grape slush dripping from his face, "and take some time to think about whether any of your friends on the football team would have done that for you."

Oh, Kurt! Apparently, Finn really did take some time and think about it, because he pleads with Coach Ken to let all the kids participate in both clubs, and Ken relents.

So, is everything now back to normal? Well, not exactly. After walking in on her new beau making out with his co-anchor, Sue is devastated, and takes her anger out on the kids. She's back to demanding set lists from Will and impulsively kicks Quinn off the Cheerios. In the final scene, we see Quinn donning normal human apparel, about which she is devastated, for some reason. The episode closes with all the glee members sloshing Will with a Slushee, for unclear reasons. But it was cute.

One lingering question, and I don't know if I've raised it before, but the writers really have to get on this soon. How on earth is Tracy going to make a baby swap if she's already "showing" (quotation marks because it's all padding) and Quinn's belly is flat as a board? Will she have to tell Will that he can't see the baby for however many months until Quinn actually gives birth? And please, Glee writers, don't do the thing where Quinn suddenly sprouts a belly overnight.

That aside, this episode was pretty fantastic. It's everything we want from Glee: singing, dancing, making out, breaking up, and hilarious one-liners. My favorite from this week came from Ken Tanaka: "I had a monster case of Athlete's Foot a couple years back and I got all my toenails removed, so if she steps on my feet during the dance I might pass out." Brilliant.

Dexter - Dex Takes a Vacation, or Cheating = Death

2009-10-24T12:17:00.003-04:00

This week, Dexter reminded us what it was like when Dex was a loner - on his own schedule, able to play wicked cool mind games with killers, and being generally awesome. But at the end, we saw that Dexter really has changed, and is fully committed to his family.

The frame of the episode is that Rita and the kids are off to a vague relative's wedding, leaving Dexter alone for a precious 72 hours. He uses this time to stalk a female cop who killed her husband and young daughter. She set up the crime scene like a drug dealer had invaded her home looking for retribution, even shooting herself to make it seem more realistic. But, when Dexter uncovers the blue gloves she wore in her garbage disposal, he's convinced it was her.

But a twist! Zoe, the cop, realizes that Dexter is stalking her, and takes matters into her own hands. At first, Dexter is nervous, but then realizes that he can use her zeal for killing against her, luring her to his own house, then bringing the kill. While wrapped in cellophane, Zoe makes the standard plea that she's innocent, and then tries to rationalize her killing spree by saying that Dexter is just like her. He realizes in that moment that he truly does love his family, that they're more than a cover for his dark deeds, then stabs her. Beautiful.

Meanwhile, Deb and Lundy continue their awkward flirtation, all while poor, sweet Anton looks on sadly. Lundy actually has an encounter with Trinity, and Lundy takes note that he's sort of a weird dude. Deb and Lundy end up reigniting their affair, but as Deb makes her way to her car after the whoopie-making, an unknown assailant shoots them and takes Lundy's wallet, probably killing Lundy but leaving Deb seriously wounded.

End of episode.

Wow. So, first off, I realized this episode the folly of having the season's serial killer be a dude who only kills three people at a time. They're going to have to space this out a ton, especially after having the first two be killed within the first three episodes. Trinity has clearly staked out his next victim, which we saw this week, but how long can they have him wait to kill him before it gets boring? Then what - we just see the police trying to find him? Based on his MO, it looks like Trinity just skips down after the third kill, just to repeat it in a different city. Does this mean that we'll see Dex and the gang take the show on the road? Dexter: Tulsa? I'm pretty curious to see how they'll make this work for the rest of the season.

And seriously, Lundy is dead now?! Does this mean that Deb will pick up his mantle and take over the Trinity investigation? Also, Dexter writers gave us a pretty clear message on their view of cheating this week, that can be summed up as cheating = death. But if Lundy is actually dead, Deb may never have to fess up to her diversion and reconnect with Anton. We'll see, dear readers, we'll see.

Results of the Poll, and an Update

2009-10-23T10:21:00.003-04:00

Hey gang,

So, Liz Lemon, eh? Good choice. Side note: I've never understood 30's Rock characterization of Liz as an ugly duckling that can never get a date. I mean, come on.

But then, I looked at some vintage Tina, and found, well, these.

I think there's a lesson in there somewhere about the power of makeup and lighting, but I choose to believe that Tina's sheer talent willed her body to hotness.

Anyway, I'm getting close to being a full week behind, but have no fear, I'm not doing much this weekend, so it will be catch up time.

I hope you're all enjoying the autumnal weather!

Mad Men - The Color Blue, or Peggy and Paul's Excellent Adventure

2009-10-20T20:45:00.004-04:00

Memo to Don: get a safe deposit box!

But before we get to that big reveal, I want to talk about the fractured morality tale that went on between Paul Kinsey and Peggy Olson. It was great to see Peggy in her element, without the shadow of Pete lurking over her. However, we caught a deeply depressing glimpse into Peggy's psyche when she replied, "He hates me," after an accusation that she was Don's favorite. He doesn't hate you, Peggy! You remind him of himself! Someday you'll platonically run away together and start your own ad agency!

We saw Pete's absurd jealousy that Peggy developed one of his ideas into a usable format, and then it became perfectly clear why Paul needs a little help in the idea department. Although he pictures himself an avant garde intellectual, Paul is secretly an icky, procrastinating layabout who does things in offices that no person should ever do in any office no matter what time of the day it is. Throughout this montage of disgusting, we saw clips of Peggy, also working late, though diligently and politely. She even excused herself for a burp in an empty room. Adorable!

In the morning, the industrious ant succeeded again after Peggy struck gold on an off-hand comment of Paul's. That'll teach you, Mr. Tiger Tones!

When Don wasn't at the office, critiquing ads (like it was his job or something), he continued his absurd affair with Little Miss Sunshine, Susan Farell. Ugh. Susan's epileptic brother was in town, and Don took a strange liking to the little schemer, and essentially helped him con his sister out of $300. I'm not sure that if the message of their whole interlude was that, like women, African Americans, Jews, and pretty much everyone that wasn't Don Draper, epileptics had it tough in the 60's, so they had to scrape by however they could, or if this guy was just another con artist who managed to scam Don. Regardless, Miss Farell continues to be cloyingly sweet and annoying. She's also taken a shine to the classic stoner philosophical question of, "Dude, what if, like, the color that I see as blue, isn't what you see as blue. What if it's, like, yellow, or something. Whooooaaaa." Give me a break.

Back at the Draper household, where Don spends less and less time, we added another name to the privileged few who know about Don's secret identity - one Elizabeth Draper. Betty was still recovering from the malaise left in the aftermath of the Rome trip when Don's secret drawer key was found spinning round and round in the tumble cycle. Another good reason to do your own laundry.

First off, I've always had trouble with the "Betty doesn't know" conceit on which this whole thing is based. Sure, everyone was repressed in the 60's, but not asking where your husband's family was? Not being suspicious that you never met a single member of them? I can only imagine that conversation:

"And where are your parents now, Don?"

"They're dead. All dead. Everyone. No use asking any more questions about them, as they all died in a horrible fire and their remains were unidentifiable."

"Oh, okay, then."

Anyhow, Bets chose not to confront Don about his former life (including a Californian first wife - what will the neighbors say!), and instead, passively aggressively almost make him late for his big celebratory dinner.

But, he arrives in time, and the credits roll as Don gives what I'm sure was an rousing (Churchill rousing, not Hitler rousing, of course) speech on the past, present, and future of the ad agency.

P.S. Turns out Lois still works at Sterling Cooper, although she's been demoted to Paul's desk! So, just to recap: not giving in to coerced gay sex: fired. Run over a dude's foot with a John Deere: not fired. Damn.

The Office - Mafia, or Meh-fia

2009-10-19T21:07:00.004-04:00

Well, Oscar said it best: "Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between sane and others."

This week, "the others" reigned supreme in the office, convincing Michael that an Italian-American insurance salesman was a mob enforcer come to shake down their little empire. Despite Oscar's best efforts, neither Pam nor Jim came to the rescue with rationalism, so wacky antics ensued. After deciding that they're being hit up by the mob, Michael, Dwight, and Andy go out to lunch (at an Italian restaurant, of course) with Mr. Grotti to determine his intentions. Michael becomes so scared of Mr. Grotti's perceived threats that he folds, and signs an expensive insurance plan so that the mob doesn't burn his warehouse down or drive one of his trucks off the road.

Michael is so upset about the new insurance plan, he calls Jim on his honeymoon in Puerto Rico for advice. In the only funny part of this episode, Jim pulls off the classic phone trick of pretending the phone is static-y and cutting out during the most important part of what he has to say. "All you're gonna need to-" Jim says, "ba-...ge-...and then go to th-...ye-...and you'll be saved." Call ended. Brilliant. Even when Jim isn't there, he's still fantastic.

After a severe round of buyer's remorse, Dwight and Andy feel bad that they convinced Michael that Mr. "Grotti" was, in fact, a thin cover for a certain other infamous Italian name, and tell Michael that, after extensive research, they've determined he isn't a mobster, but a harmless salesman. Michael then rudely cancels his insurance, and makes some veiled threats of his own. Dwight and Andy reveal that they think Mr. Grotti is still a member of organized crime, so Michael is sure to be killed.

Also in the office, Kevin has discovered the joys of Jim's new office, and taken it as his own during Jim's vacation. When Jim's credit card company calls to verify his identity (because his card is being used in Central America), Kevin accidentally impersonates Jim and has the credit card cancelled.

So, with any hope, this will mean our heroes will be back soon, so they can level out the crazy.

30 Rock - Season 4, or Jay Leno Smackdown

2009-10-18T13:03:00.007-04:00

30 Rock has always straddled the line between fiction and reality, taking place at a real TV channel, but with fake shows, a real parent company, but fake employees, etc., etc. At the start of this season, 30 Rock continues to bend reality, mixing fact and fiction.

The episode opens with Jack breaking the fourth wall and welcoming us all to Season 4...the restaurant! Turns out that TGS has lost touch with "real" America, so Jack takes them to Season 4 for a sampling of real American cuisine - namely, Cheesy Blasters, some god-awful hybrid of Hot Pockets and Pizza Rolls. Jack says they need to get back to their roots. So, Jenna goes country and sings a diddy about NBC Tennis coverage. That always helps. Jack also tells Liz to hire a new cast member, presumably someone more "real".

Back in the studio, we learn that GE has cut overtime for pages, much to Kenneth's chagrin. He's willing to take one for the team, until he mistakenly receives Jack's paycheck rather than his own. "So many zeros..." he says, before rushing to Jack's office to demand an explanation. If there's no money for overtime, how can he have such an extravagant paycheck? Jack tries to explain, but falls into a trap when he reveals that this check was actually a bonus. Then, there's no stopping Kenneth, who leads the pages in a strike.

Liz and Pete start sneaking around, going to comedy clubs to find the next cast member, while trying to keep it a secret from the cast and crew. This, of course, fails miserably, as they cop to having an affair, rather than revealing the truth. Of course, Pete's wife walks in, tries to start up a weird menage e trois situation, and the truth comes out. Josh quits, and Jenna and Tracy join the page strike. Also joining the page strike are a union of mall Santas, and a federation of bucket drummers.

Now, with most everyone part of the strike, and the efforts of Lenny Wosniak to find dirt on Kenneth amounting to nil, the only choice is for Jack to concede, and write "I am a big ole liar" on a piece of paper for Kenneth, ending the strike. Roll credits.

But wait! If you stick around through the credits, you see a glimpse of Jack and Liz watching Jenna's "Tennis Night in America" video, complete with Confederate flag undies, exploding 18-wheelers, and the lines, "Got my lawn chair in my truck/Not an ocean in sight,/So kiss my ass, New York/'cuz it's Tennis Night!" Liz concedes that she hates that she kind of likes it, to which Jack replies, "There's nothing wrong with being fun and popular and just giving people what they want." Then, Jack, with no pretense of an in-show justification, turns to us and says, "Ladies and Gentlemen, Jay Leno."

OH, SNAP. To take an entire episode predicated on elitism, and have it culminate in a pot shot to Jay Leno was a pretty bold move, and a departure from the deftly created "fake" NBC that 30 Rock so rarely parts with. Obviously, the audience of 30 Rock departs so fully from the type of viewers who love Jay Leno and Confederate flags, that they felt safe bringing this smackdown. But dang, Tina Fey, that's pretty cold.

Overall, the episode was a good opener, and introduced some good conflict to deal with in upcoming episodes, presuming that they follow through with finding a new castmember.

I'm interested to see how 30 Rock deals with their precarious real/fake balance in future episodes, considering the imminent takeover of NBC by Comcast. How can Jack be a GE employee if GE no longer owns NBC? Will they pretend the whole thing never happened? Introduce a whole new cast of characters? And how will the new parent company react to being satirized on the Emmy-winning sitcom?

Whatever happens, I'm confident it will be silly, funny, and relevant.

Glee - Throwdown, or Baby Drizzle

2009-10-17T23:39:00.005-04:00

What happens when you take militaristic discipline and team it with warm, curly-haired compassion? A pretty wonderful episode of Glee.

Granted, I was on a lot of cold medication at the time, but I was hooked from the slo-mo verbal joust sequence. And the bit about warring voice-overs? Self-referentially priceless.

This week, Sue Sylvester became co-chair of New Directions, and, to pit the kids against one another and destroy the club, she chose all the minority students to form a club within the club, called Sue's Kids. Let's just gloss over the fact that she doesn't choose Rachel, who is both Indian and Jewish, to be one of her minions.

In order to get back at her, Will goes into the trenches of psychological warfare and flunks all the Cheerios, with good reason. Best line of the episode, "She misspelled her name!" Sue flips out about the decimation of her cheer squad, and tries to blackmail the principal into firing Will. This does not work, and Sue is really mad.

In the land of teenagers, that creepy guy who's obsessed with Rachel apparently has a blog, and is about to out Quinn's pregnancy. The dude goes to Rachel for confirmation, and, in order for him not to run the story, Rachel gives him a pair of her panties. Gross, and definitely not high school appropriate. She tells Finn about it, and he promises to make it up to her. She swoons.

Finn's mind, however, is on more pressing issues. Specifically, he's taken up his fatherhood role with gusto, going to ultrasounds and suggesting baby names. Well, just one name, actually, but the best baby name of all time: Drizzle. Yep, like when it's only a little raining, but you don't need an umbrella. Oh, Finn. This puts Quinn in a tizzy, and she reiterates that she will be giving the baby up for adoption, and Finn has no say in the matter. Finn is sad.

So, without the minority students, Will is left with Rachel (inexplicably), Quinn, and Finn to sing "No Air". During their meager performance, Sue starts to leave in a huff, and the titular Throwdown begins. Sue accuses Will of having stupid hair, and Will accuses Sue of not caring about the children and being a bad teacher. All members of the club (minority and non) then walk out, refusing to be a part of such dysfunction.

For some unknown reason, this strikes a chord with Sue, who realizes that it's better if she steps down from New Directions, so they will grow, learn, and win at sectionals. "Because when I coach them, and they win, I win," she says, as though that explains everything. Yeah, what? When did her major objective not becoming destroying the glee club just for fun? It's unclear, but I think she still has something up her sleeve.

But, in a parting shot before her final exit from New Directions, Sue reveals that she knows Quinn is pregnant. How? During locker sweeps, she ran across Rachel's underthings in creepy dude's locker, who spilled the beans. Because she was so upset that Quinn hadn't come to her first, Sue told him to run the story.

Oooh, sick burn! So, now Quinn will finally get to wear some clothes other than that dopey cheerleading uniform, and will learn who her real friends are. My bet? The people in New Directions, and no one else.

P.S. There was also a sub-sub plot about Terri continuing her baby charade, and blackmailing her obstetrician to perform a fake ultrasound with Will in the room and reveal that the baby is actually a girl (because that's what Quinn's baby is). Will cried from happiness, and Terri continues to be a terrible person.

House - The Tyrant, or Nooo, James Earl Jones is a genocidal dictator!

2009-10-14T20:00:00.002-04:00

That's right, folks, you heard it here first: this week on House, James Earl Jones is an African warlord bent on the destruction of the Sutibi, a fictional ethnic group in a fictional African dictatorship. When James Earl Jones comes to America to speak at the UN, he's served a subpoena that makes him vomit blood. Yeah, that's what you get when you come to America, bitches!

Anyway, he's taken to the diagnostics team to figure out what's wrong. Foreman has been joined by Cameron and Chase, since Talb quit and Thirteen was fired. House is also back, up to his old tricks. They try all sorts of different procedures, each one not working, while each member of the team realizes just how bad this dude truly is. It becomes a Hippocratic Oath question of whether or not they can, in good conscience, treat someone who will most likely be responsible for the genocide of hundreds of thousands.

NO, you guys, NO. Do NOT treat the genocidal tyrant! Let him die, because he's a bad dude. There. Done. But no, they have to draw it out in this whole existential crisis, what does it mean to be a doctor bull crap for about thirty minutes. Ugh.

Meanwhile, House is having a feud with Wilson's downstairs neighbor because House is too loud, with the cane and all. The neighbor is a cranky old Vietnam war vet who lost his right hand. House goes on an amusing adventure, trying to prove that the guy's a faker, by determining that he has private (not veterans') insurance and proudly displays a Canadian flag on his wall. Turns out he did serve, with Canada, as part of the peace-treaty enforcing group that went over in the late 70's. None of this matters, really, except that House was wrong.

Of course, this cannot stand unrectified, so House pulls a Dexter and sticks the dude with a sedative then ties him up. However, he does not go the full Dexter and brutally murder him, but rather, uses some physical therapy tricks to get the dude to relax his (phantom) right hand, thus solving all the dude's anger issues. Problem solved!

Back at the hospital, they still haven't figured out what's wrong with old Dictator McGee, Foreman is all mopey because Thirteen's still mad at him, then the dude goes and dies. Dies! Without his case being solved! A-jigga-what? How can this be?

Turns out that Chase injected Tyrant McTyrant with someone else's blood to make it look like he had a disease that he really didn't have, so he then died when they carried out that treatment. Ooooh, sick burn! But then they had to ruin it by Chase being all sad and mopey about sort-of killing him. They even had to hammer it home by having Tyrant Jr. (in school at Princeton, conveniently) stop by and cry over poor old papa's dead corpse. Whatever. If you're ever going to medically kill a dude, this was the time. Stop bitching.

Maybe it's because I'm not as familiar with them (I started watching House only last season), but Cameron and Chase sort of bore me. They're all blond and happy, and have deep talks all the time. Blech. I really want Talb and Thirteen back, but that's looking like more and more of a long shot. Perhaps I will grow to love the blond twins, but in the interim, the only course of action is to mock them mercilessly.

Mad Men - Wee Small Hours, or Booooring!

2009-10-14T18:31:00.002-04:00

Don and the gang were equal parts obscure and boring this week, and the episode seemed to linger on the most obvious and trite parts of the series, while flitting past the interesting characters and plot points.

First off, the dual affairs with Henry Francis and Miss Farell (Betty and Don, respectively) were played out weeks ago. I am ready to move on from these two bit guest stars. I really wanted Betty to just use and lose old Henry Francis, but no, she has to start an awkward flirtation/correspondence that fizzles just when things start to get interesting. What do you want, Betty? To just talk to the guy?

Speaking of just talking, the extended wordplay between Don and Miss Farell was headed to such an obvious place - why did we need to spend all that time getting there? The scene where Don gives her a ride (dude, she's running, hence exercise? oh, nevermind) on his way to work could have been half as long and twice as effective. We get that she's progressive - we don't need to hear tripe like, "I think [the children] already know," about Martin Luther King and the struggle for integration. No, they don't - they're seven. At least with her earlier banter, there was a question of whether or not she would give in. She clearly sees right through Don and his shenanigans, but was content to fall into his arms at the end of the episode. Boring!

While wasting time on these bits of fluff, the episode ignored both the formation of the Hilton ad campaign and Sal's emerging identity as a homosexual. I've been aching for the writers to show us more of the actual ad agency, not the domestic bits that surround it. We finally get a chance to glimpse into the mind of a brilliant ad exec, but all the writers of Mad Men throw us are an early scene where Don shoots everything down, then the final presentation. But how did we get from there to here, guys? That's what I want to know! And what is the deal with Connie Hilton? He wanted the moon? Really? And because Don doesn't give it to him on the first go around, he's going to walk out of Sterling Coop in a huff? Man, you guys don't need that drama. Focus on Lucky Strike, or something. Oh, wait...

The other big Sterling cash cow is also about to hoof it out the door, after Sal rejects the advances of Lee Garner Jr. Before we get to anything else, I have to say that gaydar in the 60's must have been a powerful thing, but I caught no whiff of homosexuality in any of Sal's actions the entire episode, and yet Lee is forward enough to give him a pectoral massage without so much as a "Hello, sailor"? I guess I'll just have to trust Mad Men on that one.

Anyway, then Sal got fired because he rejected Lee's advances. I was shocked that Don was so dismissive of Sal, considering that he knew about Sal's tendencies before, and swept any suggestion of judgment under the rug. Couldn't Don have kept Sal's secret safe like he did Peggy's in the first/second season? Don, your managerial skills are going down the drain.

So, first Joan, now Sal. My two favorite Sterling Coop employees are employees no more. And what's left? Pete? Ugh. Although Ken Cosgrove somehow still has a job after enabling a foot mow-down (to which Roger made a nice homage this week).

I'll allow one off-week, Mad Men, but I expect better next time. You best bring your A game.

Results of the Poll!

2009-10-14T18:29:00.001-04:00

Thanks to all who voted! It looks like Vampire Bill reigns supreme this week. Who can resist flashback hair? I submit: no one.

I'll set to work crafting a new poll for the upcoming week, and I expect everyone to participate!

Dexter - Blinded by the Light, or Batman Dexter!

2009-10-12T18:28:00.002-04:00

Man, that Trinity Killer, huh? I always knew John Lithgow was a tricky one.

This week, Dexter's plate was a little less full, focusing mainly on finding that darned vandal in his neighborhood and tracking down the Trinity Killer. Apparently, the dark passenger has had his fill for right now.

First off, vandalism. After the community has banded together against broken windows, spray painted fences, and a car rolled into someone's yard, they form a neighborhood watch committee. This, of course, is highly inconvenient for Dexter, who relies on the cover of night to go about his dark business. He doesn't really care about the vandal, but he needs to find him so the neighbors will dismantle their neighborhood watch and high-beamed motion sensing lights. The obvious suspect is the no-good drum playing adolescent down the street, that Aster conveniently also has a crush on. This dude gives drummers a bad name, banging on anything he can get his hands on, all while using poor form. If nothing else, that guy deserve a Dexter beat down for that alone.

After Dexter ties the deadbeat's fingerprints on a discarded spray paint can to an empty soda can, it seems the case is closed. To convince him never to vandalize again, Dexter decides he'll dress up as a cat burglar and scare the living daylights out of him. Really, Dexter? You're not just going to use the hard evidence you gathered and tell your neighbors, so appropriate channels will be taken and justice served? You're going vigilante on this one? Well, okay.

Back at the station, everyone is still tracking the vacation murderer, as well as trying to solve the Lisa Bell case, and the new Trinity killing. Batista and LaGuerta concoct some wacky story to continue their forbidden liaison on company time, but end up almost getting shot by the suspect! Now they have to account for the lost time on their report. A flat tire, eh? We'll see how far that gets them.

With Lundy back, Debra is going through some weird angsty stuff about her relationship with Anton. Lundy's flirting with her, she's flirting back. This will not end well! Plus, don't you guys have a serial killer to catch?

Quinn also gives some attitude about stealing some money from a crime scene, saying he's not crooked, and Dexter doesn't understand, blah, blah, blah. He's also leaking information to that reporter he's seeing, which I'm sure will come back to bite him in the ass. Come to think of it, why is this guy not fired?

In Dexter world, after almost being mistaken as the vandal himself by the neighborhood watch (oops!), Dexter strikes out a different night, and takes it to the supposed vandal's house. But when Dexter breaks in to his room, the kid is asleep. Who could it be? Turns out it was his dad, Andy! You see, Andy's wife just died, he was laid off from his job, his son's a jerk, and the bank is about to take his house. So, Andy retaliated by harming his innocent neighbors' property. Dexter confronts him in Andy's garage and puts on an awesome Batman growly voice and tells him never to vandalize the neighborhood again. While Batman would never threaten to cut Andy's head off and stick it in a bag - "I already have the bag," Dexter says ominously - it's pretty effective. So, Andy and son will move out of town and the vandalism will stop.

But, in a final act of rage against the invasion of his privacy, Dexter breaks the high-beam security lights his next door neighbor has installed. Unbeknownst to Dex, Rita is standing behind him on their stoop watching him destroy his neighbor's property. It'll fun watching you talk your way out of this one, Dexter!

Parks and Recreation - Practice Date, or oh God, I'm so glad I'm not single

2009-10-11T15:56:00.002-04:00

This week, Parks and Recreation finally got off their high horse and provided us with some down home comedy fun. Of course, it still poked some topical fun at political sex scandals in its secondary story.

The main event was Leslie getting ready for her first date with Policeman Dave. After her litany of terrible past first date incidents (sleeve fire, attempted tooth-pulling, him showing up with another woman), I was reminded why I am so glad to not be on the dating scene. My own experience combined with friends' hilariously bad first dates really made this episode resonate for me. Who hasn't worried that they'll accidentally pop Ambien instead of a Tic Tac and have to spend the night punching their own leg to stay awake? Okay, maybe not, but I think we've all had some wacky anxieties when it comes to dates.

Anyway, to get over her paralyzing fear, Leslie goes out on a practice date with Ann. After Ann realizes how terribly nervous Leslie is, she pulls out a psychological trick to show her that even if it goes as bad as you think it will, it still won't be that bad. Well, it works, and Leslie and Ann go out to a bar confident that the date will be a hit. Leslie is so self-assured that she shows up at Policeman Dave's house in the middle of the night completely wasted. For unclear reasons, Policeman Dave is cool with this, and still agrees to go out with her. Except, now that they've shared weird drunken time together, the dinner on Friday will now be their second date! Crisis averted by Leslie's bumbling! Hilarious.

The other story this week stemmed from a local politician who had a fourway in a cave in Brazil (I wish real life was that cool). The gang then decides to find out who has the most dirt in their past by doing recon on each other. Some hilarious tidbits come to life, especially that Tom's hot wife married him for a greencard, and the boss is secretly a jazz saxaphonist. One office worker, Greg, desperately does not want to play the game. Of course, all his secrets come out: he had plastic surgery, was arrested for public peeing, and is adopted (that one was a surprise to him as well).

I'm glad that the writers are lightening up on the "serious issues" episodes, and focusing more on the great characters they've crafted. Overall, I've been impressed this season, and I look forward to more shenanigans!

Parks and Recreation - Beauty Pageant, or Female Empowerment

2009-10-11T15:20:00.003-04:00

Sorry I'm behind, dudes! I was going to combine the this with the latest episode, but I was too full of commentary not to let it stand alone.

Parks and Recreation continues their string of issues episodes, this week tackling female empowerment. Usually, I'm not wild about TV that's about things, as I'm more interested in the characters and good jokes. I felt that Parks and Recreation got away with it in the last two episodes because they were subtle and funny, but this week may have been a bit heavy handed. Let me explain:

We start the episode with Policeman Dave asking Leslie out on a date. She's enthusiastic...until Dave mistakes the picture of Madeleine Albright by her desk with her grandmother. She also doesn't recognize Condoleeza Rice, Nancy Pelosi, or Michelle Obama. Needless to say, Leslie becomes more vague about their romantic prospects after this little revelation.

Then, Leslie judges a beauty pageant, that old stand by for showcasing how far women still have to come for equality. Leslie advocates for Susan, an accomplished and average looking young woman, as the next Miss Pawnee, but Tom and the other judges are strongly in favor of Trish, the Megan Fox lookalike who's talent at "batons" is a glorified strip tease. Trish wins the competition, much to Leslie's chagrin.

But then, Policeman Dave shows up to the beauty pageant, re-asking Leslie out. Again, she hedges, but gives Leslie her number. It's only after he mistakes Trish for a man that Leslie puts on a wry smile. Leslie schedules the date for next Friday, and Dave rattles off some Wikipedia knowledge on Nancy Pelosi.

The message is painfully obvious this week, and not all that funny, if you don't find hot women stripping hilarious. Leslie's consternation at everyone's insistence on Trish's supremacy is slightly funny, in that you know how futile it is, but overall, it's depressing in its truthfulness.

It was a well-crafted episode, but Parks and Recreations writers, can we please stop learning about very important issues for awhile and get back to the funny?

The Office - Niagara, Parts 1 and 2, or Forever

2009-10-11T14:35:00.002-04:00

Well, it's finally over - the one thing that kept me interested in The Office. No, I'm kidding, but it's a bold sitcom move to actually relent and have the two main love interests tie the knot. It usually signals the end of a series, as writers love to pull out the "will they or won't them" ad infinitum. But good for The Office, for actually following a semi-plausible love story to its foreseeable conclusion.

This week, we saw the whole office take a road trip up to Niagara to celebrate the nuptials of Pam and Jim. There were antics, of course, including Michael not having a room, Kevin wearing a hairpiece and losing his shoes, and Andy puncturing his scrotum. It was a maelstrom of stress for the happy couple, and everything culminated when Pam accidentally tore her veil. They'd had enough, and left the ceremony waiting for an hour until they returned. Then, the bridal party (and some of the guests) recreated the YouTube sensation of the summer.

Now, onto the specifics. First off, Pam's sister is played by none other than Ms. Sarah Newlin of True Blood. Delightful. Also, Oscar's indignation at the assumption that Kevin was Gil, his boyfriend, was hilarious for Oscar's over the top indignation. Andy's futile flirtation with Erin still continues, though they had a tender moment when Erin offered Andy her shawl to cushion his damaged scrotum.

Although there were moments of goofiness, the overall theme stuck with last week's insistence on lovey-dovey, ooey-gooey sappiness, especially Jim's rehearsal dinner speech. We all know you've loved Pam since you met her, Jim. Wouldn't it have been more interesting to show a few moments of doubt? Some true anxiety? Oh well. The most interesting part of the rehearsal dinner was Jim's spilling of the pregnancy beans in front of Pam's ultra-conservative Memaw. I was certain that the writers would go with the obvious choice of Michael blurting out something inappropriate (well, some else inappropriate, I should say), but I like that it was Jim's fault. Also, Michael's convincing Memaw to still come to the ceremony was equal parts adorable and manipulative. Let's see if they really name the baby Sylvia, or Sylvio.

I want to address the rip off of Jill and Kevin's wedding dance entrance. I can imagine the writers watching it over the summer and asking, "Will it be too soon? Will people be sick of this already? You know what, Michael wouldn't care, and neither do we." Although it didn't appear that Michael organized it, you know it's something he really loved. Finally, I was slightly confused by the closing montage. Did Jim and Pam go on the boat and get married before the ceremony or after? Why did they need to have two ceremonies at all, since I assume that after the dancing, they completed the wedding in the church? Oh well.

The obvious question throughout all of this is: what's next for Jim and Pam? Sure, The Office has had them living in domestic bliss for about a season, but marriage is a whole new ball game. Will Pam become shrewish? Will Jim become lazy? Will we even care? I submit that the last question will prove the most difficult for the writers, so let's see how they rise to the challenge.

P.S. Just so you all don't think I'm a heartless wench, yes, I did tear up a little bit during the dancing/Niagara Falls montage. They're just so beautiful! Jim and Pam forever!

House - Epic Fail, or...you know what, you get to keep that title, because it's pretty badass

2009-10-11T12:40:00.002-04:00

We're back to the old format this week, catching a glimpse of a soon to be released video games and its developers taking it for a test drive. When the boss, a software engineer, comes down with searing hot pains in his hands, it's off to Princeton-Plainsboro Teaching Hospital for some good old diagnostic fun with Dr. House.

But wait! House has quit (yet again), and Foreman has replaced him as head of diagnostics. House says he needs to quit because the hospital reminds him of his old life and old habits, so he needs to break free and do something else. Although we all really know that House will be back eventually, because what's the point if he's not? Anyway, I guess I can play along with the charade.

It turns out software engineer guy is one of those "diagnose yourself" people in the WebMD vein and insists he has mercury poisoning. He doesn't of course, nor does he have a whole host of other diagnoses insisted upon by Foreman. The patient then posts his symptoms online and promises a $25,000 reward to anyone who can diagnose him. The internet suggests some random disease (you don't really care about its name, and I can't spell it), but that too turns out to be wrong.

By the way, throughout this whole thing, Foreman and Thirteen are dealing with Foreman's new promotion and how it changes the dynamic in their relationship. Thirteen is mad because Foreman is being bossy, and Foreman is mad because he's taking her medical critiques personally. It's a recipe for disaster.

Foreman has the magical music thing that happens when House solves a case, and rushes to the hospital to dramatically stop his earlier, incorrect course of treatment. Thirteen, however, has already figured out the same diagnosis. How? Turns out she checked some of the online diagnoses and someone had posted the correct one. Well, Foreman was pretty mad, and fired Thirteen so that they could save their relationship.

Meanwhile, House is adjusting to life at home. He tries cooking, at which he excels beautifully, but it doesn't take his mind off the leg pain long enough. Then, he goes back to his old apartment and stares meaningfully at an old bottle of Vicodin. Does he take them?

We then cut to Wilson and Cuddy being convinced that he did, since he's no longer bothered by leg pain, and making him pee into a cup. The test is negative for narcotics, so why has he made this miraculous discovery? Turns out he went online and solved his own case, which he views as a failure to remake his life. His therapist decides that maybe it's best for him to return to diagnostics, since that's the only thing that makes him feel better. Ta-da! Everything back to normal.

One final thought - the video game that the patient was designing, and that we see multiple shots of looks kind of amazing, and I really want to play it now.

Mad Men - Souvenir, or Kisses from Rome

2009-10-11T00:51:00.006-04:00

This week's episode was a case study in two relatively minor characters: Betty and Pete. While Betty saves the town reservoir and flits around Rome looking fabulous, Pete coerces a German au pair into sex, then feels really bad about it.

Let's start with Betty. This episode, she was all about using her lady powers, which is something I've always strongly endorsed, especially on Mad Men. After Harry from the governor's office helps her exacerbate government bureaucracy, she rewards him with a lingering kiss. But Betty was so uncomfortably during the whole thing, you could almost hear her counting out the seconds until it was safe to pull away. She gives him the cold shoulder, and drives home to her newly loving husband and increasingly disobedient kids. What to do? Fly to Rome, of course! There, Betty has a fabulously mod makeover, complete with bouffant, and her and Don play the "first date" game. For those of you not in long term relationships, it's sometimes fun to pretend to be strangers in a public place and relive the ritual of hooking up for the first time. What? Don't judge me.

Meanwhile, back in New York, Trudy is out of town for the August vacation (which, apparently, was a given in the 60's? Ah, nostalgia) and Pete is living the bachelor life. While this mostly consists of watching cartoons and falling asleep on the couch, Pete then picks up the German au pair next door by offering to replace a stained dress that the au pair borrowed from the lady of the house. At the department store, Pete runs into Mrs. Joan Harris (hooray!), who is just as fabulous and well-coiffed. Joan knows that the dress isn't Trudy's, and Pete knows that Joan doesn't want anyone from Sterling to find out she's downgraded to dress sales manager, so they reach a detente of mutual silence.

Pete then uses the favor he's done for the au pair to coerce her into sex. This scene was creepily parallel to the premiere, where Pete pulled the almost exact same moves on Ms. Peggy Olson. But, for some reason, after this new dalliance, Pete feels awful and confesses to Trudy. Well, not a real confession, but a 60's confession, where they both know and stare awkwardly at each other.

Even though Peggy wasn't in this episode, I found myself thinking a lot about the relationship of Pete and Peggy. I've never bought her interest in the slimy bastard, but he's always been smitten with her. I suppose it's easier for Pete to admit to a stupid one-night stand that resulted from loneliness than a full-blown love (and love child!) for another woman. I'm interested to see if Pete has learned his lesson and will stick to his own pastures, or if he'll follow Don's mold of temporary repentance, only to sin again.

Back to the Roman holiday. Like all other good and sexy things, the vacation ends, and the two find themselves trapped back in Ossining, facing the same crap they did before they left. Don handles this by distancing himself from the house, both physically and emotionally. Betty, however, must pick up the pieces and deal with her humdrum life, especially Sally's new aggressive behavior toward the little boys in the neighborhood, and I don't mean her penchant for punching.

In a rare moment of earnest parenting, Betty sits Sally down and explains, in her way, the importance of chastity. First kisses are important, she says, but you'll have a lot of them. Save them for someone who's worth it, because each subsequent kiss is a shadow of the first. Pretty heady stuff for someone under ten, but a worthwhile lesson. Betty is revitalized by reenacting her first kiss with Don, and Pete is punished for a highly inappropriate first, and hopefully last, kiss. The lesson? Use those kisses wisely, folks.

Bonus: Bert Cooper is vacationing in Montana! Who doesn't want to see a clip of that next week? He seems like the kind of guy who'd go to Bozeman, but we'll see.

Glee - Vitamin D, or The Terri Invasion

2009-10-10T16:50:00.002-04:00

This week's Glee episode followed the tried and true high-school dramady format of the "very special episode". The topic: stimulant abuse. Unlike the classic scare tactics of Saved by the Bell, the message of this week's episode was more along the lines of, "eh, you'll sing really well, and your mentally delayed supplier might be thrown in jail." Not exactly a cautionary tale for the ages, but it's fine.

Will strove to inject some excitement into New Directions by orchestrating a friendly competition between the boys and the girls to see who would decide the opening number at sectionals. Meanwhile, Terri caught wind of Will and Emma's flirtation (care of the despicable and amazing Sue Sylvester) and decided to fill the newly vacated school nurse position. When Finn complained of fatigue, Terri's answer is pseudophedrine. Before we get into the havoc this causes, I want to take a small moment to fawn over the Glee writers for why Finn is so sleepy. Basically, he's stressed: pregnant girlfriend, crush on someone else, captain of the football team, "glee stud", and, to top it all off, school! On any other show, sure, these would all be cause for some serious adolescent stress, but Glee undermines Finn's complaints by having him monologue this whole diatribe over a long shot of Finn playing video games. In Finn's words, "My mom said I was stretched too thin, so I gave up homework, but that didn't help." Glee sharply mocks the common theme of "life is hard for teenagers!" by showing that really, if he wasn't such a layabout slacker, he would probably be fine.

ANYWAY, Terri gave Finn an upper, who then shared it with the other dudes in New Directions so they could perform an awesome mashup of "It's My Life" by Bon Jovi and "Confessions" by Usher. They were pretty great.

Rachel caught on that they were using performance enhancing substances, so got in on the game with a prescription by Nurse Terri, then performed a slightly less exciting mashup about sunshine. Vitamin D, get it! Like the name of the episode!

After the two performances, and Will being totally clueless as to why everyone was so energetic all of a sudden, the principal catches on to the prescription abuse (after poor Howard Bamboo gets taken down by the Feds), and fires Terri. That wouldn't be so bad, but the shocker is that he decides the whole thing was Will's fault for instilling too much competitive spirit into the glee clubbers! Principal's solution? Make the one and only Sue Sylvester co-chair of New Directions.

Basically, I felt like this episode was both an endearing send up of the "after school" special format, as well as a big build up to New Directions under the coaching of Sue. You can tell that Glee is really excited about Sue co-chairing the club, since Hulu interrupted the usually scheduled commercial to show me a "next week on" clip, which they have never done.

Oh, and Emma is going to marry Ken Tanaka, because Terri intimidated her and gave probably the most rational reasoning she's exhibited thus far. The talk boiled down to, "Hey, Will's married. To me. So lay off, and marry the dude who wants to marry you, rather than chasing my dude. Capiche?" Emma did, in fact, capiche, though there were some seriously meaningful glances between Emma and Will after the proposal was accepted.

I'm looking forward to the reign of Coach Sylvester next week!

The Office - The Promotion, or Two Managers

2009-10-08T18:37:00.001-04:00

I got these two managers…

As someone who’s recently navigated the minefield of raises for a large staff, I am feeling Michael and Jim’s pain this week. But Jim and Michael, sweethearts, the key to HR is always secrecy, especially with money.

But, unfortunately, nobody offered this lesson in Management 101, so Jim and Michael bumbled through a reduced COLA (Cost of Living Adjustment, to all you non-office drones) for the staff. Should it be an across the board infinitesimal raise? Only for sales staff? Merit-based? All of these are good options, but in true The Office fashion, it was horribly, horribly mangled. After a standard 1.5% raise was shot down for no real reason, Jim presented the idea of a raise for only sales staff. Predictably, everyone was pretty upset, especially the non-sales folks.

In a fun twist, Dwight, who stood to profit from the biased raise, created the most uproar. Dwight’s ire stemmed from the fact that he believes he deserved Jim's promotion. He led a little revolt against his new manager with a William Wallace-style call to arms. The result? Mild mumbling and Dwight sadly slinking back to his desk.

The episode ended with Michael and Jim barricaded in Jim’s new office (which, by the way, I’m fairly certain the set dressers created out of nothing and want us to believe was there all along) with Jim’s brand new “World’s Best Boss” mug. Say it with me now – awwwwwww. Michael had a beautiful speech about how sharing the burden of tough office decisions made him overcome his anger at having to share the job. Well, when he said it, it was more emotional. Trust me.

The subplot this week was Pam asking for cold hard cash rather than wedding gifts. She had limited success, but experienced the joy of seeing “Mrs. Pam Halpert” written out for the first time. Again, folks – awwwwwww.

It was an oddly heart-warming episode, considering the subject matter and the ending. Pam was mad at Jim for not choosing her to receive a merit-based raise, no decision was reached for the COLAs, and Dwight is still out for Jim’s job, as well as his blood.

The ensuing saga of Michael and Jim working together will continue to be both hilarious and slightly gruesome to watch (if you’ve ever worked under an inept manager), but the general theme is that they’ll both help each other grow as leaders. And I’m really looking forward to that destination wedding in the romantic hot spot of Niagara Falls.

Dexter – Remains to be Seen, or Case of the Missing Jerk

2009-10-07T18:25:00.000-04:00

So much has happened to our friend Dexter since we saw him last! A new baby, a (relatively) loving marriage, and still, the old dark passenger along for the ride. Can Dexter have it all?

NO. It turns out that sleep deprivation and family stress make you a terrible serial killer. Even though I was dismayed by Dex’s sloppiness this week, (in the punching bag? Really?) I still find myself drawn to the intrigue. It’s not unlike the car crash from this week – it’s going to be gruesome, but I can’t look away.

Dexter, not unlike that other cable serial (get it – serial?) True Blood, occupies a precarious situation because of its history as a novel series. Why is it that they don’t deal with the rabid fans of other books like Harry Potter and Twilight? Well, I don’t want to get too off-topic, but after perusing the first few pages of the first book on which True Blood is based, I can tell you it’s not because of the writing quality. I’m always tempted to pick up a Dexter novel, if only to find out what happens next, but then don’t want to spoil the excitement of upcoming episodes and seasons. I also don’t want to be disappointed to find out that a TV series is of higher quality than a novel, because that just makes me sad for humanity. Granted, I haven’t researched this fully, so I have no idea how closely the two forms parallel each other.

ANYWAY, diversion over.

After his horrific car accident last week, Dexter emerges relatively unscathed but still fearing for his life because he can’t seem to find the recently dismembered body that was in his trunk. Or was it? After an exhaustive search, Dexter can’t seem to find that body anywhere! What a wacky predicament!

Along the way, co-workers, other dead bodies, and his family divert Dexter from the all-important task of recovering and properly disposing of his most recent kill. Special Agent Lundy is back in town tracking a new killer (SPOILER ALERT: I think it might be John Lithgow!), there’s been a spate of tourist murders in Ye Olde Miami, and Rita is turning into a harpy. Dexter, your life is so hard!

Miraculously, Dexter finds his missing body, collaborates with Lundy, solves the tourist murders, and spins a convincing yarn for Rita. At the end of the day, all he wants to do is get a good night’s sleep, but little Harrison sees to it that Daddy Dexter is in for yet another sleepless night.

I’m not sure how I feel about the “all-American Dad” theme they’re cultivating this season – I don’t care about Dexter because he reflects reality, I care about him because he’s an awesome serial killer. I’m also unhappy that poor Rita is being cast as a nagging drag on Dexter’s fun. I truly believe that, in his twisted way, Dexter loves Rita as much as he can love anyone. Let’s let him show it, okay, Dexter writers?

Glee - The Rhodes Not Taken, or I Hate Kristin Chenoweth

2009-10-03T12:46:00.003-04:00

Really, the title says it all. I don't know if it's her abrasive voice, pixie-like stature, or gratingly upbeat demeanor, but I can't stand most things that involve Kristin Chenoweth. However, she did redeem herself during the "bad choices" montage, where she taught boozing, shoplifting, and the wonders of casual sex to her fellow glee-clubbers, mostly because the montage music was "You Make My Dreams Come True" by Hall and Oates. It's a personal favorite, so really, the Chenoweth had little to do with it.

ANYWAY, this week, we saw Finn come out of his one-dimensional, "Hey, guys, I'm a really nice, good looking person," mold and do some old school manipulation. While I was horrified, I was also glad that Finn gets to do things beside look pretty. Finn used his man-powers to lure Rachel back into New Directions, but was foiled when everyone found out Quinn is pregnant, and Rachel found out she was being manipulated. But, she came back anyway, after figuring out that being a star isn't as important or fulfilling as being a good friend. Meh, unconvincing, but they did an awesome rendition of "Somebody to Love", so all is forgiven.

I'm obviously biased against the Chenoweth, but this was an okay episode. The plot line was thin (Will brings back an old high school flame to replace Rachel's voice in the Glee club? Even though she's a boozing, pill popping loser? Doubtful), and was purely a showcase for Chenoweth to sing everyone else off the stage, so that got old after a bit. But it will be interesting to see what happens now that the truth (well, part of it) is out about Quinn.

Mad Men - Seven Twenty Three, or Betty Gets a Life

2009-10-03T11:20:00.004-04:00

Betty Draper - social activist?

Probably not, but it was nice to see ole Bets get out of the house for once. It's hard to look back into the pre-Feminine Mystique mist, but it seems painfully obvious that most of Betty's problem stems from the fact that she has nothing to do. I'm hoping her involvement with the Junior League will lead to some semblance of a storyline for her that doesn't revolve around her constantly reacting to the other players on the show. Even Sally gets more interesting story lines! Call me crazy, but I'd love to see Betty put that undergrad degree to use and sashay onto an archaeological dig. Can you imagine the outfits? Sublime.

Speaking of outfits, both of our shining Sterling Cooper stars found themselves in the same clothes as yesterday at the end of the episode. Maybe this will be a good opportunity to make up for their little spat the day before?

I'm glad to see Peggy taking Joan's advice about using her lady-powers. (Speaking of which, where is that ruby-haired goddess?!) Peggy tends to sexually lash out after being criticized by Don - remember the college boy romp post Patio dressing-down - which is mildly disturbing, but at least this time it stands to help her career. Peggy's game is tough to decipher here: is she having a "go-around" with Duck to make sure she gets copy chief status before jumping the Sterling ship, or is she serious about sticking around, so just having some extracurricular fun? Regardless, I doubt we've seen the last of Duck. No recovering alcoholic who whispers "I love the smell of liquor on your breath" during the act can be disposed of by the Mad Men writers. They do love their neuroses.

Unfortunately, Don's night was a lot less fun. The anachronistic draft-dodgers was quite a stretch just to get us to a Dick Whitman flashback. I submit that the real reason Don didn't want to sign the contract is not because he wants to keep the upper hand at work, but because signing his (adopted) name to the contract admits to himself and his father that advertising is truly his career. In Papa Whitman's words, Don "grows bullshit". We saw the outside world's view of advertising, and it is not pretty. He's an ad man, which is to say, he's a con man. Maybe even Don Draper's last shreds of dignity can register embarrassment that his profession is all smoke and mirrors.

But, sign the contract he does, after a deft bit of blackmail by Mr. Cooper himself, one of two series regulars who knows his secret. Although I doubt the lawyers will honor that rider about never having contact with Roger Sterling again. Roger is another one of those characters that we'll never get rid of, if only because we're all waiting on baited breath to see what will happen at Margaret's wedding. For those of you unaware, November 23, 1963 will be an auspicious date for the youngest Sterling and her beau to celebrate their marital happiness.

I'm fairly confused that we didn't hear anything about the tractor incident from last week. Is Ken Cosgrove still employed by Sterling Coop? Or, is vehicular foot-slaughter not a problem at this ad agency? In some ways, I enjoy Mad Men's nod to non-sequential TV viewing that they drop such an important plot point, seemingly never to be seen again, while simultaneously rewarding obsessive viewers with Easter eggs of continuity, even between seasons. For example, anyone watching only this season would have no idea that Bert Cooper was in on the Dick Whitman/Don Draper secret. Can Mad Men successfully straddle the line? I guess we'll find out.

House - Broken, or You GUYS, rehab is serious!

2009-10-03T09:44:00.003-04:00

If I didn’t have a reason to NOT get hooked on narcotics then have to go to a dry out tank, I certainly have it now. The sad, tinkly emo music of the introductory montage is enough to steer any Vicodin-popper straight.

Now, compare that to the cool, funky jazz we get when House cooperates in the mental hospital, and a clear picture emerges: Mental Health is Fun! What's also really fun for the viewers is a scene where House immediately diagnoses all his co-patients' illnesses, and proceeds to mercilessly berate them using all their hot button issues. It's one of those times where you really shouldn't laugh, but somehow Hugh Laurie makes laughing at mental illness okay. And that's why he's great.

The episode quickly devolves into a One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest retelling, complete with our own Nurse Ratchet, who overmedicates a delusional young man who’s lost his wife. To compensate, House takes him out to a carnival for some gravity-defying fun. Unfortunately, this gives Freedom Master (yes, he's a mental patient who believes he's a superhero) the mistaken idea that he can fly. After jaunting off a roof, Freedom Master lives, but sustains terrible injuries.

House, surprisingly, feels really bad about this. So, it sets off a journey of actual recovery, where House tries therapy (for real!) where his tasks are to trust people and forgive himself.

But, in the end, it’s House who cures everyone. By apologizing to Freedom Master, he unlocks the secret of another patient whose been silent for over 10 years. Turns out she just needed her music box, which the cruel orderlies kept out of reach but in her sight line. The fact that it took one of their patients to figure out this mundane revelation shows that maybe this mental hospital is not exactly of the highest caliber. But, oh well.

House fulfills the other part of his therapy requirement (learning to trust) in the form of the silent woman's best friend, who faithfully visits her everyday. She and House fall in lust, and then House is really sad when he finds out she's moving to Arizona. He finally learns to trust someone, and is then crushed, so what does he do? Turn to Vicodin for the sweet haze of nothingness it provides? No! He goes to his therapist and talks about his feelings. This means he's cured, so the doctors recommend House's medical license be restored, and House jauntily walks out to the bus station, a wry smile on his face, and goes home.

But now you're saying to yourself, "A wry smile? House at peace with himself? However will the show recapture its misanthropic charm if House is no longer a hotbed of emotional and physical pain?" Well, reader, I feel your pain, for I too have these questions. I suppose we'll just have to see what the good doctor has in store for us.

I'm Behind - I Know!

2009-10-01T13:46:00.002-04:00

Hey all,

Just a quick note to let you know that I realize I am painfully behind in my posting, and I have a ton of shows to report on. Work has been, to put it mildly, a little busy lately.

Here's a quick list of my watching scheduling, just to whet your appetite, in what will most likely be the order of my blogging:

Mad Men
House
Fringe
Glee
The Office (after tonight)
Parks and Recreation (after tonight)

I've also become addicted to Kings, the recently cancelled NBC masterpiece. I have about three episodes left, and if there's interest, I'll post my thoughts on the drama that was so cruelly ripped from us in its prime.

Until next time!

Glee - Preggers, or Baby Swap!

2009-09-27T10:42:00.012-04:00

First off, a huge thank you to everyone who recommended I tune in to this fabulous piece of television. I was skeptical, mostly because it was airing on FOX, but it is truly amazing. It's so well put together that I am completely without snark, if you can believe it. Anyway, let's get down to business at old William McKinley High School.

So, Quinn is pregnant. I'm embarrassed to say that I fully bought the hot tub necking explanation until Mohawk Guy broke it down for us viewers. On other shows, it would seem trite that this bombshell followed directly on the heels of Rachel's "celibacy doesn't work" speech, but that's the best thing about Glee - it takes very stereotypical characters and high school situations, but layers them with the depth and inherent flaws of real life. It brings me back to my high school days so much, it can sometimes be painful to watch.

I'm confused that the two options presented to Quinn and Finn are either abortion or raising the child. Why not give the baby up for adoption? The storyline of Terri taking Quinn's baby could have been much less creepy if the idea of adoption was put forth before. Maybe Ohio still holds a Mad Men-style enmity toward adoption I'm unaware of.

But that brings us to Terri. The most despicable character on Glee, Terri reminds us of the boom times of the early 2000's, where we could put anything and everything on those Pottery Barn credit cards, without a care in the world. She wants everything, and she wants it now, and her grotesque consumerism puts a painfully accurate mirror up to our own culture, just a short time ago. I have no idea how she's going to pull off this false pregnancy, but she seems damned determined. One of my favorite production details is the ominous a capella music that plays whenever Terri schemes, by the way.

I'm having a tough time buying that Rachel will quit New Directions to be Sally Bowles just because Tina got the West Side Story solo. I'm sure she'll realize the error of her ways after slogging through a rehearsal or two with Sandy. Everyone will grow and learn, and it will be great. On a side note, the fact that Tina doesn't stutter when she sings is actually true. Most stutterers have a temporary reprieve when they sing. Isn't that interesting?

Parks and Recreation - The Stakeout, or Marijuana Carrots

2009-09-26T14:55:00.006-04:00

So many questions to be answered! Will Ann and Mark have a second date? Will Leslie and Policeman Dave go out? Will Tom change back to his birth name? Do the tops of carrots really look like marijuana?

After tackling gay (penguin) marriage last week, Parks and Recreation took on an equally controversial subject this time around: marijuana. Specifically, someone decided to start growing the fragrant weed in the community park located in The Pit. In order to avoid bad publicity, Leslie wants to take care of it in-house. And what better way to get to the bottom of it without creating a fuss than by having a stakeout? I'll forgive the Parks and Recreation writers for this artificial little construct, if only because Leslie came so prepared. Mixed CD, candy necklaces, GORP, a shovel, and manure. Oh, and a camera and a black hoodie for Tom.

Leslie did have an ulterior motive in the stakeout. After clearing it with Leslie, Ann decided to go out to a movie with Mark. Conveniently, Ann's house is right next to The Pit, in prime stalking location. It was quite the party out there, with Andy, Ann's ex-boyfriend, living in The Pit, and having a run-in with the whole gang before passing out from either sugar saturation or shock that Ann has moved on from his slacker self. The stakeout showcased Leslie's naive exuberance about the world around her. Perhaps the best example is after Andy asked her about her huge plastic bag full of candy necklaces: "It's a necklace! Made out of candy! Want one?" As if no one knew the wonder of jewelry that will give you a sugar rush, there's Leslie Knope, ready to share her magic with everyone.

To make a long story short, Mark calls the cops on Tom after Tom locks himself out of the stakeout van. Tom makes matters infinitely worse after telling the cop, "I'll step out of your momma's van," which lands him a trip downtown. Of course, when trying to bargain Tom out of jail, Leslie drops the bomb about the marijuana. They go to check it out, but the marijuana is gone! Someone's taken it! Or, it was carrots all along.

I'm unclear if there really was marijuana, and it was stolen (leaving room for further investigation into the disappearance), or if both Leslie and Tom mistook harmless carrots for something more sinister. For the record, though, carrots and marijuana do look kind of similar.

The plus side of the situation was an excellent cameo by Louis C.K. Let's hope he continues as a love interest for Leslie in coming episodes.

There was a throwaway storyline about Leslie's boss having a hernia, and judging by the fact that I had to Google "Parks and Recreation characters" to find out what his name was, it wasn't the best use of our time. I would have loved to see more of Mark and Ann's date - Ann was definitely bringing the snark at the beginning, but had seemed to relent at the end, allowing Mark to kiss her - on the cheek! What a gentleman! For those of you unaware, check out Paul Schneider's best work in Drunk History, Volume 4. You'll never look at Paul, or our ninth President, William Henry Harrison, the same way.

The Office - The Meeting, or Secrets

2009-09-26T13:51:00.005-04:00

"Secrets, secrets, are no fun" was the lesson this week on The Office. Don't have secret meetings, don't keep secret the real reason you hurt yourself at work, and especially, don't keep secret whether or not you're coming to Jim and Pam's wedding.

This week, we learned that Jim is both up for a promotion, and has another job offer. Naturally, he kept this information secret from Michael, understandably. But when he flaunted it by having a meeting with David Wallace under Michael's nose, he should have known that antics would ensue. And ensue they did. An unexpected moment of hilarity: Andy's strangely elegant discussion on the types of cheese served on his ad-hoc cheese platter. You're right, Andy, it is a lot of fun to let the Goldfish take a swim in the blue cheese. Bon appetit, indeed!

Then, this episode took an interesting detour into the psyche of Michael Scott. He threw Jim under the bus, but was actually telling the truth. Jim is not going to be a good manager. Does anyone remember what happened when Jim was faced with the tough managerial decision of birthday cake? All of Toby's critiques are real - Jim is a distraction, and does (well, did, I suppose) spend way too much time at reception. Which brings us to the biggest shocker of the episode: Michael is wiling to align himself with Toby? TOBY? If anything shows how serious Michael is about this, it has to be that he cited Toby's notes.

But, of course, when confronted, Michael tried to slither back into Jim's good graces. And, it goes without saying, insulted Toby in the process. Michael considers Jim his best friend, and wants him around, but doesn't want to lose his power. At the end of the episode, friendship triumphs over better reasoning, and Michael unwittingly gives up most of his day-to-day responsibilities to keep Jim, Pam, and the baby in the office.

The other great secret this week was what really happened to Darryl's ankle. Dwight and Toby (Toby is getting SO much play this episode - excellent) go on a detective adventure to find out what really happened. Dwight turned out to be right, and Darryl really was scamming Dunder Mifflin into paying his worker's comp. So, Dwight wins? Well, Dwight also sexually harassed Darryl's sister, so Darryl filed a complaint to corporate. In the end, everyone wins except Toby, who has to fill out mountains of paperwork. Dwight and Toby have some excellently awkward chemistry together, and they should team up more often.

Finally, Pam tries to reveal the secret of who's coming to her wedding. Is a long weekend in Niagara Falls better than working? Turns out most of the office is deciding yes. But a question: didn't Ryan get fired? I'm pretty sure the last we heard from him was when there were only enough clients for either Pam or Ryan, and Pam reigned supreme. Then, he's just hanging out in the break room (though with his hair back to its original shade, thank goodness). Am I missing something, dear readers? Although, I wouldn't put it past B. J. Novak to re-insert himself with no explanation just so he could screw with Kelly's head a little bit more.

Overall, a good episode. Everybody's scheming, and it will be a treat to watch Jim flounder, and perhaps succeed, in his new role as co-manager. Plus, Dwight's machinations to destroy Jim will only get funnier and funnier. You can count on it.

True Blood Season 2 - A Retrospective

2009-09-23T19:58:00.003-04:00

True Blood has, in my opinion, some of the most engaging, funny, and tragic characters currently on TV. So, to do justice to the season, I want to break down the best and worst moments for each character, as well as a possible glimpse into their futures. In no particular order…

Sookie Stackhouse
As always, Sookie spend the season either standing around watching other people do stuff, or fulfilling the whims of those around her. Waltz into what is clearly a trap? Sure! Suck Eric’s blood? Of course! The best moments for Sookie this season happened in Dallas, when she met her psychic best friend Barry and was also confronted with the possibility of becoming a vampire. Both of these shook up her fundamental beliefs about the world, and you can be that they’ll both be themes next year. Oh, that and trying to find Vampire Bill. More on that later. Bonus best moment: magic maenad lightning! Worst moment: anytime she just stands there and screams. Ugh, do something for once, Sookie!

Jason Stackhouse
Oh, Jason! Pretty much his entire tenure at the Fellowship of the Sun commune was golden. Aside from his amazing quotes, like “Evil is the premedicated decision to be a dick,” Jason suffered through many of the spiritual questions people face when thinking about their faith. Do I trust every tenet of my faith, or can I pick and choose what to believe? Can I trust my leadership? Do we hold the monopoly on truth, or is there room to compromise? In the end, the Newlins were charlatans who exploited a new and scary group, which is a pretty bleak message for the rest of us. But thank God for that paramilitary training – it really came in handy against the black-eyed zombies. NOT. Jason’s worst moment was that handjob in the tub. So awkward. What’s next for our favorite all state QB? Frankly, he’s an enigma. Within the reset button pushed on Bon Temps, he could easily go back to his drinking and philandering. Or maybe he’ll team up with Sook to find Vampire Bill?

Vampire Bill Compton
Bill didn’t do a whole lot this season. He defended Sookie, as always, and was a conduit for important expository information. For example: did you know that all beings wished themselves into existence? I didn’t, and neither did Vampire Bill. But now we both do. Still, I love him. Mostly for the flashbacks. Best moment: “Oh, I’ve read about maenads before.” Cue flashback book, flashback costume, flashback set, and flashback hair. Total time spent on that scene? Maybe two seconds. TOTALLY WORTH IT. Worst moment: the refrain: “Sucky is maaahne!” which occurred about once an episode. What’s next for Bill? The inside of a canvas bag, apparently. Badum-dum! But seriously, folks, I’m fairly certain that Eric stole him. “I’ll take care of him personally,” were Eric’s words. Yeah, he did, all right. There’s also a theory that it was Fellowship of the Sun. We’ll see!

Jessica and Hoyt
Best couple ever! I’ve been waiting for a juicy storyline for poor Hoyt after he was relegated to playing third fiddle behind Jason and Rene last season. He’s such a sweet boy, and Jessica turned out to be much better than her initial characterization in Season 1. But then everything was ruined was Jessica drank Mrs. Fortenberry’s blood. If I had a dime for every time that situation has ended a relationship…oh well. I predict that next season, Hoyt will try to win Jessica back from her slutty, trucker-drinking ways. Will he succeed, or will he be drained for his efforts? Stay tuned!

Shapeshifter Sam Merlotte
I haven’t cared about Sam since it became apparent that Sookie will always choose Vampire Bill over Shapeshifter Sam. But Alan Ball seems determined to make me care that he was abandoned by his parents, and track his adventures for self-discovery. Best moment: his heart-to-heart with Andy Belfleur in the meat locker, when it looked like it was the end of the road for them both. Worst moment: Daphne. I mean, I know Sam is good-hearted and naïve, but really? She had huge claw marks on her back, and it took him three episodes to ask about it. What’s next? Find his parents, learn about himself, blah, blah, blah. My bet is that they’re werewolves.

Eric Northman
After losing his mentor/lover? Godric, we saw the human side of Viking McViking this season. He cries! He laughs! He smiles! I will still always root for Vampire Bill for Sookie’s heart (figuratively and literally – hey-oh!), but I now see the appeal. I really hope Sookie doesn’t give it to the attraction that resulted from drinking his blood - sexual attraction, as Bill laboriously pointed out. We'll see if Sookie and Eric team up to rescue Vampire Bill, assuming he isn't the kidnapper. OR, he is the kidnapper, but pretends to help Sookie to lure her into his clutches.

As you can see, I could talk about True Blood all day, so post your favorite moments, character developments, and predictions for next season. I look forward to hearing from you!

An Open Letter to Joel McHale, on the Occasion of the Premiere of his New Sitcom

2009-09-20T17:21:00.004-04:00

Dear Joel McHale,

You are an attractive and talented man. You are the host of one of the funniest shows on TV (though vastly underappreciated, poorly scheduled, and has the misfortune to be broadcast on E!). So, why, Joel, did you decide to betray your fans with a mediocre sitcom for NBC?

While the premise of Community is intriguing - a slick lawyer is about to be disbarred for not having an undergraduate degree, unless he attends a local community college - the pilot relied on wacky costars rather than focusing on you, Joel, the hilarious and witty man that you are. Your one moment to shine was an inspired monologue on what separates humans from the animals: our ability to connect to and forgive anything around us, as exemplified by our love of Shark Week and the generosity of bestowing a screenwriting Oscar on Ben Affleck.

But who’s surprised that you can sharply deliver media criticism? If they are, they shouldn’t be. That’s your job! That’s what you do – and we love you for it! No one cares about your budding relationship with a cynical high-school dropout who bears a remarkable resemblance to Elizabeth Shue, nor your abusive friendship with an Asberger’s addled half-Arab (not my words, Joel). And Chevy Chase? Really? I mean, really?

We care about you, Joel. Your smirky smile, your endearing gangliness, and most of all, your intelligent, dead-pan humor.

And that script. I’m embarrassed for both of us. You receive a manila envelope with all the answers to all your exams for the semester, only to find out they’re blank pages? I can only imagine that pitch: “Don’t you get it? He thinks he has all the answers, but he doesn’t! He doesn’t have any of the answers! It’s a parallel to his life! You get it?”

Yes, we get it, anonymous junior writer. And your ham-handedness is not appreciated here.

Joel, I’ll be honest. This is not a show I’m going to continue to watch. Unless, of course, it’s just you and your musings on today’s culture.

But wait – that show already exists.

Best of luck,

Marissa